Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 35)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 35 of 122

1. And another thing about the Indian people... they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10972

2. Thank you, Kevin.

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10976

3. Well, I find it beautiful.

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10978

4. No...

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10980

5. No, You're not going to collect them.

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10982

6. No. This is delightful, charming culture.

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10984

7. My Indian Culture Seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex. People... everybody does it. I'm doing it... with Carol! Probably tonight.

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10985

8. What does that look like to you?

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10998

9. No one's even going to notice.

   Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11000

10. Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. Why don't you just cool it, okay? Carol? Carol.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11002

11. I'll have one of those as well. Thank you very much. Now these are limes, lemons, onions...

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11003

12. Oh, yuck.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11007

13. No. These s'mores are disgusting.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11009

14. Do you think they have any s'mores?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11011

15. All they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11012

16. Wow, thirty years? And you two only met once before the wedding night?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11035

17. Wow.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11037

18. Oh! She's not a cheerleader. She thought this was a costume party! Um... no, we're not married... yet!

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11039

19. She is. Very fair and very kind. So... um... tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die she has to throw herself on a fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool. Ok. Thanks!

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11041

20. I'm going to be. Hi, I'm just going to get this for a sec... just a sec. Um... everyone? I'm sorry, could I have your attention, please. Thank you. Ah-hah... Hi. Sorry. I just have an announcement to make. Um... okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know you're all thinking 'who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?' Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. So without further ado, Carol? Carol Stills. I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11045

21. What do you say?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11048

22. I didn't hear you.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11050

23. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11052

24. No. I get it. I get it. You're not ready. We'll wait. This is a classic...

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11053

25. Yeah, well, but I ... I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. Maybe I'm Hindu after all. Okay, I'm not Hindu, but... Carol. Carol, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11055

26. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11057

27. Ok. Okay. Good night. Hey, you know what? Why don't I come with you. Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11059

28. All right. Good night.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11061

29. Oh, God! Oh. Wow.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11087

30. That's so spicy.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11089

31. Oh. You waiting for a call?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11091

32. Wow. Pam. When Carol said 'No.' tonight, I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. We are both the victims of broken engagements.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11093

33. I was in that marriage arena, though.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11095

34. Yeah. Uuuuh... well.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11097

35. We're so alike. So alike.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11099

36. What are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11101

37. I'm... what? I didn't

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11103

38. Can I have a ride home?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11105

39. These are not my shoes. This is just like that show 'Taxi Cab Confessions'.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11121

40. Sorry.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11123

41. This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's a tribute to one of the greats... Mr. Adam Sandler. Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali!

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11124

42. How do I explain this to Jan?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11126

43. Oh, please, stop talking. Three words or less.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11128

44. An Indian Halloween. Okay, great. Pam, could you put Jan on, please?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11130

45. Hello, Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11132

46. Well, I was letting everybody go to the big Diwali party.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11134

47. What is Diwali?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11136

48. You don't know what Diwali is? Wow, Jan. I'm surprised. It's the Hindu festival of lights. I just assumed you'd be familiar with it. It's the most sacred and honored Hindu holiday in the world. It's like Christmas, Easter, and Halloween---

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11138

49. ---rolled into one.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11140

50. I bet you're not even aware that our own Kelly Kapoor, who works in...

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11142

51. ... customer service is a Hindu person.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11144

52. And.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11146

53. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11148

54. You do?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11152

55. Oh, I dunno about that.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11154

56. For Kelly, that seems a bit much.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11156

57. [hangs up]

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11158

58. Yeah, you should see her naked.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11160

59. I had promised Carol a romantic evening on the town. Um, I wanted to take her on this spooky hay ride thing, but it was like seventy dollars a person, and she's allergic to hay. So I said, 'Pop a Claritin, and I will spot you the seventy bucks,' and she's like 'I don't like to borrow money or take unnecessary medication.' And I'm like, 'Well you're really not gonna like what I slipped in your drink last night.' And she's like, 'What the hell are you talking about?' And I'm like, 'I'm kidding. I didn't put a roof...' ... We laughed so hard... It was hilarious... oh... So yes, I'm very excited about the Diwali party.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11161

60. And perhaps the most important person to Indian culture, Sir Ben Kingsley. Because of him, the British left India, and then he became an actor like Ronald Reagan.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11187

61. Yeah?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11189

62. So, any questions?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11191

63. There she is - Jan Levinson. First...

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11198

64. ...thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11200

65. Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11202

66. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11204

67. I don't understand.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11206

68. On whom's authority?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11208

69. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11210

70. You're welcome.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11212

71. Am I a small number person or a severance package person?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11214

72. Oh... Oh, my god. Oh, my god! I don't really get it 'cause we're not doing that bad and our numbers are gonna come up.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11216

73. Well...

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11218

74. Oh, you gotta be... Josh?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11220

75. Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11222

76. It is an outrage, that's all. It's... hey're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11223

77. Pictures. Memories. Look at that. They grow up so fast.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11224

78. Don't say that. That just sounds weird. Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11226

79. Well... we have nothin to talk about, Dwight. Just do your work ... while you still can.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11228

80. Yeah, great! Amazing. Best physical condition of my life.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11236

81. Nothing. Just checking in. I can't tell you, so...

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11238

82. Nothing, Pam.What difference does it make? We'll be gone in a couple of weeks anyway.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11240

83. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11242

84. Do I have any messages?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11244

85. Ok, ok...

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11246

86. Listen up, everybody... I have some news. We are screwed. Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton is being shut down.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11247

87. You knew about this all along, didn't you?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11249

88. Traitor. You are a traitor.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11251

89. I don't know. Probably not. This is the worst.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11253

90. Darryl. Noble Darryl.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11265

91. I know, I know. Well, I'll land on my feet. Don't worry about me.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11267

92. So, you'll be okay too. You're a warrior. You're smart, capable. You'll find something else and...

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11269

93. Awesome.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11271

94. This is my house. The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11272

95. All right, listen up. Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing. But, I am not going to take this lying down. I have a plan and I am going to save our jobs. So just hang in there. Let's go.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11273

96. Yes. This might get ugly. I need backup.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11276

97. Go to New York, confront the CFO, show him he's making a mistake... save the branch.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11278

98. No... way.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11280

99. No. There's no one else.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11282

100. Okay, okay. Um...

     Season 3 · Episode 7 · Quote 11285