Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 60

Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20289

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20291

Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20293

Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20295

Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20297

I will allow it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20299

Uh...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20301

Uh-huh.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20303

Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define 'begin'. I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20305

If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20307

Line.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20310

Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20321

Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20324

Irie.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20326

I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20329

Can I sit here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20334

How can you give up my diary like that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20336

How'd you even find it?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20338

I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20340

Fine. I love you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20342

Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20345

Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had sex with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20348

Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20350

That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... ...of water.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20352

March 17th.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20354

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20356

'I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20358

[stares at Diane, eyes tearing up]

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20360

How can you do that to me?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20370

Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20374

See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20377

...Absolutely not.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20381

Oh, hey no biggie. Just...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20399

Hey, David?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20401

I think you're a nice guy too.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20403

Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20405

What do you want to do for dinner?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20406

Sure trying to save some money... get something cheap.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20408

Do you fast food?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20410

I have some, uh, experience. I, um, once had to testify in a traffic accident case.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20448

Yes. My testimony was actually very important, um, because the accident was my fault. Tell Meredith I said it another time.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20450

Before we continue, I would like to make an opening statement.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20452

Ladies and gentlemen of... the... table. I would just like to say what a joy it is for me to be here today, but frankly, at my age, it's a joy to be anywhere. I'm only forty-four, so I'm not old, and I guess that doesn't really play. But the point is, I have a sense of humor. And I implore you all to have a sense of humor as well. Jan, David, my wonderful girlfriend, my gorgeous company... Why don't we all just take a big deep breath... and just relax. Good. That feels good. All right. Everybody feel better?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20454

Na, Na-oh, Naa-es.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20456

Ye-ohh. Ye-no.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20458

Very nice!

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20460

High five!

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20462

Can't stop.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20465

Forgot normal talk.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20467

Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. Do you have plans tonight?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20470

Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20472

All right, happy Friday. Well I think we dodged a bullet there.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20474

I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20476

You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20478

Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20481

Hello.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20485

Come on in. Good to see you.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20488

Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20490

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20492

Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20494

Except driving.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20496

Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20499

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20503

Totally your call babe.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20505

Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20508

Well, thats...

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20510

Yep, never been used.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20512

No.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20514

This is it, check that out, can you smell that?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20516

As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20518

Bond.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20523

James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20525

Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20530

Well, I-

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20532

Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20535

It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20537

I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? Voila, right in the wall.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20539

Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20541

No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20543

If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20548

Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20552

I'll get it.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20554

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20557

Very nice.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20560

When in Rome.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20569

Whatever you say babe.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20571

All right.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20573

How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20574

Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20576

Yeah that sounds good.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20579

You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20582

All right, my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20594

What, no, I'm just making people laugh.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20596

Yes, I was watching Jim's face.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20598

And he was laughing.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20600

Look at him, he's laughing.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20602

Well you don't need two of you to do that.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20606

That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20611

All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom-

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20613

All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20615

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 60)