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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 95)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 95 of 122

  1. Not yet!

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33017

  2. No it is- don't! I'm not gonna bump. I'm not gonna bump. And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33019

  3. Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33037

  4. Oh. He did? What did he say?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33039

  5. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33041

  6. Thank you, Stanley.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33044

  7. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33046

  8. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33048

  9. I can name Pixar movies, too. Toy Story.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33051

  10. I know what a flounder is.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33055

  11. I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke. I wish Jim had fallen into that pond and he'd have to put on my suit and it'd be too short and he'd look... Damn it! He'd still look good.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33056

  12. The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action that they have done that they regret. Show of hands- who has been 'Koi-ponded'? Who here's been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33057

  13. Uh...

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33059

  14. You never said anything.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33061

  15. Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 'Stop because I want you to stop' or STOP as in 'Stop. You're making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll. I am busting a gut. Stop!'

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33063

  16. We are going to make a 'Do Not Mock' list. Ok? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. Anything you put on this list you cannot be teased about. Got it? I'm gonna kick it off. Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? Ok. I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steamtown Mall. Ok. Who else? Who else? Dwight, come on.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33065

  17. Your nose?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33067

  18. Alright.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33069

  19. No. I haven't finished writing. Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Ok. Who else? Who else? Everybody's getting their chance.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33075

  20. Ok. That's to broad. It's gotta be something else. How 'bout your stomach? Yeah? Meredith?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33077

  21. Ok. Fine. Come on up here. Write it yourself. And don't sign your name to it. And nobody look. Everybody look away. Look away.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33079

  22. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33081

  23. It's a fish.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33107

  24. It could've died of natural causes. So...

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33109

  25. Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. How much do they want?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33112

  26. What? No. I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33114

  27. No, no.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33117

  28. No. We are not done here. This-

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33119

  29. No, Jim. You don't understand. Things like this don't just die. Kids in high school still call me 'Ponytail'.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33128

  30. Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time I got my ponytail stuck in the power trail.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33130

  31. I want to make fun of you right now.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33132

  32. No. Don't do that. You're not. You're not stupid.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33134

  33. Oh, my God.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33136

  34. Hey. I- I just wanna say that I cannot believe that I walked into a Koi pond. I mean, seriously. Walk much? Oh. I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33137

  35. Well, you know what? You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. I've seen that pond. This is the thing, I am a world class moron. That's the problem.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33139

  36. It's ok. We're having fun. It's not actually the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to hrow me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row. Oh... it was freezing. No. No. No. Oh, this is even worse. Couple weeks ago I went to get a new cellphone and I wanted on of those packages where you have, you know, the friends- the five- the friends and family thing and the guys was like, 'Who are your 5 friends?' and I'm, like, 'Uh... ' I didn't even know I couldn't even think. Oh, my God. It was so embarrassing. That was- oh. I don't even have Jan's cell phone number and I hate her! She won't give it to me. I was like, 'Oh, I guess I'm a loser. 'A luh-whooooo a za her'. Too far! God! Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33141

  37. Hey. Who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. He swiped the security tape for me and he's bringing it over.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33147

  38. Is this the tape of me falling?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33178

  39. No. It's ok. Watch it. He can't fire all of you.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33184

  40. It's alright. I can handle it.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33186

  41. I am a grown-up, Jim.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33188

  42. I don't think you froze.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33198

  43. Jim is jealous of me? Jim is jealous of me.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33205

  44. Oscar's a douche.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33208

  45. No. He's a- yeah, he's alright. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33210

  46. You're welcome. Whoa! Almost fell.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Line 33212

  47. Morning Dwight.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33235

  48. No. I had a fish stick sandwich. Actually I had two fish stick sandwiches. My girlfriend didn't want hers. Because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33237

  49. Well, yeah...

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33239

  50. It worked.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33241

  51. I don't mind if I do.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33243

  52. I'm taking one for my lady friend.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33245

  53. Brain food. Thank you very much.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33247

  54. My girls. There they are.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33262

  55. Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch-- there is no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your 'Gee I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother' and fixes all occurrences of 'I don't really see them together'. So, open wide Pam and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33263

  56. Yeah--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33266

  57. I think everyone has meet Helene. Shall we?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33268

  58. No, that wouldn't be--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33272

  59. Yeah. The rest of the story has been censored due to-- inappropriosity.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33274

  60. Hey--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33276

  61. Please, Kevin. You're fired. Sorry, sorry. Work with a bunch of idiots. Shall we go?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33278

  62. Just want you to succeed Pammy. You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33295

  63. Today is about family.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33297

  64. Hello. Scott. Table for four.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33329

  65. What table should we take? So many to choose from.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33332

  66. What? All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. Oh, wait a second! You mean this one? Wow!

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33335

  67. Not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33337

  68. Well, it was actually me alone, so-- wow look at this place. Really makes me want to go to Italy some day.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33339

  69. Oh. Thank you. Thanks for lending me the books.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33341

  70. That's funny.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33345

  71. You're 54 years old.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33348

  72. You're 58 years old?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33350

  73. Congratulations.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33352

  74. The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you and I am not robbing the cradle. If anything I am robbing the grave.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33353

  75. That--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33360

  76. Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, do you think?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33362

  77. Helene?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33364

  78. I am. I'm definitely going to do it. I've already got the run and the bike thing down. Just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33366

  79. So it's a matter of interest. Good, okay. It's not anything you would have ever done.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33368

  80. Well there's no jumping in a triathlon.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33370

  81. You're thinking of the broad jump. Would you try-- bungee jumping?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33372

  82. Snowboarding?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33374

  83. I might.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33376

  84. Nothing. Just life-- and doing things-- before you die. I don't know.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33378

  85. Do I really want to go snowboarding? No. But I would like to if I wanted to.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33379

  86. So we should get the check?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33388

  87. Oh, no, no, no. No. It's stupid. You'd hate it. I hate it.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33390

  88. Yes you will.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33392

  89. I literally-- I put no thought into the wrapping at all. Might as well of been toilet paper.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33396

  90. That's just an arbitrary title.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33398

  91. It's not amazing... at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. And now your wish won't come true, so that blows.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33404

  92. Oh that I plagiarized I think.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33406

  93. I think it sucks.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33412

  94. Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes and you like lame things. It's a generational-- sort of gap between us.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33414

  95. That was a bunt.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33418

  96. Oh, just went to the bathroom.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33426

  97. I got thirsty.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33428

  98. Honestly, for a long time I thought I was going to grow old with Holly. And then I met Helene. And she is great and she already knows and has done everything that I have ever wanted to do and can tell me about it. But, I think I want to do those things myself.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33430

  99. Finish your cake, Helene.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33433

  100. I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you. I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Line 33435