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Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 1 of 69

  1. Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it. So...

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 2

  2. Actually, you called me in here, but yeah.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 4

  3. My job is to speak to clients on the phone about... uh, quantities and type of copier paper. You know, whether we can supply it to them. Whether they can pay for it. And... I'm boring myself just talking about this.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 18

  4. Whassup! I still love that after seven years.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 20

  5. Nothing.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 26

  6. All right. Take care.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 28

  7. Yes?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 71

  8. Yeah, stop. That is ridiculous.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 73

  9. Sure. Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. Thank you very much. Dwight, what are you doing?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 85

  10. What are you doing?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 87

  11. It's not on your desk.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 89

  12. Why not?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 92

  13. We'll see. This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 94

  14. If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 137

  15. How do you know it was me?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 157

  16. OK. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I have always been your biggest flan.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 162

  17. Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 168

  18. That's why we're all going out. So we can have an end-of-the-week-drink.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 170

  19. Tonight, hopefully.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 172

  20. What's going on?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 175

  21. You know what? You should come with us. Because you know we're all going out and it could be a good chance for you to see what people are like outside the office. I think it could be fun.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 182

  22. Yeah, yeah.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 184

  23. Um... What's in the bag?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 185

  24. No, definitely. All right, dude. Awesome. Will do.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 187

  25. Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 188

  26. Hey.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 211

  27. How are things?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 212

  28. Oh no, I just decided not to. How's your headache?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 214

  29. Good. Good.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 216

  30. That's great

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 218

  31. Yeah?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 220

  32. Am I walking out?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 222

  33. Yes, I... Do you want to...

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 224

  34. Great. Let me just...

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 226

  35. Oh, Roy.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 227

  36. Yeah, definitely. You too. Enjoy it. You know what, just come here.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 229

  37. My name is Jim Halpert and I am a sales rep, which is a very important job. Um, without me dozens literally dozens of small businesses would go paperless. They would have to write on their hands, or bed sheets, or who knows you know. Total chaos, total chaos. I mean or they could get their paper somewhere else. Staples maybe. I don't know.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 232

  38. That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, '100% post-consumer content.' What? Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you. Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 275

  39. Do you really have to do that right now?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 276

  40. Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks. Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying... Hello? Thanks, Dwight.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 278

  41. That is not the expression.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 280

  42. This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there for some reason. I'm not really sure why but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 282

  43. Solitaire?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 283

  44. Six on seven.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 285

  45. So then, why didn't you do it?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 287

  46. Who doesn't love that?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 289

  47. Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 299

  48. You know what? I'm actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 301

  49. Yeah, hi. Is Mr. Decker around? Oh, well, could you just have him call me after lunch? Thank you.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 378

  50. : Uh, is that it?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 387

  51. Hello? Hello?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 413

  52. What are you watching?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 436

  53. Really?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 438

  54. No way. I think she likes this stuff.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 440

  55. Yeah, you know, she's engaged, but...

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 442

  56. Oh, yeah. She's hot.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 444

  57. Mr. Decker, we didn't lose your sale today, did we? Excellent. OK. Let me just get your... what's that? No, we didn't close last time. I just need your... Oh. W-What code were you given? Oh, OK. That's actually another salesman here. I can redo it if you want to do that. Oh, he gave you a discount? No, I don't blame you.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 458

  58. Um... Hey.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 466

  59. Hey.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 468

  60. We can go.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 470

  61. That's fine.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 472

  62. Uh... Not a bad day.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 473

  63. Freecell.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 512

  64. Well, I mean.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 514

  65. Um, what's going on here?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 534

  66. Ah, good. Good luck. Doing good.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 536

  67. Yes, yes.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 538

  68. How embarrassing is it? That's not fair. Here...

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 540

  69. Try this.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 542

  70. Go get 'em.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 544

  71. Um, why did she slap Martin Luther King?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 563

  72. I think she wasn't wearing a card.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 566

  73. Last night on Trading Spouses, there's... have you seen it?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 594

  74. Interesting, what's that like?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 596

  75. Wow. But then who would watch my TV? That is...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 598

  76. Gosh.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 602

  77. That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 604

  78. Yeah. I just don't think this is the kind of task, that I... am going to do. You know who would be great for this?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 606

  79. Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 607

  80. Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company then this would be my career. And uh, well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 609

  81. It says 'workspace'.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 636

  82. If it's the same thing, then why did you write 'workspace'?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 638

  83. You are not my superior.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 640

  84. I thought it was a workspace?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 642

  85. You cut more than you had to, didn't you?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 647

  86. Well, why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 649

  87. OK, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 651

  88. OK, you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you because that's confidential.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 680

  89. Workspace.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 682

  90. Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 689

  91. Oh, great.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 691

  92. I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 693

  93. Thank you.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 695

  94. What are you talking about?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 706

  95. OK, whoa. 'Cause that is a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 708

  96. Absolutely not.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 711

  97. No I didn't.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 713

  98. Killer nanorobots?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 715

  99. Sounds tough.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 718

  100. Do you?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 720