Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 64)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 64 of 76

1. Oh, man!

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2. Rrrah!

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3. Huh, huh, huh!

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4. I was trying to go-

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5. Ok, ok.

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6. Then you know what? I'm just gonna have to run right through you.

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7. Jackie Chan!

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8. This. Ends. Now.

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9. Rrahh!

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10. Anything else you need to talk about?

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11. Once again, it's show time.

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12. My warcraft clan was still on speaking terms.

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13. Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here.

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14. Right here.

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15. What?

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16. How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation.

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17. I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm.

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18. Those who can't farm, farm celery.

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19. I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever.

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20. What?

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21. There's no limit to what I think I deserve.

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22. Five percent. No less.

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23. Six percent, I know my worth.

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24. Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

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25. No, you know what? Nellie's right. That is exactly how it should work. Darryl, this office is mine now.

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26. Yes.

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27. Yes.

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28. Yes.

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29. Yes.

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30. Yes. Yes, sorry too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off.

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31. Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, Ow.

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32. Well fought. I accept the outcome.

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33. Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left.

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34. Yep.

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35. Yes!

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36. Okay, okay.

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37. Why Jim?

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38. Ugh! Ow.

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39. Don't listen to Jim. Have you ever seen him play Tetris? 'Oh, I think I'll just use this line horizontally. Oh, I had no idea what a gift this line is.'

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40. I will get the chair in. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic.

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41. Haulin' cube!

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42. I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England. I really should have a Tweeter account.

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43. Ooh.

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44. I have to see these shoes.

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45. Oh!

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46. Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend.

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47. Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend.

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48. You read my mind.

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49. Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician.

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50. Why not call...

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51. That's awful. What kind of restaurant.

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52. If it would help you to forget, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candlestick.

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53. Okay scram, wizard.

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54. You heard me!

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55. Nellie let me bobble-ize him. His name is now Captain Mutato.

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56. I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter.

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57. Yes?

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58. How?

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59. Erin, I am so glad that you trusted me. You came to the exact right person for this. No, I have never once experienced anything remotely like that. Never.

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60. Okay?

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61. Washington Monument.

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62. Eiffel Tower.

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63. One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that. Gabe bragged about having an extra ticket to the air show this weekend and Meredith said she was interested and then Gabe said immediately that his friend might be taking the ticket. So I'll keep you posted on that.

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64. Every day I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. Most of it's irrelevant. But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on.

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65. Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that.

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66. Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant.

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67. It's not just a human problem. Flounders frequently experience impotence, especially when converting from male to female and then back again to male.

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68. No, no, no, no, no, It's not me. I'm gonna prove it right here and now.

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69. Yeah Jim.

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70. You know, my rectal electro-ejaculator is rated for bovine use only but I could let you rent it.

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71. You don't like the Beatles?

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72. Eleanor Rigby? Paperback writer?

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73. I don't want to alarm people, but there is a distinct chance that we are all about to be killed

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74. There is a disgruntled ex-employee sitting in his car in the parking lot.

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75. That's how workplace tragedies always begin. A middle aged white male 'hanging out'. Call the cops!

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76. I don't even know what kind of weapon he has. Could be a knife, could be a gun. Could be a series of guns all lined up to shoot parallel. I'm going up to the roof. And I'm gonna bring my gym bag just in case.

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77. Wait, you think Jiu-Jitsu classes cost $22 If you're going to guess the price, you might as well try to be halfway accurate. $180!

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78. You guess the price, you win the prize. Have you never been to a Quaker fair before? God!

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79. How much do you guys charge for a one full year gym membership? Thank you!

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80. It's $475! Like candy from a baby!

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81. Yes! Thank you!

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82. Oh yes! Yeah!

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83. Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Ha, ha!

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84. Thank you very much! All I had to do was look at the prices, idiots! Suck it!

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85. Thank you. Wow, I can't tell you what an honor it is to support this thing... And obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever. But, I want to ask you something: when did it become all about the money. when did it become about the flower arrangements, and the white wine spritser, hmm? and all the dinner rolls. you people should be ashamed of yourselves! How many courses did we have tonight, two? Three maybe, if you choose the pudding? I mean what waste! these tables tarted up like Victorian whores! lets' remember we are all here for the dog society. He's what's important, whatever his name is. Not any of this. So that is going to be my donation to you. Thank you and good night!

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86. Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don't you just take estrogen? There you go boys. See how papa takes care of you? Mwah.

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87. Oh, I bet you think it's all about core, huh?

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88. Oh, please.

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89. Feast on this, Lewis.

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90. Oh, thank you.

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91. Very funny Jim.

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92. I don't need your help.

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93. Here, here' Just'

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94. Good, we have a deal?

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95. Thanks so much Earl.

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96. And they said it couldn't be done. Boom!

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97. Yeah, and we're not interested in your sour grapes, okay? Jim, tell him where he can stick his grapes.

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98. No, Jim, the butt, in his butt.

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99. And you are'

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100. Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to ' how do I put this ' steal from the company. Embezzle. To commit fraud.

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