Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 40)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 40 of 122

1. Hello. Hi. Attention everyone. Um, apparently, there is an email circulating around that contains a very PG-13 rating picture of me and a woman---

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2. No, Kevin. A woman. Maybe Jan, maybe...

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3. My point is that, if you get it, I would ask that you just delete it. Sight unseen. Let's be professional, all right?

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4. Feelin'... feelin' hot, hot, hot!

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5. Hey.

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6. Island living. You know?

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7. Did she say what it's about?

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8. There are copies in the bathroom?

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9. All right.

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10. Guh.

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11. OK, yup.

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12. I...

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13. I... I... Yes.

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14. OK, yeah.

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15. Who is Dr. Perry? I...

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16. And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well.

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17. So, umm... thanks for coming by. So, I, uh...

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18. Well thanks for coming over, I appreciate -

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19. Jan, you... complete... me.

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20. I just had the best, most romantic week of my life in Sandals, Jamaica. Went with a lady, and we laid on the beach and drank fruity drinks for free, because it was all-inclusive. And then I flew back to Scranton, and then they lost one of my bags.

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21. Hey, Mister tally man, tally me banana, six hand, seven hand, eight hand, BRUNCH! So delicious. Dinner, too. And every morning I would watch the sunrise and I would eat a mango. That is how I want to feel all the time. It's called island living. You know, how they say take a chill pill? In Jamaica, I took one. Guy on the beach sold it to me for $40. And after I finished vomiting, I was more relaxed than I ever have been. Lost six pounds, too. That's how I want every day to be.

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22. Yeah, mon. Me just got back to the office.

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23. Me had an i-rey time.

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24. Dwight, please, please.

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25. I just got back from vacation, mon, all right? So chill. Let's don't... Don't harsh my mellow, mon.

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26. Presents. I got presents for everybody. Dwight, a genuine Rastafarian wig.

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27. Andy, I got you a genuine Jamaican T-shirt. They love Milli Vanilli down there.

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28. You are so welcome, mon. Angela, you just got leied.

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29. Yes, you did. Okay. Oh, Pam, I forgot to get you something.

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30. I'm just kidding. Coconuts for your coconuts!

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31. Try it on.

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32. Go ahead. Let me know if I miscalculated the size. I don't think I did.

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33. Stanley, I got you some ganja. I'm just kidding. It's coffee. I bet you wish it was ganja.

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34. I just got back from vacay. Come on. Give me a break, man. Waves over Jamaica, $6.99.

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35. Okay, let me tell you a little story. When I was on vacation, I met a man named Bavon. And Bavon takes people parasailing. And you know what he said to me? He said that he loves going to work every day. How many of you can say that you love going to work every day like Bavon? No one.

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36. His name is Bavon. And you know what? I'm sure Bavon gets sick of his job, too. I'm sure he would like to take a day off. I'm sure he would like to spend a vacation selling paper, but he has the right attitude. And that is something that you learn when you go to Jamaica, and you really apply yourself.

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37. I would love to take them all to Jamaica, but is that good management? Yes. But is it the best management? Well, I can't afford it, and corporate won't pay for it. So who's the real criminal?

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38. How many of you know the meaning of the Jamaican term, Hakuna Matata?

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39. I...

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40. Oh, that's red eye.

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41. Well...

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42. Hey, can we just focus?

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43. Okay. Well, Jan's email password is not Dunder Mifflin, Sandals, Jamaica, Michael, Michael Scott, Jan Scott, or Mrs. Jan Scott.

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44. Her passwords aren't going to be Dwight, Dwight. That's stupid. Okay.

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45. Don't you have some sort of chaser or gobbler thing that you can send out that's able to eat up that other emails? I read about something like that. Well, I am in America and I am online, so I do think it involves you. Uh-huh. And if I were a subscriber, would then you be able to send out the gobbler? I'd... Yes, I will hold.

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46. Hey! Hey! Stop your mouth, please.

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47. Hey, Stanley, in case I don't see you again after tonight, here is your bonus, $1,000 cash. Keep the change.

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48. It is Jamaican. The exchange rate is 65-to-1. I don't remember in which direction.

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49. Yes, good luck with that.

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50. Jim, could you come in here please?

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51. Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.

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52. You know what? Get Pam.

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53. Pam.

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54. Oh, that is gross.

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55. Damn it.

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56. Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.

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57. Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.

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58. Oh.

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59. Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.

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60. Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.

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61. Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.

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62. You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody.

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63. So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.

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64. Dwight?

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65. Here ya go.

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66. Please.

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67. Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the 'Amazing Race.' And you guys are the retired marines. And you guys are the mother and daughter. And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go?

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68. No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back.

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69. Just bragging rights.

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70. It's just... brrrrrr... It's 'Amazing Race,' Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it.

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71. Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos!

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72. Here we go.

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73. Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.

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74. Hawkman.

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75. Let's go. The men's room was disgusting.

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76. Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack?

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77. You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big.

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78. You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency.

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79. I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company.

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80. No.

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81. Stop it. Stop it.

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82. Yes.

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83. Ah, no. Don't worry about it.

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84. What?

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85. I don't know. Who knows how words are formed.

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86. Yes, Andy.

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87. He didn't say.

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88. No, you are remembering it wrong.

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89. Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.

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90. I knew it.

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91. Where were you this morning?

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92. Why do you lie, liar?

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93. You are lying right now.

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94. I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing.

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95. Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.

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96. Don't. Don't you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day.

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97. Good luck.

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98. Yes, Dwight Schrute has left this company. More personnel turnover.

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99. Yes, well. It is a big loss. Dwight was the top salesman...

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100. I said 'was'.

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