Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 79)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 79 of 122

1. You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She's the love of my life. She just left... and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure.

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2. Do I look okay?

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3. Hi.

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4. Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.

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5. Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?

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6. Oh- She's not here?

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7. A.J.

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8. She has a boyfriend.

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9. How could she do this to me, Pam?

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10. I can't do the presentation, I can't- ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!

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11. I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?

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12. And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.

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13. [laughs]

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14. [sighs]

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15. I can do this.

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16. Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper' and get them to 'Show us the money!' Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?

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17. A.J. What kind of name is A.J.?

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18. What do you race cars?

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19. Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?

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20. Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?

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21. Huh- Does she ever talk about me?

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22. It's all connected. Shut up. Does she ever mention 'Michael Scott?'

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23. Does it feel good?

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24. Your life. Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let's just- We'll just continue. Oh, wow. Ooh, okay.

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25. Yeah, yeah... uh, I can't do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards.

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26. No, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. Okay... okay.

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27. [sighs, touches Holly's sweater, cuts off sleeve, chuckles, sees Word document on Holly's computer named 'Dear Michael,' plugs in USB flash drive to copy file from computer]

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28. Want some pie?

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29. I went through Holly's things.

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30. I stole a sleeve of her sweater.

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31. I also stole something off of her computer. A document called 'Dear Michael.'

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32. I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.

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33. No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.

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34. Yes.

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35. How?

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36. I know, I know. You're right, you're right.

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37. No, that wouldn't-

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38. No, you don't have to do that.

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39. Okay.

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40. Well?

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41. She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?

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42. You're sure?

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43. Okay.

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44. I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.

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45. Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!

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46. Jabba the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!

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47. Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.

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48. Hello, may I help you?

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49. ...Jim.

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50. Ayyyy!

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51. Ayyyy!

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52. What was that?

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53. That was funny. Let's go do it to somebody else. Ayyyy!

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54. Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doin OK, bud?

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55. Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting...

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56. Oh, wow look at those. How nice for you. Up there, front and center, beautiful. I think they would look better right here. They're very pretty and I wouldn't want them to fall.

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57. Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion, and it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces.

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58. Pam, really, they're back?

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59. Can I have a word with you, Jim?

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60. Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.

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61. Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.

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62. Mm-hmm.

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63. Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest--

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64. --that none of us can be a part of--

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65. --then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.

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66. So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only.

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67. So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.

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68. I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life, the transfer of my bodily fluids, oh wow, that's a big needle, that --

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69. Okay. Hello.

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70. Oh, OK.

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71. Yeah, me too.

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72. Oh, well, that's fine.

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73. Yeah, can I point something out to you?

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74. You're actually talking a lot.

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75. Okay, here we go.

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76. Oh, God.

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77. Yup, I'm good, whew. Wow, I feel like a human juicebox. Hawaiian blood punch.

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78. Type O-Ocean Spray.

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79. Yick.

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80. I looked at the bag.

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81. I looked straight at the bag.

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82. Could you distract me for a second, just talk about things that don't have blood in them?

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83. That was mean.

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84. A hat.

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85. That is full of soup.

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86. What?

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87. Oh, already.

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88. Whew, wow I was so nervous about this I don't think I ate for three days.

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89. Oh my God, how long was I out?

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90. Excuse me, waitress, where did the lady go?

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91. OK. Oh, wait a second, wait a second, that's hers. This is hers, she left her glove. I need her name if I'm gonna return her glove.

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92. Well here we all are. Alone but together. No flowers for us. Relationships, we don't need no stinking relationships. I think we should all go around and tell our worst relationship story, and then get past it, just blow through it, yeah? Kelly, what about Ryan? He treated you pretty terribly, yeah?

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93. Yeah, but now his heart is in Thailand along with the rest of his body having random sex. Okay, sorry, let's, who else? Oscar.

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94. Come on, I'm sure there's something you need to get off your chest.

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95. If you wanna just, anything? Are you sure? I'm sure whatever you did it wasn't your fault. OK well, who else?

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96. Moron, if he was there wouldn't be a story.

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97. Really sad.

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98. Oh my God.

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99. Well then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him!

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100. Alright who's next? Where's Andy?

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