Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 37)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 37 of 122

1. Oh! Oh! Oh!

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2. Scuse me! Scuse me!

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3. You me? You me? Me you? You! You! You me! Bow Bow Bow!

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4. You me? You me? Me you me! You! You! You me you! You! Oh my nose is so itchy, why's my nose so itchy!

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5. Okay, I told you these guys had a sense of humor.

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6. Okay! Okay!

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7. All right, all right, I'm on a roll.

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8. Why are the new people on the table? To show them that we are not above them.

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9. Not today. No. Tony! Please join your cohorts on the table if you would.

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10. I understand. We're all friends.

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11. Oh, well. Just use the momentum of your lower half to hoist yourself up.

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12. You know what? I'll help. I will...

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13. Don't be shy! Dwight! Let's do this!

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14. Come on. We're doing this thing! Let's get up.

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15. Bend at the knees. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. I don't know what I'm grabbing here.

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16. We've almost got it. Push it! Push it!

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17. I'm right in your crack!

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18. Up and over.

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19. Up and over.

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20. You've got it.

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21. You've got it, you've got it.

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22. Whoa Whoa Whoa! Okay.

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23. Easy.

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24. Don't...

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25. What...

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26. I don't understand.

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27. Well, we'll squeeze you in.

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28. You can't quit! On the first day. That's heresy, my friend! Okay, let's talk about this. What happened? I mean, what... Was it Toby? Did he say something? Cause he's... what?

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29. My management style? So... didn't you think 'Lazy Scranton' was funny?

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30. Okay. Well, don't bother quitting because you're fired.

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31. You are fired! I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team! Just clean out your desk!

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32. Don't try to apologize to me, man! It's too late. Just get out! Take your bad vibes with you.

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33. Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight.

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34. Whoa, Angela! Hold on. Hooters is a restaurant. With over 400 locations worldwide.

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35. No. We do have to get along. Can't we all just get along? Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King.

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36. The word merger comes from the word marriage. And that was what today was supposed to be. The loving union between people. Instead, it has become like when my Mom moved in with Jeff. And once again, it becomes my job to fix it.

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37. Hey! Hey, everybody! Something happened! Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, they let the air out of our tires.

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38. Yeah! They punk'd us! They punk'd us good! Come on. Come on!

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39. Man, they got us so bad. We cannot let them get away with this. We have got to pull together as one and steal their refrigerators.

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40. Yeah.

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41. Go home, Toby. Just...

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42. Why? I will tell you why. Because they saved the worst for me. They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out. It's so hateful. 'You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!'

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43. No. No, no, no. No. You are falling for it. You're playing right into their hands. This is just what they want you to do. Don't, oh...

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44. THIS IS EGREGIOUS! This is egregious!

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45. See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. Jell-o!

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46. Hi, Jan!

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47. I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted.

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48. Yes.

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49. But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two.

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50. What?

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51. Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos.

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52. So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two.

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53. Uh... that I have not decided yet.

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54. Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks.

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55. Shut it...

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56. Shut it! That's... suck up!

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57. And this is, don't tell me, Martin... Ne... Ne...Nack.

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58. Martin Nash. Okay.

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59. Good.

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60. What are you talking about?

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61. All right, just...

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62. Smiles.

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63. Good, what's funny?

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64. Oh, nicknames, yay! Penguin power.

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65. Good.

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66. Hey, girls. What's happening? Startinng to blend? Well, before long, you guys keep hanging out, you guys you are gonna share the same menstrual cycle.

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67. Can't we all get along? No, we can't. But here's the thing: yes, we can. Well, why not? Because of differeneces. Well, can we overcome these differences? No. Can we find each other and connect with each other in spite of these differences? No, we can't. But, we have to try and that is why I created the Integration Celebration.

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68. I need somebody to pick a card. One of the new people, please? Tony?

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69. All right. Good. Thank you. Do not look at your card. Now, I've always said that to be a great salesman is to have the ability to connect with people right here. So to be a great salesman is to be a king of hearts. Turn over your card.

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70. So I think in order for us all to work together well we must come together as a family and then we can all be a king of hearts.

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71. Dwight, don't, don't be a suck up.

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72. What I want all of you to do is approach one of the new people and tell them the one thing that you like most about them. Who wants to start? Who wants to give it a shot?

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73. Okay Meredith, let's give it a shot.

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74. Beautiful. Very good, nice.

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75. Okay.

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76. We heard it.

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77. We heard what you said. You didn't cover it at all.

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78. They're gonna have... You can't say that, all right?

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79. Idiot. Dwight's an idiot! Did you catch that or did... did the cough cover it?

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80. You're a jerk. Dwight's a jerk!

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81. Ohhh, wow. Look at that. How cute.

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82. Ohh. May I?

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83. Hey, look at me, I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from 'Look Who's Talking.' What am I thinking? Look at all those staplers! What's a stapler!? I don't even know, I'm a baby! Hey, Mom, I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.

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84. Yeah, Jan, it um... looks like a check, piece of paper of some sort. Receipt. I don't know.

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85. I didn't hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist. ... I'm just kidding.

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86. Hey Jan, speaking of Stamford, Hannah brought in her baby.

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87. Hannah?

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88. Kuhhhh... you are such a racist.

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89. Because you think he's black.

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90. Stop it. Stop it right-stop it right now.

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91. Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy... who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake.

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92. In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and... saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened.

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93. Sssssso, what we need to do... is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin and or black people.

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94. Good. All right.

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95. Just... try to be cool.

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96. Okay, are you cool, really?

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97. Um... Martin, from Stamford, was, at one time, in prison. No. Dwight! Be cool! Be cool!

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98. Hey Martin, how's it going?

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99. Ah. Good good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I... trust... him, completely, and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb... person. Okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam. Tell me a white person you trust.

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100. ...Danny Glover. Yeah.

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