Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 96)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 96 of 122

1. Helene I think you're a wonderful person and I-- God-- I've enjoyed dating you and being your boyfriend so much. But I have to consider Pam's feelings as a friend and a co-worker I can not in good conscience continue to date you, when I know what this is doing to her.

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33436

2. No it's not.

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33438

3. Wow. That just-- you've really grown.

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33440

4. Thank you Pam. And I hope you are as gracious during this next part. Helene, once again you are a wonderful person and you have lived a great life and I envy it. And I want it someday, but just in the future. You need somebody who-- who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never-- I don't know him. There's another woman. And her name is Italy... and skydiving... and bungee jumping.

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33442

5. And I want kids. And you... unfortunately, have already completed that part of your journey down there.

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33444

6. It's not my decision. It's mother nature. And mother has very strict rules about fer-- -- tility.

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33446

7. Well, hobbies--

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33449

8. Pamela Beesly Halpert--

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33461

9. May I have a word with you in my office please?

   Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33463

10. Well, this is a work related matter.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33465

11. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33467

12. Yes. Join me please, won't you? I am going to give you a raise.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33469

13. Because of all the good work you've done.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33471

14. That's-- no, no-- it's not about numbers, Pam. It's about attitude.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33473

15. Do you want the raise or what?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33475

16. Hey, Pam, Pam-- with this raise there are strings attached. And the string is attached from my heart to your mean attitude.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33477

17. No! No-- no I am not. Unless you want me to. DO you want me to? Cause I will. I will bribe you. No. Your face is saying don't-- unless I haven't offered you enough... your face isn't changing. What is it? Talk to me face. Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking. Come on! What do you want? What do you want? Do you want a million dollars? Do you want to hit me? Want me to get down on one knee and beg you or--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33479

18. What?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33481

19. Oh-- okay , what? I don't-- Are you kidding?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33483

20. Ye-- No. Alright. I'll take off my jacket and tense my stomach and you can just--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33485

21. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33487

22. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33489

23. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33491

24. See you.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33493

25. Hey.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33495

26. Never. About what? A little-- what are you talking--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33499

27. What punch?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33501

28. I'm pretty sure we said slap.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33503

29. I-- mmm-- I'm good.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33506

30. Hey.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33508

31. Do you and Pam ever get frisky?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33510

32. I mean-- do you ever wrestle with each other?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33512

33. Really?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33514

34. She strong?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33516

35. Can you stop this?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33518

36. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33520

37. I don't either.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33522

38. Mmm-hmm. I know.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33524

39. You gotta do something--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33526

40. How much time do you think you'll need?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33528

41. Come on, man!

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33530

42. Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Everyday weirdo's pay dominatrix's hundreds of dollars for that very privilege. I'm scared I'm gonna love it. Let's do this.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33550

43. It's okay guys... I can handle this. Everybody can go home.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33551

44. You're just a bunch of voyeurs. Are you eating popcorn?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33553

45. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33556

46. I know. Okay. Alright. Oh-- God!

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33558

47. Okay! Pam, Pam-- I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33561

48. So many things. I don't know. It's hard to choose.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33563

49. Maybe that--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33565

50. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33567

51. Okay. I promise. For the record your mom came on to me.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33569

52. No!

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33572

53. I don't know.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33577

54. As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming towards my face I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover-car and a hover-house. And my wife is a runner and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together. And I am happy and I am rich and I never die. It doesn't sound like much, but its enough for me.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33579

55. Ahh...

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33580

56. Oh thank you. Thanks. I owe you one Dwight.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33582

57. No.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33584

58. What are you talking about--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33586

59. Forget that.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33588

60. No.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33590

61. Oh that feels better.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33592

62. But I would say my favorite art form is a tie between sculpting and stand up comedy.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33610

63. You did?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33612

64. That sounds like it was hilarious.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33614

65. Yes?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33617

66. You'll have to be more specific Dwight, I get like eight emails a day.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33619

67. Woo hoo, shout out!

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33621

68. Erin, do we have the journal?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33623

69. Did you?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33625

70. Oh, the Wall.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33627

71. It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33629

72. No, no, that doesn't make any sense.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33633

73. Oh, that sounds awful.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33636

74. Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33638

75. Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious!

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33641

76. OK, OK. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33643

77. No, I'm just poopin'. You know how I be.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33645

78. Crazy world. Lotta smells.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33647

79. OK, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33651

80. Monkey see, monkey do.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33653

81. Monkey pee all over you.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33655

82. We have a monthly staff meeting

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33657

83. What? Oh my God! There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33663

84. Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33664

85. It is so much fun. Everybody plays a character, we go around the room, we try to figure out who did it...

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33666

86. This is my call Jim, big picture stuff, it's about murder.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33668

87. Tube City, you owe me one.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33670

88. There will be food. You leave, you do not get food.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33674

89. Sandwich platters.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33676

90. Baby carrots.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33678

91. OK, here are your character cards. Take one, pass it down. Here is your prop box, some of your characters will have props. Now, on your character card, it tells you who you are, and what your alibi is. Everything else is up to your imagination. So, if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33679

92. OK, use your imaginations.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33681

93. It's not scary.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33688

94. Well how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon, I make them feel beautiful.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33692

95. Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33693

96. Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33695

97. That is the way Southern people talk.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33697

98. Delta Burke, I do declare. Now, shall we get to the mystery?

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33699

99. No, no, no. Don't turn this into a political thing.

    Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33711

100. Oooooo, doggie, we got a party now!

     Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33714