Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 44)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 44 of 122

1. Oh yeah, they don't allow kids at Sandals. They are persona non gratis... there. But it's fun. It's an awesome place. You would not believe how low this girl can limbo.

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2. Crazy.

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3. Ok. Excuse me. What's going on? What is it?

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4. What are you doing?

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5. Yes, but you could tell me. What... What is that? Why are you? Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy.

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6. What has gotten into you?

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7. No, no, no.

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8. Come on, let's go back to the party.

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9. Don't take that dress. Stop it, Jan.

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10. No, no, no, means please don't. Please.

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11. I'm not going to slam you up against the wall.

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12. You're acting inappropriate. Jan.

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13. Rachel thinks that I brought homemade potato salad and I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny. I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There is something wrong with Jan.

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14. Our first fight. If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle...

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15. You didn't have any of the potato salad did you?

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16. Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly.

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17. I'm not going to cry. I feel like it but I am not going to. Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million little pieces.

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18. I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling.

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19. Whatever.

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20. That's all, you didn't mean it?

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21. I love you, Jan.

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22. What a weird day. I don't understand it, but you don't get to understand everyday of your life. Maybe five, ten days a year, I'll get home and I will have no idea what the hell just happened. Guess everybody has days like that. Sometimes they're the nicest ones. Still, I think there might be something wrong with Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14599

23. No need for consternation, everything is under control.

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24. It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

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25. No...

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26. No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage.

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27. Yeppers.

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28. I don't... remember.

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29. Yeesh...

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30. Ok I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise, because I want to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you.

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31. Wikipedia.

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32. Wikipedia... is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.

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33. Ok, Darryl, ask me for a raise.

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34. Hmm, well that's interesting Darryl. I think... that maybe you should...

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35. What I'm saying is that,

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36. Ok, see what I did?

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37. By leaning back, and by whispering, I established a dominant physical position.

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38. Ok, let's try another one. Um...

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39. Walking out of the room unexpectedly.

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40. It's a surprise.

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41. Go ahead, ask me for a raise.

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42. [gets up and begins to walk out of the room]

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43. What?

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44. No, what did you say?

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45. Oh it... sounded interesting... what you were gonna...

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46. Yeah.

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47. Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14711

48. You know what? Actually, let's go into the conference room.

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49. No, you know what? Let's stay here. No let's go... Yeah let's go to the conference room.

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50. Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws 'em off.

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51. Number 14, declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control.

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52. I am declining to speak first.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14718

53. Hmm. Ohh, Darryl. You are a good worker, and a good man. I just, you know, times are tight. And I just don't think corporate is going to go for this right now.

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54. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14722

55. No, this is a power suit.

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56. I do not buy woman's clothes. I would not make that mistake again.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14726

57. Ohh... kay.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14728

58. All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14730

59. Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14732

60. No, I do, I, I wear men's suits, OK? I got this out of a bin.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14735

61. There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit! So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14736

62. Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14738

63. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14740

64. Would you stop it, please?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14742

65. It's European, OK? It's a European cut.

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66. No, they don't. See?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14746

67. Italians don't wear pockets.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14748

68. No, I don't want to do that because I'm twice your size anyway.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14751

69. Um, let's just do this in 15 minutes.

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70. Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver's seat. And make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes.

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71. Let's get down to business. Why don't you tell me why you think you deserve a raise.

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72. [mumbles jibberish]

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73. That was a very good point.

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74. You make a very compelling argument.

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75. I am going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me.

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76. Because, that is the way these things are done. In... films. No, slide--- slide it, yes.

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77. Oh. Come on. Be serious.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14785

78. I... I can't give you that, I--- I don't make this much.

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79. I don't. Want me to prove it to you? There is... a pay stub.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14789

80. Plus perks, yes.

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81. Fourteen years.

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82. No, please, please...

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14795

83. Ok, let's take 15, again.

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84. A boss's salary isn't just about money, it is about perks. It... for example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that.

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85. Oh, thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14808

86. I didn't give you $40.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14811

87. Okay. Okay, here's the straight... dope. No tricks. No Wikipedia.

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88. I talked to corporate, and they told me that I can only give you a 5% raise.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14817

89. Well what am I supposed to do?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14819

90. I'm not gonna go out and ask for a raise right now. That is ridiculous.

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91. That's true.

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92. You know what? I should.

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93. I have been a loyal employee for a long time.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14827

94. You know what? I deserve a bump.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14829

95. I am makin' it happen, sergeant.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14831

96. No, Jan. I've never asked for a raise in 14 years. This is long overdue. I wanna do it today.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14835

97. Yshhyah. Um, yeah. I'll leave right away.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14837

98. Yes, I'm bringing Darryl.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14839

99. Mm-hm.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14841

100. Hey, I'd rather kill myself.

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