Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 38)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 38 of 122

1. Who?

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12120

2. Oh. Please. Colin Powell.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12122

3. Yup.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12124

4. Apollo Creed.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12126

5. Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12127

6. No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12129

7. That is awesome.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12131

8. Well, we are running a business, so.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12139

9. Ah. Well. That's not true.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12147

10. No you would not.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12150

11. This place is not prison. It's... way better than prison.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12151

12. Okay! Listen up everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison. We are going to start with an hour of outdoor time. So let's go!

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12159

13. Why don't we... pump some iron? Anyone wanna... pump up?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12162

14. It's uh... two and a half. I'm not going for bulk, I'm going for tone.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12164

15. Yeah, it's... freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you've got about... twenty-seven minutes of rec time.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12166

16. Oh heyyy. Martiiin. You have TV in the joint?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12167

17. Ah. A ten inch black and white?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12169

18. These people don't realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12171

19. All right everybody, there has been a lot of name calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better... than... here. And none of can say 'Boo' because none of us have ever been to prison. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. Somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like. I'm prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?!

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12189

20. Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody's bitch. Oh, and you. You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12191

21. Internet.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12194

22. And prison. Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12196

23. I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12198

24. And I nevah got caught, neither.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12200

25. Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12203

26. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. Tanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12205

27. The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They... were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12208

28. No, not Harry Potter. ... There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody's bitch. I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life. So. What do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12210

29. Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? All right. Well, here you go.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12213

30. No! If you think is prison is so wonderful, then, enjoy prison! They are such babies. I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom. And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12215

31. They were very disrespectful to me, and to the office. And Martin has had a bad influence, to think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12220

32. Okay. You know what Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12222

33. Okay nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don't you guys head home. Early. Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms!

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12224

34. Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford... to a convict, to... my friend. Back to a convict. Then to... a kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to... a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12225

35. Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. 'Tis the ... ack. Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12261

36. I'm looking for the toy drive box.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12263

37. OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12265

38. Umm... I don't know? Average kind?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12267

39. Well, that is probably from the test drive.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12269

40. No.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12271

41. Oh, thanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12273

42. Yes? Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12275

43. OK. Did everybody get one of these?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12277

44. Terrific. Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12279

45. This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12280

46. There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12285

47. Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12287

48. Turn around, turn around. Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12289

49. No, you get outta here.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12291

50. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12293

51. Thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12296

52. Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. Berp.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12298

53. That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12300

54. I know.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12302

55. Right.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12304

56. Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12306

57. And next to your kids. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12308

58. I don't understand?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12310

59. OK

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12313

60. No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in Jamaica's largest fresh water pool.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12315

61. I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow.. You better find the skimpiest bikini there is.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12317

62. And it's all inclusive.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12319

63. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12321

64. No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12323

65. I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12339

66. Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12341

67. Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12343

68. Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12345

69. Fine! Have your party. Just no guests.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12349

70. Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12351

71. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12352

72. It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12354

73. Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12356

74. Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12358

75. And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12360

76. Take it from Toby.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12363

77. Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12365

78. It's all... OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12367

79. What are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12383

80. Carol?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12386

81. I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12389

82. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12391

83. This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12392

84. All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12444

85. Hooters?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12446

86. Ah, I need my entourage Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12448

87. Why not?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12450

88. Ok, feel better.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12452

89. C'mon Jim, let's go.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12454

90. Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12457

91. Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12460

92. Carol used to drink lattes.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12464

93. She would get this little foam mustache...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12466

94. And I used to say 'Hey, got latte?' And she'd say, that's not funny.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12468

95. She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy ---

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12470

96. I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12473

97. I'm just gonna call her.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12476

98. Nothing he's doing is cheering me up.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12506

99. Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12509

100. You're right. That's good.

     Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12511