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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 95)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 95 of 122

  1. Not yet!

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33017

  2. No it is- don't! I'm not gonna bump. I'm not gonna bump. And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33019

  3. Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33037

  4. Oh. He did? What did he say?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33039

  5. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33041

  6. Thank you, Stanley.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33044

  7. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33046

  8. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33048

  9. I can name Pixar movies, too. Toy Story.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33051

  10. I know what a flounder is.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33055

  11. I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke. I wish Jim had fallen into that pond and he'd have to put on my suit and it'd be too short and he'd look... Damn it! He'd still look good.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33056

  12. The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action that they have done that they regret. Show of hands- who has been 'Koi-ponded'? Who here's been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33057

  13. Uh...

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33059

  14. You never said anything.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33061

  15. Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 'Stop because I want you to stop' or STOP as in 'Stop. You're making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll. I am busting a gut. Stop!'

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33063

  16. We are going to make a 'Do Not Mock' list. Ok? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. Anything you put on this list you cannot be teased about. Got it? I'm gonna kick it off. Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? Ok. I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steamtown Mall. Ok. Who else? Who else? Dwight, come on.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33065

  17. Your nose?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33067

  18. Alright.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33069

  19. No. I haven't finished writing. Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Ok. Who else? Who else? Everybody's getting their chance.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33075

  20. Ok. That's to broad. It's gotta be something else. How 'bout your stomach? Yeah? Meredith?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33077

  21. Ok. Fine. Come on up here. Write it yourself. And don't sign your name to it. And nobody look. Everybody look away. Look away.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33079

  22. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33081

  23. It's a fish.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33107

  24. It could've died of natural causes. So...

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33109

  25. Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. How much do they want?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33112

  26. What? No. I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33114

  27. No, no.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33117

  28. No. We are not done here. This-

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33119

  29. No, Jim. You don't understand. Things like this don't just die. Kids in high school still call me 'Ponytail'.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33128

  30. Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time I got my ponytail stuck in the power trail.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33130

  31. I want to make fun of you right now.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33132

  32. No. Don't do that. You're not. You're not stupid.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33134

  33. Oh, my God.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33136

  34. Hey. I- I just wanna say that I cannot believe that I walked into a Koi pond. I mean, seriously. Walk much? Oh. I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33137

  35. Well, you know what? You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. I've seen that pond. This is the thing, I am a world class moron. That's the problem.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33139

  36. It's ok. We're having fun. It's not actually the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to hrow me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row. Oh... it was freezing. No. No. No. Oh, this is even worse. Couple weeks ago I went to get a new cellphone and I wanted on of those packages where you have, you know, the friends- the five- the friends and family thing and the guys was like, 'Who are your 5 friends?' and I'm, like, 'Uh... ' I didn't even know I couldn't even think. Oh, my God. It was so embarrassing. That was- oh. I don't even have Jan's cell phone number and I hate her! She won't give it to me. I was like, 'Oh, I guess I'm a loser. 'A luh-whooooo a za her'. Too far! God! Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33141

  37. Hey. Who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. He swiped the security tape for me and he's bringing it over.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33147

  38. Is this the tape of me falling?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33178

  39. No. It's ok. Watch it. He can't fire all of you.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33184

  40. It's alright. I can handle it.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33186

  41. I am a grown-up, Jim.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33188

  42. I don't think you froze.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33198

  43. Jim is jealous of me? Jim is jealous of me.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33205

  44. Oscar's a douche.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33208

  45. No. He's a- yeah, he's alright. Ok.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33210

  46. You're welcome. Whoa! Almost fell.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33212

  47. Morning Dwight.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33235

  48. No. I had a fish stick sandwich. Actually I had two fish stick sandwiches. My girlfriend didn't want hers. Because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33237

  49. Well, yeah...

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33239

  50. It worked.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33241

  51. I don't mind if I do.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33243

  52. I'm taking one for my lady friend.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33245

  53. Brain food. Thank you very much.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33247

  54. My girls. There they are.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33262

  55. Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch-- there is no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your 'Gee I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother' and fixes all occurrences of 'I don't really see them together'. So, open wide Pam and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33263

  56. Yeah--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33266

  57. I think everyone has meet Helene. Shall we?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33268

  58. No, that wouldn't be--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33272

  59. Yeah. The rest of the story has been censored due to-- inappropriosity.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33274

  60. Hey--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33276

  61. Please, Kevin. You're fired. Sorry, sorry. Work with a bunch of idiots. Shall we go?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33278

  62. Just want you to succeed Pammy. You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33295

  63. Today is about family.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33297

  64. Hello. Scott. Table for four.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33329

  65. What table should we take? So many to choose from.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33332

  66. What? All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. Oh, wait a second! You mean this one? Wow!

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33335

  67. Not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33337

  68. Well, it was actually me alone, so-- wow look at this place. Really makes me want to go to Italy some day.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33339

  69. Oh. Thank you. Thanks for lending me the books.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33341

  70. That's funny.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33345

  71. You're 54 years old.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33348

  72. You're 58 years old?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33350

  73. Congratulations.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33352

  74. The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you and I am not robbing the cradle. If anything I am robbing the grave.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33353

  75. That--

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33360

  76. Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, do you think?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33362

  77. Helene?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33364

  78. I am. I'm definitely going to do it. I've already got the run and the bike thing down. Just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33366

  79. So it's a matter of interest. Good, okay. It's not anything you would have ever done.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33368

  80. Well there's no jumping in a triathlon.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33370

  81. You're thinking of the broad jump. Would you try-- bungee jumping?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33372

  82. Snowboarding?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33374

  83. I might.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33376

  84. Nothing. Just life-- and doing things-- before you die. I don't know.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33378

  85. Do I really want to go snowboarding? No. But I would like to if I wanted to.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33379

  86. So we should get the check?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33388

  87. Oh, no, no, no. No. It's stupid. You'd hate it. I hate it.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33390

  88. Yes you will.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33392

  89. I literally-- I put no thought into the wrapping at all. Might as well of been toilet paper.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33396

  90. That's just an arbitrary title.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33398

  91. It's not amazing... at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. And now your wish won't come true, so that blows.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33404

  92. Oh that I plagiarized I think.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33406

  93. I think it sucks.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33412

  94. Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes and you like lame things. It's a generational-- sort of gap between us.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33414

  95. That was a bunt.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33418

  96. Oh, just went to the bathroom.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33426

  97. I got thirsty.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33428

  98. Honestly, for a long time I thought I was going to grow old with Holly. And then I met Helene. And she is great and she already knows and has done everything that I have ever wanted to do and can tell me about it. But, I think I want to do those things myself.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33430

  99. Finish your cake, Helene.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33433

  100. I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you and I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33435