Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 36

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11287

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11289

Okay, this is it. This is exactly what Michael Moore does, famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera and he's like 'Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad. You're a bad person.' It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of 'Bowling for Columbine', because I thought it was going to be a bowling movie, like 'Kingpin'. And it wasn't. It was something else.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11303

I will improvise. I will speak from the heart.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11319

All right.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11321

Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? David Wallace?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11323

Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11325

Yes, but these are employees, Sir. These are human beings.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11327

Stop... stop it! Just, okay. He's not going to say any of that.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11329

Because he'd be intimidated and I, just... let's start again. Just be more scared of me, okay?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11331

Don't touch me this time.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11333

Excuse me, Mr. Wallace?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11335

[takes bottle and cleans off cap with his tie]

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11360

The office.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11376

No, not until I have some good news for them. Not until I have some good news.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11378

Anything?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11397

What if this doesn't work? What is the office actually goes under?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11399

All right, favorite moments in Dunder-Mifflin history. Go.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11401

That was hilarious. The foam ...

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11403

Oh, right. Okay, that's enough. That's good.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11405

Oh, hmm, all of them. I loved them all. Every single one.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11407

God, Dwight!

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11409

What are we still doing here? It's over. Let's go home. Get the car.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11433

Oh, this was such a stupid idea! This was so stupid. I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11435

What?!

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11437

We did it? We did it.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11439

Right here! Right here!

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11442

Yeah, baby!

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11444

We did it!

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11446

How did we do it?

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11448

I don't understand.

Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11450

Here... Who's here?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11491

Yes, please.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11493

Karen Filip... Ka-ren Fili-pell-li.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11495

Okay.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11497

My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. That's all I'm going to say about it because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me. And I have to get into my head and focus.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11498

Who's next?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11499

Andy Bernard.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11501

Saint Bernard.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11503

What?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11505

I'm not...

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11507

I'm not firing somebody on the first day.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11509

Got the food? Good! Looky-looky-looky. What I want you to do... set it up in the conference room, please. Make it look nice. As if you are trying to impress a much older man who's way out of your league.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11513

Ah! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Our first arrival. Welcome to Scranton. This is Hannah Smoterich-Barr.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11517

Welcome to our humble abode. Follow me to your desk. Your ball and chain is right over here.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11519

You know for a lot of these people this is the only family they have. So... As far as I'm concerned, this says 'World's Best Dad'.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11520

Ah! There he is Tony... what's your last name?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11521

Gardner! I knew that. There you go. Gift bag... for you. Okay.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11523

Well, they're just for guests. If there are any left over, you can buy one later.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11526

Wh..and coupons... to various hot spots around Scranton. All right! Let me show you to your area, sir. Come on, big guy.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11528

Welcome.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11537

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11539

Mmm... dah. I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I. or uh?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11541

Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome!

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11544

A-ha-ha-ho. Very good! Welcome to our little kingdom. Ah, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11546

Oh.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11548

They are nifty! They're nifty gifties.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11550

You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likable way about him.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11551

No way. Get him out of here. We don't want any of this kind in here. Good to see you, man.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11554

How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? This is a little gift bag for you.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11556

Free of charge. Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. Not... so, your desk is...

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11558

Right.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11598

I present the orientation video.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11628

Not now.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11630

I told you the titles are irrelevant. They just relate to pay scale.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11632

It is not a matter of more or less. Your pay is just different. Okay? All right! Show time, part one.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11634

I don't care! Dwight! You all report to me! That's all that matters! The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, ok?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11636

Work it out amongst your selves!

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11638

Please! I have a company to run. Well, you let me run the company?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11640

Will you?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11642

Please?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11644

Okay. Everybody settled in? Good. Why don't we all proceed in to the conference room? Or, should I say, the banquet hall. For... drum roll, please, the official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. Come on in!

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11652

Yoko shack.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11653

Nope, no. Guests only.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11656

Nope. Um... for the guests it is. For you, consider it cow-meat. Strictly taboo.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11658

Well, then... consider it poisoned beef. No touchy.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11660

No, it's not beef... just... sit down, please. Welcome. Help yourself.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11662

Wrong. Toby, this is an orientation not a borientation.Okay. Do not worry. All of your questions are about to be answered. Cell phones and pagers off, please.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11664

Let's face it. Moving to a new job can be very stressful. So I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers. But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen. It's funny. It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder Mifflin. And what we're all about here in Scranton. So let's just all laugh together and watch 'Lazy Scranton'.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11667

Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin'.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11669

So check out how we live

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11671

They call it Scranton.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11673

The Electric City. Scranton.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11675

The Electric City. Call poison control if you're bit by a spider.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11677

I am so scared... when people don't label their personal food.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11680

You like coal mines and you wanna see 'em, Well, check it out, yo, the Anthracite Museum! Plenty of space in the parking lot,

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11682

Spot. Scranton. What? The Electric City. Scranton.What? The Electric City. Scranton. What?

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11685

Well, so far, I think it is killin'. I thought it would either be an 'A' or an 'A+' but I completely forgot that there's an 'A++'.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11686

Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I...

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11717

All right.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11719

Okay.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11721

What is that? A squid's eye or...

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11730

How did you...

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11732

People hate people that are different from them. That's natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the 'Integration Celebration'. This is the moment when Scranton and Stamford come together as one. United in applause.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11747

I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 'Wow! What a day! Feels more like a night at a party than a day at work.' Well, in my opinion, business should feel like a night out. A night... at... the Roxbury. Okay. There's supposed to be music and it's... I got it, I got it! I got it. Dwight! Just.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11748

Ssshh stupid! Um...

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11750

That's it!

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11752

Yes, yes! Okay!

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11754

Okay, here we go.

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11756

Oh!

Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11758

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 36)