Beets: Every Line from The Office

Dwight

Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2827

Dwight

You know you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15 year on our beet farm. We paid it off early.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2954

Michael

Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2955

Dwight

People love beets.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2956

Michael

Nobody likes beets.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2957

Dwight

Everybody loves beets.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2958

Michael

Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2959

Dwight

Living on a farm, your sense of smell gets very sharp. For example, there are beets in the condo two doors down that way. And someone over there, I believe, is a big fan of olives.

Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3117

Dwight

...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3223

Michael

No, I'm not calling your weirdo cousin. Twenty-seven years old, never left the beet farm.

Season 2 · Episode 12 · Quote 6388

Dwight

Howard, hello. Dwight Schrute. Dunder Mifflin. Yes, and you are my favorite client. Listen, I'm calling you to tell you a little joke. What is black and white and red and can't think? A nun who has a beet for a head. ... No, I'm Catholic, too.

Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 7029

Jim

Dwight lives on a beet farm and he practices karate at the forth grade level. And he apparently has a girlfriend, so... I guess there really is someone for everybody.

Season 2 · Episode 16 · Quote 7608

Dwight

My charity is the Farm Defense Fund. It's one of the best organizations that fights infestation of the beet armyworm.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Quote 9472

Dwight

I hold in my hand, a beet seed. Take it. AH! When... Damn it.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10647

Ryan

Hey Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you the ole commodor. I'll abandon you in a beet field. Huh. That sounds great, Dwight, I'll really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10682

Dwight

It is time for your next test. You have planted the beet seed. You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10701

Dwight

What is that in your ear? A tiny beet seed. You need to clean your ears better.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10891

Ryan

It's going okay. I've already learned more about beet agriculture than I ever thought I'd know.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10892

Ryan

You know, every time I think I hit rock bottom at my job, the floor opens up, like at a carnival ride. I'm gonna retrace my steps. College, four-year degree, student loans, business school, alone in a beet field. I... there's a step missing. 'Hey, mom.' 'Hey, Ryan. How's that five-year plan coming?' 'Oh, it's great. Today, I knelt down in cow manure and I got abandoned in a beet field.' 'Oh, that's cool.' 'Yeah, that's really cool. I'm learning a lot. I'm really glad I took this full-time job.'

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10897

Jim

Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15346

Dwight

First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow, I need this beet right now.' Those are the money beets.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15438

Jim

I can't believe this place is real. I mean, I've heard about his beet farm for years, but wow.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18829

Pam

The Beets Motel.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18830

Jim

The Beets Motel? That is, wow.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18831

Pam

Thank you. Eh. The Embassy Beets. Radishon!

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18832

Jim

You know, I've just realized, this is Pam's and my first night away together. I use to play it over my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a uh, nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner. Wine... uh but, wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just... less.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18865

Pam

We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19132

Pam

The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19136

Dwight

Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20677

Angela

I hate beet salad.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20678

Dwight

Hey hey hey hey. I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20680

Angela

The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20681

Ryan

This guy owns his own beet farm.

Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21240

Dwight

They lay their eggs inside the unripe beet root, then come spring time the babies eat their way out.

Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21244

Andy

I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?

Season 5 · Episode 5 · Quote 24359

Andy

What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.

Season 5 · Episode 5 · Quote 24361

Andy

Well you will. Soon as you visit, my new beet farm. You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?

Season 5 · Episode 5 · Quote 24363

Andy

I found it. I found the perfect place. A local bed-and-breakfast on a 60-acre beet farm. And even better, I have an in with the owner. Oh, yeah. We work together. It's Dwight Schrute. As in Schrute Farms.

Season 5 · Episode 6 · Quote 24728

Dwight

Major pharmaceuticals do not want you to know that beet juice has medicinal value both as an aphrodisiac and a laxative.

Season 5 · Episode 6 · Quote 24916

Dwight

The Scranton Zoning Board has a strong bias against beet farmers. The mayor is in the pocket of Big Lettuce.

Season 5 · Episode 6 · Quote 24917

Jim

Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.

Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26149

Dwight

Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, 'great salesman, better friend.' 'Tall' and 'beets.'

Season 5 · Episode 22 · Quote 29522

Dwight

Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.

Season 5 · Episode 23 · Quote 29835

Dwight

It is not 'farm boy swill,' I will show you. It is beet Vodka and it is delicious.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Quote 35394

Dwight

[hands Erin a basket of beets]

Season 6 · Episode 20 · Quote 36965

Dwight

So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point 'B', uh... the beet juice cleanse?

Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37915

Angela

He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune.

Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38032

Dwight

Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer, bed-and-breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38451

Dwight

It was beet juice! I am a beet farmer idi...

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38904

Dwight

Oh, it is. And beets are not immune. We made some inroads in salads, but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46138

Andy

There's gotta be some way you can double your beet sales'

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46141

Dwight

My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Who ever heard of an old beet farmer?

Season 8 · Episode 4 · Quote 46820

Robert

Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here.

Season 8 · Episode 4 · Quote 46821

Jim

Oh, man, I'd have to sell beets. Probably submit them for competitions.

Season 8 · Episode 23 · Quote 52495

Dwight

How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff. Mmm, mmm! So that's really good. But I got some disappointing medical news.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Quote 52800

Pam

Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child.

Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54604

Angela

What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56515

Salesmen

The lift capacity's up at two thousand pounds. That's a lot of beets.

Season 9 · Episode 18 · Quote 57835

Dwight

Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58861

Dwight

Manager of Dunder Mifflin? Check. Owner of a 1600-acre beet farm? Check. Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid? Check' on that later today. This is my grandmother's ring. It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph Coors. This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring.

Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58910

Dwight

Phillip, you wanna play a little game? It's called 'Schrute or Consequences.' You're gonna choose one of these two things. A check for a million dollars, or this dirty old beet. Yuck, pew! Which will it be? Money or the beet?

Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59215

Phillip

Beet.

Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59216