Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 1 of 40

1. Hey, Big Tuna! You're single right?

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2. She's pretty hot huh? She's completely crazy. Steer clear Big Tuna. Head for open waters.

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3. OooOK.

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4. Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut your throat to get ahead kind of guy, but I mean I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it? I graduated in four years. I never studied once. I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acappella group, 'Here Comes Treble.'

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5. OK. Who put my calculator in Jello? Good one. But uh, seriously, guys who did this? Seriously guys, who did this? I need to know who put my calculator in Jello, or I'm gonna lose MY FRICKIN' MIND!

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6. Hey, Big Tuna. You ever Google Google? What do you think would happen?

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7. [makes frustrated noises]

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8. I didn't mean you should do it. You were supposed to ponder it. It's... You removed the fun. Thanks a lot, Big Tuna.

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9. Why did you do that?!

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10. We're on the German team. Shoot the Brittish.

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11. Now?

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12. Put the game on hold everyone.

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13. It's the new guy.

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14. See what I mean?

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15. WHAT?

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16. Are you playing for the other team?!

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17. Saboteur!

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18. Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you.

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19. Suck up! Josh, did you hear what I said?

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20. Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.

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21. Did you check the vending machine?

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22. Did you check your... butt?

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23. Hey, Big Tuna, can I talk to you for a second.

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24. Can you stand up? And talk to me over there?

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25. I'm acting my heart out here.

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26. Yeah, really. You asked for my help, so I helped.

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27. I don't care 'bout anything but you... what ever happened to those guys?

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28. Yo, mama! Ask me how bad I wanted to bone Jennifer Grey.

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29. Seriously, you guys, ask me.

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30. Let's just say, me and Jennifer Grey probably would've broken a few laws.

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31. We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.

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32. Roller-coastery friendship. Hot. Cold. On again. Off again. Sexual tension filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.

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33. From 'Cheers'.

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34. You guys ready to party?

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35. I said are you ready TO PARTY!

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36. Hey, Big Tuna, you ready?

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37. One. Two. Three. Shot!

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38. Oh, that burns! Golly. Um...

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39. One. Two. Three. Shot!

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40. I went to the doctor. I went to the mountains. I looked to the children...

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41. I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain.

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42. Wait, wait.

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43. TUNA! Are you kidding me!!

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44. No way, dude. I am not driving home. I have brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it though. It's a roomy twin.

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45. At Cornell, in my fraternity, my house name was 'Hubble' because I was so good at finding a party. I was like a powerful space telescope, so... Freshman year, when my skin was still really bad, they called me El Guapo.

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46. Yeah. Big Tuna, tuna?

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47. [speechless]

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48. Didn't see that coming.

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49. Um, sorry... the Scranton branch is closing? In your face!

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50. Mmmm.. suck-ah!

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51. Stamford, Connecticut! Stamford, Connecticut!

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52. What's up, Josh?

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53. Thanks, man. You, too. Totally.

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54. That's the other thing you got to watch out... Yo! Tuna! I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott.

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55. So what's he like? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite sports? Favorite movies? Favorite men's magazines?

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56. Playing your cards close to the vest. I get it. Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you.

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57. What?

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58. I'll be the Number Two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.

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59. Hello.

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60. And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and... hello.

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61. Michael, thank you for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike.

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62. Nifty!

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63. Michael Scott. Thank you. I appreciate it, Mike.

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64. Andy Bernard. Regional Director in Charge of Sales.

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65. Umm, on the contrary.

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66. And I'm a director.

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67. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?

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68. Congratulations.

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69. Hey, buddy. Anything new to report?

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70. Sure thing, buddy.

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71. Am I trying to get under his skin? Yes. Because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there layin' on the charm.

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72. Hey, Angela. Check this out. It's my new screen saver.

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73. Do you like it?

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74. Thank you. You have such a pretty smile by the way.

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75. You're welcome.

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76. [sings drum beat intro to 'What is Love?']

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77. What is love?

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78. Baby, don't hurt me.

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79. Baby, don't hurt me!

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80. Whoa-oh-oh-oh

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81. Whoa-oh-oh-oh.

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82. Oh, probably because of all the nose candy.

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83. Dwight may have won the battle. But I will win... the next battle.

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84. Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb.

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85. Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon?

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86. Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese.

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87. Actually, it is. It's Latin for 'earth.'

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88. Yeah.

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89. Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back.

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90. Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came.

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91. Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.

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92. If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm.

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93. Idiot!

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94. Nice comeback!

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95. Hi, Andy Bernard.

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96. Nice to meet you.

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97. That is a penguin. You like it?

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98. Andy, or Andrew.

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99. Yeah.

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100. Ha, that's why I wore this shirt.

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