Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 42)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 42 of 122

1. Ah, gentlemen, the entertainment is here. Everybody I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth.

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2. Nice outfit.

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3. He's right there. There he is.

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4. Okay. Alright, I'll do it. Yeah. Lets do it. Lets do this thing. Yeah. What do I?

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5. Alright.

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6. Okay.

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7. Here we go. Alright!

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8. Not bad! Not bad! You smell nice. Like Tide.

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9. You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? Ha ha ha! I have a girlfriend so...

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10. Yeah she probably, yeah she would be. You know what, okay, excuse me. Please stop it, stop it. Turn off the music. This is wrong, this is wrong! This is wrong! I have a girlfriend. And you are engaged and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something so lets just clear out okay. Shame on you. Go back to work!

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11. On one hand I want to be honest with Jan and tell her the truth but on the other hand I'm afraid she's going to dump me.

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12. Really.

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13. Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag.

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14. Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?

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15. Wow. Thank you.

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16. Not really, look I don't know how to say this so I just will.

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17. I went to a bachelor party and things got a little out of hand.

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18. No, today at work.

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19. Yes. I kind of arranged it.

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20. So you don't want to end our relationship?

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21. That is so sweet. You are the best GD girlfriend in the world. Do you know that?

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22. You are. You are.

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23. So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? Ben Franklin. And Elizabeth the stripper gave me great advice. Which rhymed. Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't.

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24. Always the bridesmaids, right ladies?

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25. Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride.

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26. There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.

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27. How you doin'? You excited.

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28. Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight?

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29. You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous...

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30. Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle?

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31. Here, let me...

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32. Just cover up that bald patch.

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33. Okay.

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34. You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.

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35. I hate you!

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36. Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'.

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37. This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it.

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38. That's ok.

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39. This is bull****!

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40. Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight.

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41. I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over.

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42. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!

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43. Oh, shiii...

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44. Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!

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45. Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.

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46. Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too.

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47. Phyllis! Are you happy with everything? What can I do to make it more perfecter?

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48. I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back.

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49. I will take care of that.

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50. I do. I know a fair amount about fine food... and drink. This is a white.

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51. Thank you, Randy. That was great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm Michael Scott and for the next forty minutes, I'm going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride 'Mawige...

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52. The most important part of a speech is the opening line. When time is not a factor, I like to try out three or four different ones.

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53. Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob. You look at her... and she's kind of matronly today, but back in High School, I swear, her nickname was 'Easy Rider'. Now as for Bob... Bob Vance...

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54. is a guy that...

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55. he works... Okay hold, hold on, hold on. Look. Look. I didn't say anything when Phyllis' dad upstaged me at the ceremony. And I think you owe me this. Kay.

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56. No. I'm not going to...

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57. Ok. All right.

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58. Oh. Yeah. You're out of here! You're... Yeah. I hate you!

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59. Come... Come on!

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60. Dwight, just...

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61. Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit and have a piece of cake. I'm not even going to dance one song.

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62. OK.

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63. ee... I was meant for you... buppity du bom bu.

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64. I just want Phyllis to have a great day.

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65. We are great together. We are a great team.

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66. Yes. Yes. They were. Robert Parrish! I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon.

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67. Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head.

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68. Phyllis. Phyllis! Wait! Please. I'm sorry. I just... I just wanted to make this a day to remember.

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69. Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a weirdo.

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70. You're... You're welcome.

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71. They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that your lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

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72. Be careful. Oh no!! Oh wow! Phyllis! Phyllis! You look like a clown! Here. Get me! Get me!

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73. Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you?

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74. Huh?

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75. Pop quiz.

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76. Why is today a special day?

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77. Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you...

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78. In business school, Kevin. Business school.

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79. A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us.

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80. Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you?

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81. Will they throw their hats, you think?

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82. A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air.

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83. Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: 'May your hats fly as high as your dreams.' ... That was a pretty good line.

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84. I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! Whoa, hey!

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85. We have fun.

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86. Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? Whoo!

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87. Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now.

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88. I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it.

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89. Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel.

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90. So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... a Whatchamacallit. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand. Satisfied?

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91. Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies.

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92. ...And products!

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93. Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up.

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94. We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down.

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95. ...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back.

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96. ...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid.

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97. Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index?

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98. Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here?

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99. ...Wait, Ryan said that?

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100. Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay.

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