Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 60

Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20289

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20291

Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20293

Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20295

Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20297

I will allow it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20299

Uh...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20301

Uh-huh.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20303

Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define 'begin'. I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20305

If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20307

Line.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20310

Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20321

Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20324

Irie.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20326

I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20329

Can I sit here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20334

How can you give up my diary like that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20336

How'd you even find it?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20338

I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20340

Fine. I love you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20342

Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20345

Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had sex with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20348

Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20350

That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... ...of water.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20352

March 17th.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20354

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20356

'I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20358

[stares at Diane, eyes tearing up]

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20360

How can you do that to me?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20370

Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20374

See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20377

...Absolutely not.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20381

Oh, hey no biggie. Just...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20399

Hey, David?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20401

I think you're a nice guy too.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20403

Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20405

What do you want to do for dinner?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20406

Sure trying to save some money... get something cheap.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20408

Do you fast food?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20410

I have some, uh, experience. I, um, once had to testify in a traffic accident case.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20448

Yes. My testimony was actually very important, um, because the accident was my fault. Tell Meredith I said it another time.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20450

Before we continue, I would like to make an opening statement.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20452

Ladies and gentlemen of... the... table. I would just like to say what a joy it is for me to be here today, but frankly, at my age, it's a joy to be anywhere. I'm only forty-four, so I'm not old, and I guess that doesn't really play. But the point is, I have a sense of humor. And I implore you all to have a sense of humor as well. Jan, David, my wonderful girlfriend, my gorgeous company... Why don't we all just take a big deep breath... and just relax. Good. That feels good. All right. Everybody feel better?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20454

Na, Na-oh, Naa-es.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20456

Ye-ohh. Ye-no.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20458

Very nice!

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20460

High five!

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20462

Can't stop.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20465

Forgot normal talk.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20467

Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. Do you have plans tonight?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20470

Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20472

All right, happy Friday. Well I think we dodged a bullet there.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20474

I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20476

You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20478

Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20481

Hello.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20485

Come on in. Good to see you.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20488

Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20490

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20492

Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20494

Except driving.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20496

Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20499

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20503

Totally your call babe.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20505

Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20508

Well, thats...

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20510

Yep, never been used.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20512

No.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20514

This is it, check that out, can you smell that?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20516

As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20518

Bond.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20523

James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20525

Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20530

Well, I-

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20532

Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20535

It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20537

I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? Voila, right in the wall.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20539

Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20541

No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20543

If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20548

Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20552

I'll get it.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20554

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20557

Very nice.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20560

When in Rome.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20569

Whatever you say babe.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20571

All right.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20573

How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20574

Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20576

Yeah that sounds good.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20579

You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20582

All right, my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20594

What, no, I'm just making people laugh.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20596

Yes, I was watching Jim's face.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20598

And he was laughing.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20600

Look at him, he's laughing.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20602

Well you don't need two of you to do that.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20606

That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20611

All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom-

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20613

All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20615

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 60)