Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 66)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 66 of 76

1. You will. Yeah we weigh about the same, wouldn't you say?

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2. So you'll do it?

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3. Come on, this will be the only thrill of your boring life.

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4. Come on.

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5. No, Pam.

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6. Please? Please, Pam?

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7. I can't use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar I'll be launched into space. God, you're so insensitive.

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8. Ok.Oh, god.

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9. Attention, employees of Dunder Mifflin. Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool cause they can slack line. Boo. Hey Clark, this is what a areal salesman looks like. They say that you only live once and I'm about to prove it. Dwight Schrute!

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10. Woo! Ahh!!

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11. I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works.

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12. No thank you.

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13. Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation.

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14. Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban.

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15. Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan.

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16. Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome.

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17. Anything else would be inconsistent.

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18. Absolutely, I will.

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19. I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. You don't have a plan.

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20. What the?

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21. Gimme that.

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22. You're insane.

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23. Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you.

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24. This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most.

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25. Sounds like a plan.

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26. This is it. Any questions?

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27. No. It's gonna be over before you know it.

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28. Heh! Ha!

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29. Ha! This is for real this time.

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30. No, no. No spoilers. Please.

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31. No.

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32. Oh god.

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33. Yeah.

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34. Yes.

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35. If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

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36. Whoopty doo. That doesn't make you a genius.

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37. Yeah, it does, actually. It makes you real stupid.

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38. No, like you.

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39. You're the stupid one.

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40. You're the stupid one.

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41. You, you, you, you...

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42. Who are you?

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43. You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian

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44. Alright then Jim. Ahhh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday?

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45. How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders!

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46. You don't work here! You're not Jim!

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47. I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim!

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48. Oh my'! Oh d'! Oh, how did'? Huhhhhh!

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49. Ah, French. It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat.

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50. You wanna learn a really impressive second language? Try dothraki. Win over any man in my guild.

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51. Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic war-mongering horse lords of Essos as featured in the superb Home Box Office series, Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.

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52. I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French.

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53. Atherozar!

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54. It means 'excellent'. And we have begun.

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55. I throat-rip.

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56. You throat-rip.

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57. He/she/it throat rips.

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58. More of a, barbaric growl.

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59. Louder! You're shouting it from the back of a horse!

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60. Daraas!

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61. Daraas! Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk?

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62. People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.

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63. Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party. So'[clears throat]

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64. Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah!

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65. Yeah, Andy.

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66. Fail!

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67. Oh, god.

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68. Nothing! Nothing is going on. Keep moving please.

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69. OK, excuse me. I am the landlord. This is between me and the management, no one else. Please.

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70. OK, listen. Everything here is up to code.

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71. Oh, the wires need insulation. It's a wire people. I'm not buying it a fur coat.

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72. 'Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!' That means you can't make me do squat.

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73. You people don't realize what you're asking. I'd have to rip open the walls. We'd have to shut this place down for a week.

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74. What? Come on.

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75. I know what Jim is trying to do. He's trying to get big bad Dwight to shell out for a huge repair job while lucky Jimbo gets a paid vacation. Well sorry, lucky Jimbo, I can live very happily in a magnetic field. Most of my childhood heroes got their power that way.

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76. Had 'em all my life.

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77. No nobbies, no probbies. Nice try Jim.

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78. Yeah right.

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79. Psh. Keep your snacks on your side, Jim. Idiot. What the?

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80. Some of these kernels have crowned.

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81. Andy!

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82. So, we will be leaving the office for one whole week.

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83. In my contract, it is stipulated that I provide a temporary work space. It will arrive in one hour.

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84. Bring it in!

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85. Roll into the future with Work Bus. Say goodbye to wasteful buildings. These days a mobile office isn't just for hotshot politicians. Now anyone can rent a work bus. If you've got a parking lot, a work space is just a phone call away. In this age of belt tightening and less empowered workers, a work bus is how tomorrow gets things done.

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86. What can I say? I love justice. You forced me to spend money on needless repairs, and uh now you're locked in a prison bus and your woman drips with beverage.

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87. It's not my responsibility to solve your marriage problems by spending my money on gas.

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88. No. No! This is a work bus. The wheels are for transporting the work space to and from the work site.

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89. Get your foot behind the yellow line.

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90. I'm sorry to spoil Jim's fantastic voyage everyone, but we're almost out of gas.

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91. That name brand place? Nope forget about it, sorry. The tanks are so big on this thing, five cents a gallon extra, that really adds up.

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92. Stop ordering me around, Jim!

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93. OK, fine. You win. Jim, you win. We have been battling for a long time, but you know what? You win, cause you are the winner, you are the alpha male, there you go. Alpha male, go buy your wife a pie. Go buy the whole world a pie.

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94. I'm barren, Jim.

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95. My trouser hives are void of honey. I had congress with Angela and the child that she bore did not issue from my loins. I thought I would be a father and instead I am a eunuch. Neutered by my own building.

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96. You mean you flooded my building with dangerous electromagnetic radiation as a prank?

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97. That's genius. That's the best prank you've ever done.

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98. Really? How long did it take you and Pam to conceive?

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99. What position did you use to conceive?

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100. Regular? Or lady on her back? You used lady on her back, didn't you, you freak. Yuck, gross. Never mind, Jim.

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