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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 85)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 85 of 122

  1. It's like, a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29431

  2. I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, ok? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel? I don't know. Is that clear enough for you?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29433

  3. Hello, traitor.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29445

  4. I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you, and I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29447

  5. I'm just getting hardcore with him.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29449

  6. Yes, and hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. Bill Cosby.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29451

  7. Is Mr. Schofield there?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29455

  8. Well, if you could do me a big favor and tell Mr. Schofield that Michael Scott has tickets to the Wilkes-Barre Penguins game this weekend, and if he would like to join me... Hello, Daniel. How are you? Uh-huh. I sure do. Yes. Wanted to ask, did Kathy ever make JV?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29461

  9. Wow. High score?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29464

  10. Hello, Dwight, I've been expecting your call. What do you want?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29467

  11. So you heard Schofield is considering a switch, and you want mercy?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29469

  12. No. No. You think I am going to fall for that? There's no-

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29471

  13. Meet- Ok, go to the spot and then walk 100 feet.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29473

  14. Toward the sun.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29475

  15. Noon.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29477

  16. You have two seconds.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29479

  17. Dwight.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29481

  18. I hope you're not recording this conversation. Good. I cannot believe that you sided with Charles.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29483

  19. So you just rat me out? You could have said no.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29485

  20. If you want a truce, I will give you a truce.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29487

  21. I do too.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29489

  22. Cooper's.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29491

  23. Damn it.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29493

  24. Oh. Dwight-elicious. Where you at?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29494

  25. Really? That's weird. We didn't see any.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29496

  26. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29498

  27. Yeah, sure.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29500

  28. Okay, see you in a bit. Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29502

  29. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29506

  30. Dwight, not now, we've been robbed.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29508

  31. No, Dwight, we were robbed. How would you even know? You're still stuck in traffic. You?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29510

  32. What about our truce?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29512

  33. On purpose?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29514

  34. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29516

  35. Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29518

  36. Oh. Bastard!

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29520

  37. Dwight, do you mind if we talk?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29524

  38. If you keep coming after us, the Michael Scott Paper Company cannot succeed.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29526

  39. Oh, one more thing. I'm going to have you listen while I steal your biggest client.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29528

  40. Oh, uh oh, I'm turning you down right now.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29530

  41. You can hear me, but I can't hear you.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29532

  42. Oh, great. Mr. Schofield's ready to see me. Thank you so much.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29534

  43. Walking in the door...

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29536

  44. Mr. Schofield, good to see you. And I'm closing the door.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29538

  45. Now, when Dwight tells you that he will keep prices steady for a year, I think he is speaking out of turn.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29539

  46. Yes. He does not have the authority to say that. I, on the other hand, am the president, the owner, and the founder. It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29541

  47. What is that thing that Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow?

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29560

  48. That's very rude.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29567

  49. I'm going to pull a date out of the air right now. April 13th, 2002. That is the last day that you evaluated your paper needs. Is it not? We all know that the economy is bad, and bloated companies like Dunder Mifflin...

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29571

  50. Are going to fall by the wayside. Two of their branches have closed within the last year. The Michael Scott Paper Company, however, has opened a new branch this very month.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29573

  51. That sounds like a fantastic idea. I will see you this weekend for the Penguins. Box seats as usual.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29576

  52. Good, good, good. I will see you.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29578

  53. I color code all my info. I wrote 'gay son' in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means 'Orange you glad you didn't bring it up?' Most colors mean 'Don't say it.'

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29581

  54. I wanted to start a company, not a war. Because in a war, you always fight those you are closest to. And the great tragedy of the civil war is that brother fought against brother. For what? What purpose did that serve? Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important though. That's just how the world works, I guess.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29583

  55. He gives me leads and I take the leads from him and in exchange it makes him feel good. And if a friend can't make you feel good, then I don't want any friends. Except Dwight, because he is our only source of fertile leads.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29584

  56. Dwight just got Howard Family Dry Cleaners.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29585

  57. He's undercutting us big time. He's actually taking a loss and paying the difference out of pocket.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29587

  58. Hey, hey, hey. Something about that seems inappropriate.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29591

  59. Betrayal ain't just a river in Egypt.

    Season 5 · Episode 22 · Line 29592

  60. It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29606

  61. Time to make the donuts. Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. De-nied!

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29607

  62. Hello! Time to make the donuts! Oh, Halpert! Whoa! Boner patrol. Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts! Hey Pam.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29609

  63. Milk and sugar.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29612

  64. That's what I said.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29614

  65. Every morning.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29616

  66. We're, uh, we're doing okay. A couple weeks in and, um, we're having fun. Uh, yep. We have 20-- of those.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29617

  67. You know what we need? We need some couches in here.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29637

  68. Oh, you know what you would love? Is if we built a loft.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29639

  69. Like in a dorm room. You put your desk underneath, you have your loft up top. You can sleep up top.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29641

  70. Most do in the magazines.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29644

  71. We should look into that. Or we just go for the loft.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29646

  72. How much can we afford to pay a delivery guy?

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29677

  73. They are correct, sir.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29679

  74. Okay. A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29681

  75. Lowest in town.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29683

  76. Okay, sure. Right, so-- why don't you explain what that is to-- so that they can under-- just explain what that is.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29690

  77. Explain that.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29693

  78. Well, we don't--

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29695

  79. Whatever, yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29697

  80. Our prices are the only thing keeping us in business.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29699

  81. Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29701

  82. Just crunch 'em. Just crunch 'em please.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29703

  83. Hi, Jerry. Michael Scott. Well, this is slightly embarrassing. Um, I'm going to have to... ask you to pay me a little bit more money for that delivery we dropped off yesterday. Yeah. We did. We got the check, but we're just going to need a much, much bigger check.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29706

  84. Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29730

  85. I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29732

  86. I would love that.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29734

  87. Was it nice?

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29739

  88. I love Pad Thai.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29741

  89. No. There's a lot I haven't done.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29743

  90. Hmm?

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29761

  91. We're not hiring, Jim.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29763

  92. Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29765

  93. Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl--

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29771

  94. No-- We don't have--

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29773

  95. Uh... Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29775

  96. Yes, well, we're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29779

  97. That's a pun.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29781

  98. Yep. Oh... wow.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29783

  99. Of course not.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29785

  100. Nope, nope, nope.

    Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29787