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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 59)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 59 of 122

  1. Yes, and I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19949

  2. This is a very personal, private experience in the wild, that I wish to share it with me, myself and I.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19951

  3. When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19953

  4. This is what a true survivor man does. You simulate a disaster, like a plane wreck. You could only wear the clothes that you have on, and you could only use the stuff you have in your pockets. Now, in this case, this disaster is a serial killer. Creepy guy who's abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19956

  5. Well, yes I would. And I would survive.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19958

  6. Well...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19960

  7. You...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19962

  8. You... you are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real. OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19964

  9. I am putting this on so I have no familiarity with my surroundings. Now this way, I can't retrace my steps. I don't know what streets we've been--- Ow! What are you doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19966

  10. No! Gosh! Dwight. Stop it, stop it! Stop it.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19968

  11. Just, please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19970

  12. Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19979

  13. Happy Birthday!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19981

  14. Happy Birthday!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19983

  15. Happy Birthday!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19985

  16. Dwight will take my blindfold off when we are deep in the forest. Just the two of us from this point out.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 19996

  17. What are you doing? Stop. Dwight, Dwight. Just --

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20008

  18. Stop.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20010

  19. Alright, good. Thank you, Dwight.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20012

  20. Alright, very good. Ahh, OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20014

  21. Thanks for the ride. OK. Leave me be, Dwight.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20016

  22. Day One. I'm in the interior of the vast Pennsylvania wilderness. I've brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife, roll of duct tape, in case I need to craft some shelter or make some sort of water vessel. It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's really beating down on me now. I think that I want to get a little more comfortable because the sun is depleting my resources. OK. OH, there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery here...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20039

  23. There we go. Much better. Now everything I brought with me can be used. My sport coat here, can be fashioned into a backpack of sorts.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20041

  24. I'm going to wear what was once one of my pant legs.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20042

  25. See, this is a beautiful piece of material This could be used for all sorts of things.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20043

  26. Some sort of kerchief to keep my neck nice and comfortable.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20044

  27. I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna here me. Wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS! Doesn't even matter.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20058

  28. Well it is a little chillier than I had thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. Several hours in, time for me to find some nourishment. Now, these woods are full of creatures that can sustain human life. Things like, uh, squirrels, nice juicy rabbit would be delicious.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20060

  29. I have made this spear, with which I will impale my dinner. And it couldn't come a moment too soon because I have been without food for a good three hours or so. I'm startin' to feel it a little bit. Ohh... It's Creed's birthday. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, buddy.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20062

  30. Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I've made myself a nice pants tent shelter. And this little guy may be Dunder Mifflin paper some day.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20074

  31. Under this tree, I think I struck the mother load. Those are nature's best mushrooms. Wild, and I have to say these little buggers are damn tasty as well.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20103

  32. Yeah! Alright, skip around the room. Skip around the room. We want -- OK, alright. Yeah, don't do that. You're gonna break something.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20106

  33. Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20107

  34. Hey, buddy.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20108

  35. What up?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20110

  36. You are relieved.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20112

  37. So what did I miss?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20114

  38. Oh.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20116

  39. Yeah, okay, I did that. Rookie mistake.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20118

  40. Uh huh. Yeah, just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20120

  41. That's what I said. That's what she said.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20122

  42. I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20124

  43. Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20126

  44. Come in!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20127

  45. Pam, are you my friend?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20129

  46. We have been friends forever, right?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20131

  47. Hypothetically... would you go camping with me, if I were to ask you? And bear in mind that I would never actually ask you to go camping. That Jim is also a friend of mine, and I would rather die than make any sort of improper ovation toward you.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20133

  48. Do you understand that Jim is like a brother to me, and I would never do anything inappropriate?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20136

  49. So, as friends, would you go with me on a camping trip?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20138

  50. Thank you for your honesty.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20140

  51. Split the difference. Hey... mint chocolate chip, please? Is Jim out there?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20142

  52. Can you send Dwight in here?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20144

  53. Mmhmm. I had something very personal I would like to discuss. Would you go find Jim, and send him in here, please?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20147

  54. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20155

  55. All right, Dexter, just give me the knife.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20157

  56. No, just get me a case. All right.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20159

  57. MmMmm. All I need...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20161

  58. No, Dwight!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20163

  59. I'm telling you, all I will need are my instincts and my will to survive.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20165

  60. What is this called again?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20167

  61. I'll call back.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20169

  62. Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20172

  63. You can't always work 200 days though.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20174

  64. Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20175

  65. Yep.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20177

  66. Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20179

  67. N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20181

  68. I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20183

  69. Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? Hi buddy.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20185

  70. Yeah, I hate that.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20187

  71. So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20189

  72. Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20191

  73. Well-

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20193

  74. Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20195

  75. Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20197

  76. Million dollars!

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20199

  77. Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20201

  78. Perfect crime.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20203

  79. Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20205

  80. I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20207

  81. Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20209

  82. Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20211

  83. Hey hey.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20213

  84. I would love that.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20216

  85. Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20218

  86. It is.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20220

  87. Hi. No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20245

  88. Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20247

  89. Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20249

  90. Okay. All right.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20252

  91. Yessh.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20254

  92. Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20256

  93. I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20266

  94. Six years and two months.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20268

  95. That's what she said.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20270

  96. That's what she said.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20272

  97. Uh, wh-why would she say that?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20274

  98. Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20278

  99. Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20284

  100. She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20287