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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 81)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 81 of 122

  1. Wait a second, wait a second, I wrote it down in my diary.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28026

  2. Yes I do. You've just never seen it. March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28028

  3. Why do you have a diary?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28030

  4. OK, you know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28032

  5. Yes, you did.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28034

  6. What are you writing?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28036

  7. Would you like to go to lunch with me? Just the two of us?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28038

  8. We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something and I will say what you're thinking--

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28050

  9. Umm, nacho chips.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28052

  10. Oh, OK. Let me just cut to the chase, Dwight. I want you to fall on your sword for me.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28054

  11. Why do you even want to stay at Dunder Mifflin? I mean what's the point? You're cooped up in there all day. You don't get to do your farming. You're not dating Angela anymore. It doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. It doesn't matter. Me on the other hand, I would be lost without this place. You, way too manly.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28057

  12. It's not ready yet.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28059

  13. I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life, like the day that you get married or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28060

  14. May I have your attention please. I have an announcement. Mr. Dwight Schrute and I just returned from a wonderful stroll together and although I probably will never do it again, I had fun. I really had fun with my best friend, Dwight.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28061

  15. Yes they are, you just don't care about the information.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28063

  16. He doesn't love it that much. Wouldn't be such a bad thing for him to be fired.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28065

  17. I mean, like we were talking about that is why he has come to the conclusion...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28067

  18. Right.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28069

  19. That's it. That's it. You can't put a price on freedom.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28071

  20. That's why you made the decision. That's why you made...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28073

  21. You kind of have.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28075

  22. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28077

  23. Oh my God. Dwight! Dwight! Get in--- what's it gonna be, what are you gonna do? What's it gonna be? Are you gonna do this thing for me? Dwight? Hey David, how are you? Good to see you. Nice surprise. Dwight and I were just having a very unfortunate conversation.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28083

  24. Yes it is, but it had to be done, didn't it?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28085

  25. Hey, Dwight, great idea. Dwight, Dwight, great idea. How'd you come up with that idea?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28091

  26. Really? How did-- how are you inspired? How did it pop into your head Dwight?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28093

  27. Give me the details of how that happened.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28095

  28. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28097

  29. David? David?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28108

  30. David?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28110

  31. Could I be a part of the meeting also?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28112

  32. There is no movie called Willy Wonka. It's called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28121

  33. I can't... vouch for that. But I do know this. He is a liar. He has taken my idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28124

  34. OK, here's what happened, David. It was all my idea. You called me and you were really angry at me and I got scared, so I had Dwight take the fall, but now, it turns out that it's a great idea and Dwight will not confess. Can you believe that?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28127

  35. Oh how dare you.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28130

  36. You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey, did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a net, circular net, that you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formally known as toilet guard?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28132

  37. Oh please.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28134

  38. Toilet sponge. It's a hollowed out sponge...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28136

  39. ...that is more absorbent, and softer than toilet paper. I have a lot of toilet ideas.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28138

  40. They're not easy. Everybody has to go to the bathroom.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28140

  41. Thank You!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28144

  42. Well David, I will be honest with you. I do want the credit without any of the blame.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28146

  43. When they look back on this day in the history books all that will be remembered is that I had a good idea. And that's what I am going to write down in my diary. That is what I want you to write down in yours.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28150

  44. I want to see it.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28152

  45. I want to see it.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28154

  46. Give me... Give me the diary.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28156

  47. I like it.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28180

  48. I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28185

  49. And classy, yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28187

  50. You know, that's good but it's not classy. I-I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28191

  51. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28193

  52. He is.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28195

  53. That's what makes him classy.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28197

  54. Strawberries?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28202

  55. Not classy at all.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28206

  56. French. Classy.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28208

  57. Yes?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28212

  58. Miner? I hardly know her!... Hello?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28214

  59. Uh-huh. Well, well, well, who have we here? Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner. At your service. Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner and he is the new VP for the Northeast region. So, just give it up for this big guy, right? Give it up. Here he is.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28216

  60. Wow! Hold that thought. I want everybody to go into the break room. I have a little surprise for you. Go ahead. You too. Dwight, would you escort our guest in there? C'mon, here we go, don't be shy, don't be shy, you're one of us . Dwight, stall him a little, I have to get the fish.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28218

  61. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28220

  62. What? No, I didn't want to make everybody nervous.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28222

  63. You look dynamite. What are you talking about? Very slick. Ok, get the fish.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28224

  64. Surprise, there is nothing in here. The real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go! Oh! God! Ok, come on, come on!

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28226

  65. Surprise! As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's, for Charles.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28228

  66. Took me all night.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28230

  67. I met this guy at corporate last week and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So, who knows? I do. It's gonna be mental! It's going to be mental.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28232

  68. All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28245

  69. Oh, nerd alert!

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28247

  70. This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I am very proud of him for that.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28249

  71. This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28251

  72. There you go! Where's the other?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28253

  73. Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28255

  74. Good. Good, good, good. Everyone, please give it up for Charles Miner.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28258

  75. Oh! Well...

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28260

  76. Above and beyond.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28262

  77. That's true.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28264

  78. No. Absolutely not.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28267

  79. Well, due to the economy, there is a lot of worry going around. I didn't want to worry people.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28271

  80. Well, why don't-

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28273

  81. Charles is going to tell you.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28275

  82. Well, it's not official.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28278

  83. Such as salary, benefits, etc, etc. Insurance.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28280

  84. Well-

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28282

  85. Ok, ok, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. He has a long trip home. Thank you for coming in. We have to get back to work.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28284

  86. Oh no, no, no. You don't have to do that. I've got this covered. This was just a meet-and-greet.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28286

  87. I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28288

  88. David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28289

  89. It was my understanding.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28291

  90. Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28293

  91. But the branch is still mine?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28295

  92. Oh, right. David, are you coming to my fifteenth anniversary party?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28298

  93. Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28301

  94. I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree, so what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28304

  95. Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28306

  96. Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28308

  97. You're not from paper?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28310

  98. Does David know this?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28312

  99. Well that, actually, is an excellent segue into really what is my only point-

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28314

  100. And that- I-I don't need to be managed, Charles. And if you want pick up some tips, observing here, and take them to the other branches, it's all good. But Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny, and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry, so... Are we clear?

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28316