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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 34)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 34 of 122

  1. Oh my God! Oh my God, come on ...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10459

  2. Oh shhhh--oot!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10461

  3. No, he's not.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10463

  4. No, he's not.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10465

  5. Well, you can't get diseases from a bird!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10467

  6. We don't know if it's dead.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10469

  7. Attention everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4 p.m. we will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10472

  8. Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith. But that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby killed this bird. And now we are going to honor it.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10474

  9. No, no, no! That's enough! You know what? This bird is dead. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. Find a box for him.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10476

  10. It's okay. It's okay. Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10483

  11. What are... What are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10486

  12. No, God, no it's not! What is the matter with you? Is that the beak!?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10488

  13. Glad you could all make it.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10505

  14. Dwight, do you have the box?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10507

  15. You made this? Wow. That's... that's very nice.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10509

  16. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10512

  17. Shhh.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10517

  18. Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There is such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10522

  19. Oh, wow. He...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10533

  20. Does his family know?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10535

  21. But I'm the first in the office?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10537

  22. Okay, yes, sure, I will do that...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10539

  23. ...'Cause I'm the first to to find out. Nobody else knows and it is my responsibility to tell them. Well, good. How are you holding up? Want me to come over?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10541

  24. Ed Truck died. And it blows. They say that with grief, time makes it worse, which is bad for me because I found out before anybody so I've had more time to be sad.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10542

  25. I would like you all to clear your schedules this afternoon, because I am telling corporate to send in a grief counselor. We need to find out what is blocking you. And that way, we'll be able to honor Ed the way he deserves to be honored. May he rest in peace.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10545

  26. What was that, Kevin?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10547

  27. No, you said something, didn't you?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10549

  28. You think that's funny.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10551

  29. You are disgusting.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10553

  30. No, that can't be right.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10555

  31. Well, then I guess that makes you about the worst grief counselor in the world, doesn't it?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10557

  32. You're ruining it, already. They should not be given the choice.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10567

  33. Wow. Wow. No. No. You are the most heartless, soulless person I've ever met.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10574

  34. No. No. Shh. Enough. It is going to take me hours to undo all the damage that your have done here. Dwight, Ryan, I want you to take the table out. We're gonna go on a five minute break, and when you come back, we're going to start with a clean slate, and, in the interim, I would like you to forget everything that Toby has said, okay?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10576

  35. I don't think I'm overstating it when I say that Toby is a plague on this company. And he is worthless. You give people a chance to shine and they blow it, just like you knew they would. Grief counseling is not about, 'Are you hungry? Would you like a sandwich?' These people are so far gone, you have to stick a food tube down their throats.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10577

  36. Okay, part of the problem was that Toby talked at you. Now, I am going to talk with you. First off, I want you to be comfortable, because you really can't grieve if you're all tight and buttoned up. So, guys, loosen your ties, just take your jackets off if you want. Ladies, let your hair down. You know what? Even take your shoes off. I wanna get personal and I want you all to really open up. And I want you to know that anything and everything can be said.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10578

  37. I found an exercise in Toby's binder that he managed to miss, that involves screening the part of you that says, 'I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna talk about that. That is too private.' Here's how it works. I'm going to throw you this ball.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10581

  38. [in his office playing with a Dunder Mifflin Truck when it drops and the 'head' of the Truck comes off]

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10594

  39. That's... Hold it, hold it, hold it. Start, like, right in there. Just dig.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10596

  40. Okay, give it to me. You don't know what you're doing. All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10598

  41. Nothing. Let's just... all right. Guys, do you have a box we could use?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10600

  42. Uhhh... nothing.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10613

  43. Yeah, nothing. How was your day?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10615

  44. Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10617

  45. I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had sex. Is that what you want to hear?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10619

  46. Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10620

  47. Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10644

  48. Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10657

  49. Oh, shhh... Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10658

  50. Uh huh.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10669

  51. Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10671

  52. No, I think you're cutting in line.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10673

  53. No, I'm not going to settle down.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10675

  54. Get in the back please.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10677

  55. Boooooo. Thank you.. That's right.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10679

  56. No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10694

  57. I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10696

  58. Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10698

  59. Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10700

  60. Hi. Please tell me that you have a sweet pretzel left.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10707

  61. Thank God.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10709

  62. Is there anyway that you could do all, all of them?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10711

  63. All right! Thank you!

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10713

  64. Mr. Kosseli. Hey hey hey, the Cos. What's going on? Do we have a deal? Deal or no deal? Let's make a deal. So what is the deal?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10747

  65. Oh! Hey! Everyone, I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second...

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10760

  66. Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10762

  67. And I will be taking questions.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10764

  68. Carmel Dip. But, one question at a time please. Phyllis, Stanley. I want you to switch desks, I'm going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10767

  69. Hey, what time is it?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10778

  70. AM or PM?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10780

  71. Oh, good.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10782

  72. Oh. Koselli. With the Jello.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10784

  73. Yes. Right. Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10786

  74. Goodnight!

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10788

  75. Well, that's really not the way I roll, because sometimes I'm in the zone, and sometimes I'm in the zoning out.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10864

  76. Do you want me to go on Amazon and order you a slang dictionary? Cause I'll do it.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10866

  77. Yes, big if.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10868

  78. A woman spurned.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10870

  79. I always do.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10873

  80. If you lay a finger...

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10875

  81. Would you look at that? Damn it, Dwight! Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10877

  82. 9:00 to 10:00, checked in with receptionist. Met with Jan, RE: log. Lost log. Found log.' '10:00 to 11:00, light salad, three points.' That's on the wrong page.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10893

  83. Okay. That sounds good. Yes. Actually, today's a good day to do that.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10895

  84. What makes them so good?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10901

  85. I mean, they're just dough twisted up with some candy. They taste so good in my mouth.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Quote 10903

  86. Nice dress, Ryan.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10914

  87. OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10916

  88. Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10917

  89. How come you didn't get me one?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10921

  90. Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10937

  91. It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10938

  92. Wha? Really? You should! It's fun.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10940

  93. I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10941

  94. Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10942

  95. Kelly?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10944

  96. Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10946

  97. All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10953

  98. Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... '

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10958

  99. Okay. Spoiler... alert.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10960

  100. Just stop it. What's the... oh, whoa! Where did that come from?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10962