Kevin Malone Quotes from The Office

Accountant, band frontman, chili enthusiast.

1,708 quotes · page 1 of 18

1. Yeah, it'll be you.

   Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 69

2. I don't wanna be laid off. This is a good job for me. 'Cause I need my nights free. I'm in a band.

   Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 250

3. I remember.

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 341

4. Basically, there are two types of black people and black people are actually more racist because they hate the other type of black people. Every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 345

5. It was kind of hard to hear.

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 389

6. Hey.

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 445

7. You wanna go to the beach?

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 447

8. You wanna get high?

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 449

9. I think you do, mon.

   Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 451

10. [Itialian accent]Maybe some spagh-etti.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 460

11. He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 656

12. What are you guys talking about?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 676

13. That's a real thing.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 790

14. Someone has it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 792

15. Do you think we should go ?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 793

16. What is he doing?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 795

17. Italian.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 972

18. Yeah.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 974

19. Their bread's really good.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 981

20. I have a hoop in my driveway.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1322

21. I can't work Saturday.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1507

22. I'm in a band.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1509

23. It's a Steve Miller Tribute Band.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1511

24. So are you jealous 'cause there's another girl around?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1626

25. She's prettier than you though.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1628

26. [nods]

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1630

27. What is your type?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1672

28. Stay away from my mom.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1675

29. Do you like Steve Miller?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1973

30. Cause I'm in a Steve Miller Tribute... Tribute Band.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1975

31. Oh, just put these on the group tab.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2112

32. I think his characters are pretty funny. Especially Ping.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2294

33. So, Pam, I wonder who's gonna get 'longest engagement' this year.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2342

34. I wonder what I'll get. I brought my fiance.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2344

35. MILF!

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2504

36. She wasn't that hot.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2531

37. Phyllis?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2656

38. Packer said it.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2660

39. You mean where my desk is?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2666

40. Okay. I have a lot of work to do anyway.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2668

41. Did you see that?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2693

42. You can see her...

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2695

43. How do you know?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2697

44. Ooh.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2792

45. Or when we're bored.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2803

46. We're bored a lot.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2805

47. Oh!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2807

48. We call it Hate Ball.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2810

49. Because of how much Angela hates it.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2812

50. Sometimes we play 'Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?'

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2814

51. It smells like cookies.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2848

52. [empties bowl of M&M's into his mouth]

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2910

53. All right.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3017

54. Yes, thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3019

55. Please...

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3022

56. Please, please. Please.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3024

57. Present company excluded?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3303

58. Pam.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3305

59. What if he dies in the fire? And that's the last thing you ever said to him.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3364

60. [clears his throat]

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3376

61. Was it worth it?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3433

62. Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five, sixty-six, sixty-seven, sixty-eight. Sixty-nine. Seventy. Seventy-one, seventy-two, seventy-three.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3470

63. Uh, Cannonball Run, Cannonball Run II, Weekend at Bernie's, Weekend at Bernie's II, and, oh, Groundhog Day.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3488

64. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3491

65. I would love that.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3493

66. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3566

67. Yeah. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3600

68. Stacy.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3930

69. Sweep the leg.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4068

70. Later Jim.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4092

71. Don't look at me.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4159

72. Michael's movie? Two thumbs down. Heh.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4352

73. Most of that is good.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4448

74. I heard they made out and had sex.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4581

75. Well, I heard they made out

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4583

76. Romances?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4585

77. Oooo.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4609

78. Michael, should I call the... What?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4901

79. I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4942

80. That's pretty young.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4973

81. Are you gonna eat with us?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4975

82. My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Scien-

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5033

83. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5035

84. Not so fast... Fire Guy.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5147

85. Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5161

86. Why don't you turn it up? Uh! Not so fast... Fire Guy. Think we need some more heat, Fire Guy? Hey, Fire Guy, maybe we should burn Jim's house down.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5297

87. Hey, Kelly; I called him Fire Guy.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5299

88. Yeah... hey Stanley-

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5301

89. It never gets old.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5304

90. Well, sort of. Why did you get it so big?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5324

91. But what are we going to do with this hacked off part?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5326

92. Do we have one?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5342

93. I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5359

94. Should we just keep opening up the presents?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5411

95. I want the foot bath.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5458

96. That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh, shoot.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5459

97. Kevin Malone.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5515

98. Yeahhh.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5561

99. Mine.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5568

100. Thanks for the party, Michael.

     Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5576