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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 41)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 41 of 122

  1. What does that even mean? That is impossible.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13385

  2. But, there is some good news. Oscar is back. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13387

  3. Hey, what's up.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13395

  4. Yep.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13397

  5. I don't know. Maybe.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13399

  6. Bathroom.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13401

  7. Wow. What is wrong with this thing? It looks terrible.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13415

  8. Yeah. And you know what? Ask them about the toys on my desk too. They always used to arrange them in a very pleasing way. It used to brighten my morning.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13417

  9. Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13419

  10. Yeah, do you?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13421

  11. What did I say?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13423

  12. Huh.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13425

  13. Oh, no.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13427

  14. Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.' I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13429

  15. No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13431

  16. No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13433

  17. Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13435

  18. Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13448

  19. Hey guys. How's the workload on all of Dwight's old accounts? Handling it okay?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13456

  20. Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13458

  21. Really?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13460

  22. Don't - don't do that. That's not nice. What about you, Phyllis? You and Dwight were close.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13462

  23. Nice to have Oscar back.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13484

  24. Why would Dwight do that for you? I think I know why. Because Dwight loves this company.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13501

  25. Do you think that anyone else out there would have driven to corporate for you?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13503

  26. Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13505

  27. Um.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13507

  28. No. I don't want to do any of that.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13509

  29. No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13511

  30. Hey.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13516

  31. What's up?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13518

  32. Um. It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man. Angela from accounting told me what you did.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13520

  33. Yes, she did. And Dwight, if you were willing to do something like that for some random co-worker, then clearly I have misjudged you from the beginning, and I apologize.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13522

  34. How's this place treating you?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13524

  35. Oh, well.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13526

  36. No. I'm sure.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13528

  37. So, maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13530

  38. We can talk about that. All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13532

  39. Ladies and gentlemen! May I present... Mr. Dwight Schrute!

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13538

  40. Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're gonna break it. Not bad, huh?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13542

  41. Guilty.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13544

  42. Pam. I will shake mine and then you will shake yours.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13550

  43. So does this remind you of your childhood right now?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13552

  44. Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's-- thanks so much.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13554

  45. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big finale! Sir, would you do the honor?

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13558

  46. It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Quote 13560

  47. Hello son. If you're watching this, that means I'm already dead. Life is a road---

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13568

  48. How, would you stop interrupting please?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13570

  49. Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13571

  50. Here are some things that I want to teach you that your mother won't be able to.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13572

  51. To jump start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13573

  52. Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13575

  53. We will demonstrate on Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13577

  54. Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13579

  55. You just twist your hand until something breaks.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13580

  56. Well you get the picture. Thanks Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13582

  57. And remember no matter what, I will always love you.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13583

  58. He's not going to be a murderer.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13585

  59. You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this, or no?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13587

  60. Okay. From the top. Ready? Three-

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13589

  61. Hello everyone! As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. So get your suits to the dry cleaner and get your hair did. And Karen, um, you might want to invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind if you don't already have one. This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. It is my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting prima nocta.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13591

  62. I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13593

  63. I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis' wedding because I want her to get people excited about my wedding when the time comes. Which won't be hard, because it's going to be awesome. A lot better than hers, that's for sure. It'll probably be on a boat.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13594

  64. What's up spinsters?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13595

  65. No problem. The guys are having a little shindig of their own in the warehouse. From 2:30 to 3:15. It is the only time that Bob was available. Sort of a guy's night out. A G-N-O if you will. A Gah-No. Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay. Not- not- it's uh, not gay, it's just a, it's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13597

  66. Yes. Yes! Oh! There-oh!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13608

  67. Oh God-

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13610

  68. No, no, no!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13612

  69. I can't believe you're not going to be there. It's going to be good, it's going to be a great bachelor party man.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13613

  70. You should get out of them.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13615

  71. It's the only time he can do it. 2:30 to 3:15. It's going to be great. We're going to be doing some darts, we're going to be grilling up some steaks, got some pie. Going to be very delicious.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13617

  72. I did not order a stripper.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13619

  73. Um, not personally, no.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13621

  74. I can't get a stripper here. Sexual Harassment.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13623

  75. So that's what that means.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13625

  76. Okay everybody, slight change of plans, we are still going to be having two parties but each is going to get a little extra dose of naught-ay. Uh!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13626

  77. Gay.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13628

  78. Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13630

  79. Okay. We are off. Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies and I need you to handle hiring the strippers.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13650

  80. Well get on it. And make it happen.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13653

  81. [Giggles.]

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13663

  82. Gotcha, oh! Yes?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13665

  83. I'm in the, I'm in the sex shop.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13667

  84. Squarepants?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13669

  85. And you think that'd be sexy?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13671

  86. Oh.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13674

  87. Oh. Hello!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13676

  88. You wearing a thong?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13678

  89. Hello ladies. Who here is a history buff? Who's a fan of buff naked? Without further ado, the one, the only, the sexy Mr. Benjamin Franklin.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13683

  90. Half pants, right Mr. Franklin?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13685

  91. He's in his knickers. Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13687

  92. Yes, but, Ben Franklin was.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13689

  93. And when they came over on the Mayflower. Bow chicka bow.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13691

  94. Yeah, alright, so I want you to give him your undivided attention and Mr. Franklin, if any of these ladies misbehave I give you permission to spank them. Especially that one.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13693

  95. Look at that. Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13712

  96. No. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13714

  97. But I got all the foot off of it.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13716

  98. Guys, beef! It's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13722

  99. Well then my man meat, he shall have. There you go. Deliciousity.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13725

  100. I call shuffle. Here we go.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Quote 13744