Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 61)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 61 of 122

1. No, Baah! But he's married to her!

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20618

2. No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger.

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20620

3. Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator.

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20624

4. No!

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20627

5. God, does anybody read the paper?!

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20629

6. You're welcome.

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20631

7. I don't like that story babe.

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20633

8. Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible.

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20635

9. Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Aaahhh I'm burning, help me!

   Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20637

10. So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand. So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20651

11. Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of 'Serenity by Jan' What do you think about that?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20653

12. I'm sorry. What now?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20656

13. Dwight is my friend.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20664

14. You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20666

15. Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20668

16. When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20670

17. Do you mean it? You want to have a kid?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20672

18. Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20682

19. I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. Hey, looks great babe.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20684

20. You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20688

21. Excuse me for a second.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20690

22. Ok... alright... here we go. There. Oooookay.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20698

23. Everybody enjoying their meal?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20700

24. Yeah?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20702

25. No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20704

26. Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20706

27. BFD. I'm a screenwriter.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20708

28. NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20710

29. MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20712

30. OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20714

31. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20716

32. You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20720

33. Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20724

34. Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20726

35. Would she get into trouble?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20728

36. I will take the fall. I did it.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20730

37. Jim? Pam?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20735

38. No.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20740

39. Nope.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20742

40. My ideals at a party? Easy. Jim. Pam. Ryan. The Mayor. Barack Obama. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. Because at the end of the night, Brad or Angelina would have to come and pick him up and I would get to meet them. Shia La Beef because of Disturbia. Umm, all of the children of the world. Val Kilmer. But he probably wouldn't come, too famous. Obviously George Clooney. Umm... And Jan definitely, if there was room.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20750

41. Yes, I did, for you, princess. Even though I only went number one. I didn't really wash my hands. Ohhh, what have we here? This looks delicious.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20762

42. They need to be presented... royally... anyone?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20764

43. Good stuff. All right. Let's get down to some wine drinking.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20766

44. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20778

45. Little trouble. Yes. Well, Jan fell asleep during her neighborhood watch shift.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20780

46. Yes.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20782

47. So she's passed out, and some kids spray-paint a swear word on the neighbors' dog...

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20784

48. And the neighbors blamed Jan.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20786

49. It's like, you know, the dog shouldn't have been outside in the first place. Anyway, it's a tragedy, really, because the paint is not gonna come off the dog until it sheds...

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20788

50. So...

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20790

51. Well.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20792

52. Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20810

53. Have you ever seen this woman?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20813

54. Hmm...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20815

55. Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She's got - I don't know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20817

56. Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20819

57. I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off one woman. Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20821

58. What is it like being single? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I'm optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20823

59. Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20824

60. I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20829

61. Listen man, I am completely over Jan, so, would you set me up?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20832

62. I thought that you were engaged?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20834

63. Whaaaat? God, that's terrible man. Eghh, she's crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20836

64. Oh...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20838

65. Yeah... ugh. She's... you don't deserve her. Alright.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20840

66. Oh hello Oscar Mayer Weiner lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you'd never touch 'em, because of your condition. Umm...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20841

67. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20843

68. Oh.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20845

69. Hmm, I see, feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20847

70. Oooo. Catcher or in field?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20849

71. Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a row boat? Could, could a row boat support her?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20851

72. I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average size row boat support her without capsizing? It bothers me that you're not answering the question.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20853

73. Damn it, I knew it! I knew it Phyllis! OK!

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20855

74. What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they're just hanging me out to dry.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20856

75. Dating shouldn't be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why? Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this office without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20857

76. Well, now OK, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don't wanna hear 'Ahnnn... I can't help elhh la la.' No. No. I'm a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we're going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are fired.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20859

77. Hmm..

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20862

78. Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so... Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. OK, yes that would be bad.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20865

79. That would be bad.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20868

80. Wish I could, but I can't. Well can, but won't. Should, maybe, but shorn't.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20872

81. What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin? Look I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you guys to do it yourselves.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20874

82. Oh you can't because I don't care. Listen, don't forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20876

83. Ok, Wendy. Hot and juicy red head. Give this a try.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20884

84. Hello Wendy, this is Kevin's friend, Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20886

85. Oh, I'm sorry, could you put her on please?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20888

86. Damn it Kevin. OK, umm, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20890

87. Well, I'll send somebody to come pick it up. Just have it ready.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20892

88. Well put it aside. Umm... yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20894

89. Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm... this one says chair model...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20896

90. That sounds good. Go get her. Wa-Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, go to Wendy's, get my food. Come back and then go.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20898

91. She's dead? She's so young.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20901

92. Oh, God. Oh...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20903

93. Try not to be so hurtful Jim.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20906

94. Please, not at a time like this.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20908

95. Oh really? What's her name? Burger King?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20910

96. I don't, I don't think I'm ready. Is she hot?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20912

97. No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20914

98. No, not the five families.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20916

99. Sorry, I don't have time for this right now. I'm trying to get a date with Pam's hot friend. And she needs to meet me right now.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20919

100. Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So... behold our bachelorette. Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady.

     Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20921