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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 34)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 34 of 122

  1. Oh my God! Oh my God, come on ...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10459

  2. Oh shhhh--oot!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10461

  3. No, he's not.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10463

  4. No, he's not.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10465

  5. Well, you can't get diseases from a bird!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10467

  6. We don't know if it's dead.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10469

  7. Attention everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4 p.m. we will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10472

  8. Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith. But that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby killed this bird. And now we are going to honor it.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10474

  9. No, no, no! That's enough! You know what? This bird is dead. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. Find a box for him.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10476

  10. It's okay. It's okay. Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10483

  11. What are... What are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10486

  12. No, God, no it's not! What is the matter with you? Is that the beak!?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10488

  13. Glad you could all make it.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10505

  14. Dwight, do you have the box?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10507

  15. You made this? Wow. That's... that's very nice.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10509

  16. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10512

  17. Shhh.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10517

  18. Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There is such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10522

  19. Oh, wow. He...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10533

  20. Does his family know?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10535

  21. But I'm the first in the office?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10537

  22. Okay, yes, sure, I will do that...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10539

  23. ...'Cause I'm the first to to find out. Nobody else knows and it is my responsibility to tell them. Well, good. How are you holding up? Want me to come over?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10541

  24. Ed Truck died. And it blows. They say that with grief, time makes it worse, which is bad for me because I found out before anybody so I've had more time to be sad.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10542

  25. I would like you all to clear your schedules this afternoon, because I am telling corporate to send in a grief counselor. We need to find out what is blocking you. And that way, we'll be able to honor Ed the way he deserves to be honored. May he rest in peace.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10545

  26. What was that, Kevin?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10547

  27. No, you said something, didn't you?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10549

  28. You think that's funny.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10551

  29. You are disgusting.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10553

  30. No, that can't be right.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10555

  31. Well, then I guess that makes you about the worst grief counselor in the world, doesn't it?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10557

  32. You're ruining it, already. They should not be given the choice.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10567

  33. Wow. Wow. No. No. You are the most heartless, soulless person I've ever met.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10574

  34. No. No. Shh. Enough. It is going to take me hours to undo all the damage that your have done here. Dwight, Ryan, I want you to take the table out. We're gonna go on a five minute break, and when you come back, we're going to start with a clean slate, and, in the interim, I would like you to forget everything that Toby has said, okay?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10576

  35. I don't think I'm overstating it when I say that Toby is a plague on this company. And he is worthless. You give people a chance to shine and they blow it, just like you knew they would. Grief counseling is not about, 'Are you hungry? Would you like a sandwich?' These people are so far gone, you have to stick a food tube down their throats.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10577

  36. Okay, part of the problem was that Toby talked at you. Now, I am going to talk with you. First off, I want you to be comfortable, because you really can't grieve if you're all tight and buttoned up. So, guys, loosen your ties, just take your jackets off if you want. Ladies, let your hair down. You know what? Even take your shoes off. I wanna get personal and I want you all to really open up. And I want you to know that anything and everything can be said.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10578

  37. I found an exercise in Toby's binder that he managed to miss, that involves screening the part of you that says, 'I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna talk about that. That is too private.' Here's how it works. I'm going to throw you this ball.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10581

  38. [in his office playing with a Dunder Mifflin Truck when it drops and the 'head' of the Truck comes off]

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10594

  39. That's... Hold it, hold it, hold it. Start, like, right in there. Just dig.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10596

  40. Okay, give it to me. You don't know what you're doing. All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10598

  41. Nothing. Let's just... all right. Guys, do you have a box we could use?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10600

  42. Uhhh... nothing.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10613

  43. Yeah, nothing. How was your day?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10615

  44. Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10617

  45. I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had sex. Is that what you want to hear?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10619

  46. Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10620

  47. Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10644

  48. Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10657

  49. Oh, shhh... Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10658

  50. Uh huh.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10669

  51. Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10671

  52. No, I think you're cutting in line.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10673

  53. No, I'm not going to settle down.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10675

  54. Get in the back please.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10677

  55. Boooooo. Thank you.. That's right.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10679

  56. No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10694

  57. I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10696

  58. Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10698

  59. Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10700

  60. Hi. Please tell me that you have a sweet pretzel left.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10707

  61. Thank God.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10709

  62. Is there anyway that you could do all, all of them?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10711

  63. All right! Thank you!

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10713

  64. Mr. Kosseli. Hey hey hey, the Cos. What's going on? Do we have a deal? Deal or no deal? Let's make a deal. So what is the deal?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10747

  65. Oh! Hey! Everyone, I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second...

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10760

  66. Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10762

  67. And I will be taking questions.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10764

  68. Carmel Dip. But, one question at a time please. Phyllis, Stanley. I want you to switch desks, I'm going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10767

  69. Hey, what time is it?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10778

  70. AM or PM?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10780

  71. Oh, good.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10782

  72. Oh. Koselli. With the Jello.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10784

  73. Yes. Right. Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10786

  74. Goodnight!

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10788

  75. Well, that's really not the way I roll, because sometimes I'm in the zone, and sometimes I'm in the zoning out.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10864

  76. Do you want me to go on Amazon and order you a slang dictionary? Cause I'll do it.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10866

  77. Yes, big if.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10868

  78. A woman spurned.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10870

  79. I always do.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10873

  80. If you lay a finger...

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10875

  81. Would you look at that? Damn it, Dwight! Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10877

  82. 9:00 to 10:00, checked in with receptionist. Met with Jan, RE: log. Lost log. Found log.' '10:00 to 11:00, light salad, three points.' That's on the wrong page.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10893

  83. Okay. That sounds good. Yes. Actually, today's a good day to do that.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10895

  84. What makes them so good?

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10901

  85. I mean, they're just dough twisted up with some candy. They taste so good in my mouth.

    Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10903

  86. Nice dress, Ryan.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10914

  87. OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10916

  88. Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10917

  89. How come you didn't get me one?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10921

  90. Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10937

  91. It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10938

  92. Wha? Really? You should! It's fun.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10940

  93. I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10941

  94. Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10942

  95. Kelly?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10944

  96. Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10946

  97. All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10953

  98. Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... '

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10958

  99. Okay. Spoiler... alert.

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10960

  100. Just stop it. What's the... oh, whoa! Where did that come from?

    Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 10962