Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.
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Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26160
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Well?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26187
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You know this can't go on.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26191
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We have to put an end to this.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26193
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Come on.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26195
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When will she be ready?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26199
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Is she crazy in bed?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26201
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How so, specifically?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26204
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Really?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26210
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It's too late.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26212
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I am already walking.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26214
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Okay, what does that mean?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26216
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Jim, this has to get out, so we can all deal with it.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26218
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Thanks. Andy?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26221
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Walk with me.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26223
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Ohh, I do not have much time... car's all the way over there, to tell you what I have to tell you. And just bear in mind when I say... say these things, that... are bad things... that you hear... in your ears... this is something that I, if I were you, that I wouldn't want to hear...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26225
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Well... no, I'm not. So I... I'm not very articulate today, so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26227
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Which will be fine. I am off!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26229
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Thank you!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26231
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Okay. I will... Dwight and Angela are having an affair, so...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26233
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Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping together for some time. That was the news. I wanted to let you know.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26235
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All right. See you later. Ahh.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26237
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Yep.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26239
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Right what?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26269
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David, here it is. My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26271
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Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26272
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This is going to sound sort of high-maintenance, but could we have it, like, three degrees cooler in here? I always think better when it's cooler.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26273
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Hey, what say we order up some pasta?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26275
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So I was in the office, and I look over to our Accounting division, and there is Kevin Malone. Kevin is wearing a jacket that I've never seen before. And I call over to Kevin, 'Kevin, is that a tweed jacket?' And he looks at me and he says, 'Michael, yes it is a tweed jacket.' And I look back at him and I say, 'I feel the need!... The need for tweed.'
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26344
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Oh, thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26346
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I have to say, I am so impressed with the potential you see in me.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26348
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Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26350
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Wow, what a day! Haha! I thought I was gong to get chewed out, but, hold on! Here's an attaboy for ya! What? Rollercoaster ride! Rollercoaster! It just goes to show, you leave Scranton, exciting things can happen. Ahh!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26397
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What you talking bout, Wallace?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26410
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Hi, I am well, how are you?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26412
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Oh, have you not?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26414
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Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26416
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Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26418
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Fax, why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26420
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Oh, well, then, email it to me.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26422
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I will seduce her.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26446
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No, I will seduce her.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26448
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No, I got it.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26450
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Yeah, so what if I did? That would take precedence and I would expect your support.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26452
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Alright, I am a local business owner. I need to buy paper. I find out everything about their prices and policies
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26454
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Michael Scarn.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26456
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Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26458
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No.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26460
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No, no, I never said Denny's. IHOP.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26462
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Oh, don't start,
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26465
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You know what? I don't want to get into this debate again. I enjoy IHOP.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26467
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You will have pancakes and you'll like it.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26469
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So what?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26471
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Maybe they are shrinking.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26473
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They could be shrinking.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26475
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Ah ha Yup.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26477
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Mm hmm .
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26479
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And there are clouds. There are clouds in the sky, which means gonna rain, bad for business.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26481
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Argh, why are you all...
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26483
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Shut up.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26485
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Ready to do this?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26487
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Good. Here come the sharks.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26489
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In nature, there is something called a food chain; it's where the shark eats a little shark. And the little shark eats a littler shark. And so on and so on. Until you get down to the single cell shark. So now replace sharks with paper companies and that is all you need to know about business.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26490
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Hello.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26491
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My name is Michael Scarn. I am a local business owner and I would like to find out about your company.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26493
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Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26495
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We are a law firm.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26497
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You know, I will be honest with you... about something. Where we used to live, our paper supplier had a lot of big clients and I just didn't feel like a priority. So I guess my question for you would be how many clients do you have?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26499
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Really? That many? This doesn't seem like a very big operation.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26501
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Ah, so when did you set up shop?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26503
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Oh Vietnam, I hear it's lovely .
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26505
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So, even specialty paper, say 94 brightness double-bonded, you would put that on the same truck as your conventional stock?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26513
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Well that is... because... I am a genius.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26515
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Yes, well about some things, and other things I am very stupid. Like, watch this. Is this the cup? Is this the cup? Is this what I drink out of? Laughter is my job, tears are my game, law is my profession.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26517
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Try 80.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26523
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Hey, hey, how is your interview going?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26538
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Don't blow it. Hey Linda, can I get a picture of you?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26540
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I would, could you just stand over here? That would be great Just a little something to remember the trip by. A little to your left
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26542
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What's going on? Little homework over here? Lets see if I can help. Huh, math, that's not so hard. Ok. There are 4 of these, ignore the parenthesis, right?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26545
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Why is this little 2 so small? It's, it's weird, you don't, you just go by the x. The x means times. 4 times x 2. What is double 4?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26547
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Excellent! Way to go! Nice!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26549
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Oh, well thank you very much for all of your help. It's going to be an incredibly hard decision.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26555
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I... Okay, okay, okay, alright, thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26557
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Of course. Thank you very much. Thanks for your time.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26559
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I cannot wait to contact your clients.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26561
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Haha, we struck the mother load!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26565
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Wallace is going to freak.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26567
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He's going to absolutely freak.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26569
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Oh shoot.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26571
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Oh God, what was that?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26573
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Aw, it's alright.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26577
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Aw, my car.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26579
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No no, we are fine. You have done enough already.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26584
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Just, shut up. You know we are just going to call a tow truck, so...
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26586
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No, no, really not necessary.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26588
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You know let me give you some money for this.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26595
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Oh coffee, that's too much.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26597
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Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26601
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Ok, goodbye Prince Family.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26604
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Dwight, what will happen to that family if I call David and give him this information?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26609