Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 98)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 98 of 122

1. Okay, right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk.

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34110

2. I have it on good authority that you said the following. Can you read that back to me?

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34112

3. Mmm-hmm.

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34114

4. Okay.

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34116

5. You are also on record as saying 'wittle-ittle,' 'footy-wutties,' 'nummies,' 'jammies,' 'make boom-boom,' 'widiculous,' and 'wode iwand.'

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34118

6. You can't be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34120

7. Okay, who said that?

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34122

8. Well, thank you... thank you a lot. And for what it's worth I think your baby voice is tops.

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34124

9. You're welcome, baby.

   Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34126

10. Keep.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34140

11. I want to keep those so I can see what I sent.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34142

12. Keep.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34144

13. For what?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34146

14. Oh okay. I don't know how those got on there...

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34148

15. Must be hackers.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34150

16. What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever, would you still want to be my friend?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34152

17. Worse than that.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34154

18. Lurk much? I miss Pam.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34156

19. Is that what we're going for now? 'okay?' We used to go for 'pretty good.'

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34158

20. Yeah, you know what, that actually might make me feel better. I'm not in this for the trophies, but...

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34160

21. Well, technically, I'm a co-manager, and I barely have any responsibilities, but I work hard, I love this company, and for those reasons, I think I would make a good employee of the month.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34162

22. It would look good, on my mantle.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34164

23. There you are. I don't think we have finished with my Inbox.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34172

24. To change lives.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34177

25. Yeah, okay. Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34179

26. Well...

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34182

27. No.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34184

28. I just, I fell in love with those kids. and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system, so I made them a promise. I told them that if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I've made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34186

29. Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34187

30. I'm not a bad person, I bring good news. Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. Okay, all right.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34189

31. Would you come with me? You know, like old times, instead of...

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34191

32. Agh, God, you know what, could this day get any worse?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34194

33. Hey, Mikela Lasker, how are you?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34210

34. Good to see you. Where's your saxaphone?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34212

35. Eigth grade graduation, she gave a rendition of When The Saints Go Marching In that would blow your freaking mind.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34214

36. Well, you didn't even hear it.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34216

37. Oh, good.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34218

38. Sure.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34220

39. Oh, yeah.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34223

40. No, not at all. Nope, come on.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34225

41. Oh, you know what? You know what? I shouldn't go in there. I'm pretty busy, I should just...

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34226

42. Oh.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34228

43. Wow!

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34234

44. Oh, God. Oh, God.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34248

45. All right. Wow. Um, I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between 'A' gym and 'B' gym, that sort of thing? Show of hands, anybody, yes, a bunch of you, okay. Well, me too, I've done something stupid which I would like to share. Ummm. Should we go?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34265

46. Ah. All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intuition? Know what's gonna happen next? Nobody? Okay, you're going to make me say it. All right, I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefevre, and Ben, and Ayana, and Mikela, and Nikki and Jason, and... I'm sorry, okay, sorry spacing, your name?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34267

47. Well Zion, I am not going to be paying for your college tuition. Which brings me to my main point and that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so, so sorry.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34269

48. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34270

49. I lied to myself too. I'm not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. I wanted to pay for your education. I really did. It was my dream. Some people have evil drems, some people have selfish dreams or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34272

50. Okay, hold on. Hold on. Now I can't pay for your college. But you don't have to go to class to be in class. Online courses are a viable option to a traditional college experience. And the best way to access those courses is with your own personal laptop. Which is rendered useless without batteries, and I have one for each of you.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34274

51. Hey, hold-hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They're lithium.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34276

52. Erin, can you give us a second?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34306

53. Yeah. Yeah. I know, I know, I know, I'm sorry.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34308

54. What can I do?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34310

55. I can give you an extra laptop battery. Not everyone took one. How about this? If you can find a way to pay for your college tuition, let me buy your books, okay?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34312

56. Yeah, well, I owe you that at least, right?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34314

57. Really? Wow. That's over $200 a year.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34316

58. For-okay, okay here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to write 4 checks for $1,000 each. I'm going to date them one year apart. Now, you are to use one check a year. And please call me before you cash the check? Cause I've got monies to move around.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34318

59. That's a lot of zeroes.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34320

60. Please stop. 15 lives. I destroyed 15 young lives today.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34347

61. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34349

62. You're what, like, 12?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34351

63. I think you're doing a great job.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34353

64. What do you want from this job, provided the company doesn't go out of business?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34355

65. Really?

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34357

66. You know, when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34359

67. Yeah. I just sort've had a feeling about him. I have a feeling about you too.

    Season 6 · Episode 11 · Quote 34361

68. Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34431

69. What the hell is going on?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34433

70. Phyllis, Jim? Phyllis is Santa?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34434

71. Phyllis?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34436

72. Take it back. That is absurd.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34438

73. No? No! Jim! Come on!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34440

74. It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34442

75. Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can- I -you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34444

76. If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably 'freedom.' At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34445

77. Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34446

78. No it's not, not like penis-wise. Hello little boy, what's your name?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34448

79. Oh! I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you. And hates your body. But, Santa remembers a reindeer that was just a tiny bit different as well.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34450

80. Right now! Come on over here, big boy! There we go. Oh my God.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34452

81. What would you like for Christmas little boy?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34454

82. What did you think was going to happen?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34456

83. All right, just say 'some toys' please.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34458

84. Damn it Kevin, come on.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34460

85. Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34462

86. Okay you know what you get? You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34464

87. Ryan come here!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34493

88. Come on, come on.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34495

89. Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34497

90. Just sit down!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34499

91. Yup. Ryan and I are just having some fun!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34502

92. Whoop! Okay, what?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34504

93. Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34506

94. Do you understand, you forced my hand?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34508

95. Oh, do we? Do 'We?' Is that what 'we' want? Why don't 'we' take a vote on it?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34510

96. Hey! Okay! Everybody! The office is being pulled apart! I realize that. There are traditions at stake. And there are--

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34512

97. No no no wait! No! There are other choices, there is information that we --Are you kidding me? Kevin? After you almost killed me?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34514

98. I'll get some punch. That looks delicious.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34517

99. I don't ask for much for Christmas, I really don't. It's not like I'm begging people to buy me diamonds and ...broach pendants. 'Oh buy me something expensive or I'm gonna kill myself.' That's not - I don't care about that. All I want to be is Santa. And, you want to take that away from me? Fine. Go ahead. But when you need my help because I am ruining everything, don't look at me.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34527

100. Behold! Jesus Christ. And I bring to you glad Christmas tidings. I want to remind everyone the true meaning of Christmas. Those of you who wish to join me, that's great. I'm excited by that. And those of you who don't, I forgive you. But I never forget.

     Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34528