Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 59

Yes, and I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19949

This is a very personal, private experience in the wild, that I wish to share it with me, myself and I.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19951

When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19953

This is what a true survivor man does. You simulate a disaster, like a plane wreck. You could only wear the clothes that you have on, and you could only use the stuff you have in your pockets. Now, in this case, this disaster is a serial killer. Creepy guy who's abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19956

Well, yes I would. And I would survive.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19958

Well...

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19960

You...

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19962

You... you are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real. OK.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19964

I am putting this on so I have no familiarity with my surroundings. Now this way, I can't retrace my steps. I don't know what streets we've been--- Ow! What are you doing?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19966

No! Gosh! Dwight. Stop it, stop it! Stop it.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19968

Just, please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19970

Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19979

Happy Birthday!

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19981

Happy Birthday!

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19983

Happy Birthday!

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19985

Dwight will take my blindfold off when we are deep in the forest. Just the two of us from this point out.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19996

What are you doing? Stop. Dwight, Dwight. Just --

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20008

Stop.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20010

Alright, good. Thank you, Dwight.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20012

Alright, very good. Ahh, OK.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20014

Thanks for the ride. OK. Leave me be, Dwight.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20016

Day One. I'm in the interior of the vast Pennsylvania wilderness. I've brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife, roll of duct tape, in case I need to craft some shelter or make some sort of water vessel. It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's really beating down on me now. I think that I want to get a little more comfortable because the sun is depleting my resources. OK. OH, there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery here...

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20039

There we go. Much better. Now everything I brought with me can be used. My sport coat here, can be fashioned into a backpack of sorts.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20041

I'm going to wear what was once one of my pant legs.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20042

See, this is a beautiful piece of material This could be used for all sorts of things.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20043

Some sort of kerchief to keep my neck nice and comfortable.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20044

I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna here me. Wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS! Doesn't even matter.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20058

Well it is a little chillier than I had thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. Several hours in, time for me to find some nourishment. Now, these woods are full of creatures that can sustain human life. Things like, uh, squirrels, nice juicy rabbit would be delicious.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20060

I have made this spear, with which I will impale my dinner. And it couldn't come a moment too soon because I have been without food for a good three hours or so. I'm startin' to feel it a little bit. Ohh... It's Creed's birthday. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, buddy.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20062

Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I've made myself a nice pants tent shelter. And this little guy may be Dunder Mifflin paper some day.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20074

Under this tree, I think I struck the mother load. Those are nature's best mushrooms. Wild, and I have to say these little buggers are damn tasty as well.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20103

Yeah! Alright, skip around the room. Skip around the room. We want -- OK, alright. Yeah, don't do that. You're gonna break something.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20106

Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20107

Hey, buddy.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20108

What up?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20110

You are relieved.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20112

So what did I miss?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20114

Oh.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20116

Yeah, okay, I did that. Rookie mistake.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20118

Uh huh. Yeah, just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20120

That's what I said. That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20122

I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20124

Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20126

Come in!

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20127

Pam, are you my friend?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20129

We have been friends forever, right?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20131

Hypothetically... would you go camping with me, if I were to ask you? And bear in mind that I would never actually ask you to go camping. That Jim is also a friend of mine, and I would rather die than make any sort of improper ovation toward you.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20133

Do you understand that Jim is like a brother to me, and I would never do anything inappropriate?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20136

So, as friends, would you go with me on a camping trip?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20138

Thank you for your honesty.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20140

Split the difference. Hey... mint chocolate chip, please? Is Jim out there?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20142

Can you send Dwight in here?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20144

Mmhmm. I had something very personal I would like to discuss. Would you go find Jim, and send him in here, please?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20147

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20155

All right, Dexter, just give me the knife.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20157

No, just get me a case. All right.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20159

MmMmm. All I need...

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20161

No, Dwight!

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20163

I'm telling you, all I will need are my instincts and my will to survive.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20165

What is this called again?

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20167

I'll call back.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20169

Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20172

You can't always work 200 days though.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20174

Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20175

Yep.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20177

Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20179

N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20181

I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20183

Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? Hi buddy.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20185

Yeah, I hate that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20187

So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20189

Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20191

Well-

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20193

Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20195

Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20197

Million dollars!

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20199

Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20201

Perfect crime.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20203

Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20205

I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20207

Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20209

Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20211

Hey hey.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20213

I would love that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20216

Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20218

It is.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20220

Hi. No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20245

Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20247

Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20249

Okay. All right.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20252

Yessh.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20254

Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20256

I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20266

Six years and two months.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20268

That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20270

That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20272

Uh, wh-why would she say that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20274

Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20278

Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20284

She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20287

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 59)