Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 65)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 65 of 76

1. Yes.

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2. There he is. That's Lloyd.

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3. That's true.

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4. Wait, no? Are you kidding me? You told me there was a rule. I could've choked so many people by now.

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5. Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, Jim's leg.

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6. Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say.

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7. Don't listen to him.

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8. Nope.

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9. Prestige is ours. Okay, they're responsible for half of the junk mail on the eastern seaboard. We get them. We already put a call into them, Robert.

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10. Make a decision.

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11. Jim, you know what would be really dastardly? If we snuck out of here and got to the client first.

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12. Damn it!

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13. Wha ' what is this supposed to be?

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14. Jim, great real. This is not a monkey. It's got a hula skirt and a blue nose.

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15. What?

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16. It's him! Do something! Get out!

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17. Go slash his tires! Go dent his hood. That's it? Oh, that's great. That's like a five second delay.

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18. Come on, let's go! Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? Hit the nos.

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19. Yeah.

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20. Hit the nos.

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21. Yes.

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22. Got it. Go.

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23. Ready? Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

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24. Ahhh!

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25. Yeah. Oh.

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26. Go, go! Take the stairs! Now!

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27. Just run! Take the stairs!

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28. I'll stall him. Go!

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29. I'm gonna activate the seismic failsafe. We'll be stuck between floors for hours. Oh. My pants fell down.

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30. My pants fell down! I don't have a belt!

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31. Hello, sir. Good day. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Forgive my pants, they fell down. An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please. Right now is fine. No, no, no, I was here first. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

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32. Well '

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33. I was here first.

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34. I already made an appointment' with your secretary.

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35. Wait, it's not D.M Utica, is it?

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36. Me too. Or do you also have a monopoly on thirst?

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37. No. Let him get his own. It's Syracuse money.

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38. Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years.

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39. Shut up.

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40. What?

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41. How have we never talked about this before? Wait. You don't even care about nationals.

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42. He's searching out younger gays.

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43. ...with you.

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44. You okay, Robert?

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45. Put some ice on it.

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46. I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building. At first I thought, 'muffin basket.' Then I thought, 'What's even more precious to people than muffins?'

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47. ...their own children.

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48. Hey everybody, just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio. Darryl. We'd love to see little Jada come by. Angela? Why don't you bring by your little angel?

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49. Jim, you've got those two cute kids. We sure would love to see them.

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50. Wha-? Damn it, Jim!

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51. Great, right up there.

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52. Up here.

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53. Jim, right here, right here. Okay, good.

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54. That's it.

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55. Cute kids, thanks for coming.

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56. Well, well, well. Senator Lipton, welcome. Angela.

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57. Nice to see you. May I hold him?

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58. Okay, hold on for a second, folks. A few of the baby's hairs are out of place.

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59. Really?

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60. Okay, here we go. Oh, you know what? I don't want to throw a wrench in the works, but I want everything to be perfect and the baby's fingernails are just bothering me-

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61. Okay, great. Suit yourself. Although, are those excess skin cells on the baby's cheek distracting to you as well?

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62. He defecated, aw.

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63. Is this what you were looking for? Huh? Huh?

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64. Operation Phoenix is a go. Just get the car ready.

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65. Hello.

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66. They're testing it now.

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67. Seventy-two hours.

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68. Yes.

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69. How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff. Mmm, mmm! So that's really good. But I got some disappointing medical news.

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70. I don't see it.

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71. Yes, yes I am.

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72. In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson.

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73. Good boy, getting big and strong. Snack foods!

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74. Ah, humor. I have it too. I have a couple tickets to the slayer concert 10 months from now. You interested?

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75. Well, we're both just kinda learning as we go, aren't we?

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76. Just how this going to be, you know? You have a beautiful round head.

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77. So what kind of farming you into, huh? You more of a fruit man or a root man?

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78. Spoken like a true root man.

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79. My calls?

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80. You want a list of my clients? You want my leads?

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81. Ok

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82. With my leads and stuff like that?

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83. Cause you're interested in going into sales?

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84. Wow, that's great. That's great. Ok, good, let's talk about that, ok?

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85. You're not getting my clients! Nice try.

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86. Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the word. And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, ok? A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job.

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87. Jim, get ready for the battle of your life.

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88. The new guys. Dwight Jr is after my job. Yeah. There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.

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89. Wait, sales'what sales meeting?

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90. The new guys called a sales meeting?

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91. There's no belt above black. Is there a belt above black?

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92. Boo, unimpressed. It's a tightrope for babies. Boo!

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93. Ok, I am just getting started, ok?

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94. That's not true. Just give me another chance.

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95. What?

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96. This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it. Idiots.

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97. Slack lining, please. Untie that rope, give it to a couple of pig-tailed school girls, let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys. Doesn't seem so macho now, does it? It's a jump rope!

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98. Pam? Hey come up here, up the ladder. Come on.

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99. Come here, I'll show you.

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100. Do you see how the trapeze completely surrounds the wire? That means it's literally impossible for anyone to fall off. So you will merely sit below and be my counterweight as I pedal across the parking lot to that telephone pole.

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