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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 58)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 58 of 122

  1. Yeah we all want money. But there is none in the budget, so... Tell me why you're really leaving.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19598

  2. Mo money mo problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this, if I were-

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19600

  3. Pssh, kay.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19602

  4. Fillipellers, how's it hanging?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19614

  5. To the left?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19616

  6. To the right?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19618

  7. Okay, enough small talk, go ahead.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19620

  8. Yes, listen, um... You cannot tear Stanley from his family like this.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19622

  9. No, his work family. Look, this is very hard for me, but I'm going to give you my best man. You may have Toby.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19624

  10. You can train him. He's very very smart, and funny, and charming... You know, I can't do it, Toby is the worst. That- that was a bluff, um... Listen, if you are going to poach one of my guys, I'm going to poach one of yours.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19626

  11. Okay, good-bye. Wait! Wait! Karen, could you transfer me to one of your salespeople please? Your best one?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19628

  12. Hi Ben, Michael Scott.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19630

  13. I'm going to cut right to the chase here. Do you like magic? Because I'm a genie in a bottle, and I'm going to grant you three wishes. To move to Scranton, to have a great job, and to be my best friend.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19632

  14. Get out. Uh, yeah. I also saved her life, but I guess that's not as grabby.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19635

  15. No, I fired them, and your next. ... So what do you say?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19637

  16. What is that guy talking about? Scranton is not lame. Scranton is the cool, fun branch. We're like Animal House.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19639

  17. Jim, we're getting crapped on. Word is that our branch sucks, and we have to do something about it.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19641

  18. What are we going to do? We are going to make a monster sale, that's what we're going to do. Corcroan dropped Staples.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19643

  19. Yes they did, oh yes they did, and we are going to murder it. You, me, Dwight are going to jump into my PT Cruiser, and we're going to crush this sale. We're going to prove, what the hell is that music?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19645

  20. That's the problem, that's the problem. We need rock n' roll Pam, rock n' roll. Alright? Oh... My... God, that's why people are leaving. I- I have no words.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19647

  21. What? What? We did?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19649

  22. Look at his face! Look at his face!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19651

  23. What are we doing, Dwight, what we are doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19654

  24. We are going on a panty raid to Utica, is what we're doing.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19656

  25. Uh-huh.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19658

  26. Yes you are. Oh, buckle up Jim.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19660

  27. We are going to make Karen wish that she had never been dumped by you.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19662

  28. In your face

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19665

  29. Are you calling Karen?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19668

  30. Yep, get it.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19671

  31. It had to be done, it had to be done.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19676

  32. Hey Dwight, he found it.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19680

  33. Alright, you're going to miss the best prank ever.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19682

  34. Do you really wanna know?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19684

  35. Follow me, come here. Here's what we brought, we brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought silly string, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19686

  36. No, no, not real bombs.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19688

  37. Uh, maybe, maybe, I don't know.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19690

  38. It could be badass. Yeah, it will.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19692

  39. Teach her to offer Stanley more money.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19696

  40. So, why did you and Karen break up? Was it the sex?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19698

  41. I can't imagine the sex being bad, I mean her body is...

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19700

  42. ...awesome.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19702

  43. Okay, I will start. Um, 'A.' 'A' my name is Alan, and my wife's name is Alice, we live in Alaska, and we sell... Damn it! What do we sell? Um...

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19704

  44. I'm trying to think of what we could sell.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19706

  45. Ah, la, la, la. What is that? That sound... The air-conditioning leaking or something?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19708

  46. What is that? Dwight, are you peeing?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19710

  47. Come on man, that is disgusting Dwight!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19713

  48. I'll kill you man!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19717

  49. That is just so disgusting!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19719

  50. Afro wig, do you want the afro wig?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19735

  51. Yeah, Dwight, here's how it's going to go down. You and I-

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19737

  52. You and I are going to sneak inside and pretend that we are warehouse workers. And then we will silly string the beejeezus out of the place.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19739

  53. We are in a stairwell.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19763

  54. There's a guy, there's a guy.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19768

  55. Oh my God, oh my God, that was very close.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19770

  56. We found something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19776

  57. It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall, into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19778

  58. Aha!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19780

  59. We're wedged between the copier and the railing. Ah! Ow! Ow, my leg! Jim leave us.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19782

  60. Save yourself!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19784

  61. Dwight, you gotta move!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19787

  62. Dwight, could you move over a little bit.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19789

  63. Take her to a motel, make love to her Jim.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19793

  64. Just say you wanna get back together.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19795

  65. It doesn't have to mean anything. Just, do it for Stanley. Come on Jim, just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Ah, Jim, if this is it for me, promise me something, host the Dundies.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19797

  66. Dwight. Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head, we will burn Utica to the ground.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19811

  67. We tried and we failed. Stanley, you may go. Here is a box, for your things, but I doubt that that box will be able to contain all the memories that you have of this place. Fly away sweet little bird, fly away and be free. Pam, I'm gonna need some help writing a want ad.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19824

  68. Um, wanted: middle aged black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart. I can't do this.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19825

  69. Of course.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19827

  70. Really?

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19829

  71. Utica is snoozeville, um, Albany are the prepsters, Nashua, no parking, um, Akron is haunted, Camden... is in a basement, Yonkers has the two hot girls, and here in Scranton, we are the cool guys.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19863

  72. Woo! Shotgun!

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19864

  73. Yes, I am, but I want shotgun for you.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19866

  74. No, Dwight! Dwight, Jim is sitting next to me. You're gonna sit in the back left where I don't have to see your ugly moongob.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19869

  75. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Dwight, you're handsome. You're a very handsome man, get in the car.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19871

  76. Dwight! Stop it! Can you help me please, I'm being crushed.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19888

  77. Would it have killed you to spend the afternoon making love to her in a motel room? Like I begged you to? Pam would have understood. Heck, Pam would have done it.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19889

  78. You embarrassed us.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Line 19892

  79. Morning.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19897

  80. Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19907

  81. Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping, and you know what hypothetical means? Not real.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19909

  82. So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19911

  83. Really?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19914

  84. Oh, you wanna go today?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19916

  85. How often can you actually donate blood?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19919

  86. Your body only has a certain amount.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19921

  87. Yeah, just this whole Toby, camping thing, uh, seems a little lame.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19923

  88. A bunch of guys, in a tent? Making s'mores?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19925

  89. Hello, I'm Broken Mountain. You know, here's the thing. That's not how you go camping. I think you go camping by yourself---

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19927

  90. In the wilderness. It's not with a group of guys frolicking around in tents. It's one guy, or two guys, if your plans change.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19929

  91. I wanna do it myself. You know, I want to go and, and find out something about myself, I wanna get outta here. All the cliques, and the office politics. Fluorescent lights. Asbestos.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19931

  92. I'm sick of it Jim. I'm sick of this place.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19933

  93. When Jan and I had satellite, we used to watch a reality show called 'Survivorman.' And, it was interesting because it was about a guy who would go out in the middle of no where and just try not to die, try not to get eaten by an animal, or be overexposed.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19934

  94. OK, I will only need two things. Roll of duct tape and a knife.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19935

  95. OK. Thirty minutes or less, please come back. Save the receipts. Hey, what...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19937

  96. Hey, hey hey! Dwight.. Dwight.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19939

  97. Dwight and I are going out. He will return later, but I will not. I will also be taking a personal day tomorrow, and perhaps the next day.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19941

  98. No.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19943

  99. Dwight will be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19945

  100. Where he will then leave me to either die or to survive. The choice is yours.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19947