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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 27)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 27 of 122

  1. Don't worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. Okay. Calling cards are... the wave of the future. These things sell themselves.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8205

  2. You know what? That's a nice attitude, Ryan, I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8207

  3. Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8209

  4. You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay? ...Alright, so, raise your hand if you wanna get rich. Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8211

  5. Alright, let me explain. Again. Phil has recruited me and another guy. Now, we are getting three people each. The more people that get involved, the more who are investing, the more money we're all going to make. It's not a pyramid scheme, it is a... it's not even a scheme per se, it's... ... I have to go make a call.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8213

  6. Oh ho ho! What?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8215

  7. Thank you! That's really nice.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8217

  8. Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it. I don't know why. Oh! Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8218

  9. What's up?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8219

  10. Ah, thank you sir.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8221

  11. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8224

  12. Ohh, god.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8226

  13. No no no, no, new suit, please.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8228

  14. Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually--- no, Bulgaria.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8230

  15. Good luck. One of a kind.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8232

  16. Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working twenty-four seven all day yesterday.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8234

  17. Don't! Nope! Please, don't want to spoil it for anybody. Spoil the surprise.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8236

  18. Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8238

  19. Yeah?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8248

  20. Oh, great, put her through.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8250

  21. Hey, you.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8252

  22. It is urgent, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8254

  23. Really? 'Cause, I thought we had the same birthday.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8256

  24. Thanks.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8258

  25. Nope. Totally private. You can say whatever is in your heart.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8260

  26. ...You can take a five, if you want.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8261

  27. Somebody brought in donuts for my birthday!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8262

  28. Thanks.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8264

  29. Somebody got donuts for my birthday!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8274

  30. You didn't know it was my birthday.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8276

  31. Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8278

  32. Mmm.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8280

  33. Here we go. Ohhhkay, this is great! Thank you my friends, she is perfect! Ahhh, Dwight, may I have your chair please? And, um, some singles, if you will! Allllright. Nnnnn-dink! Okay, um, alright. This has arms. Is that gonna be a... is that alright?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8286

  34. Okay. I'm so nervous.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8288

  35. When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids... and... I got a really bad rash from the pony, and all the kids got to ride the pony and I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me... for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out the pony was already in the truck. And around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8291

  36. Stop it. Stop! What is that?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8292

  37. Yeah, well, it's on the radio. My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Probably my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8294

  38. You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8296

  39. What?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8302

  40. Ohhh, God.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8304

  41. Ohhh, no.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8306

  42. Ohh, no, no, no! I can't... Ryan, come on. Let's do this.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8309

  43. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8314

  44. Thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8316

  45. Whoa whoa! Alright. Alright. Watch it... please.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8318

  46. Get in here... everybody.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8328

  47. Birthday party subs! My gift to you.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8330

  48. The best.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8333

  49. Yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8335

  50. Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. Still good.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8337

  51. Just the bread, it's fresh baked.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8339

  52. Mm-kay. Get whatever you want. And choke on it.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8341

  53. When I was sixteen, I was supposed to go out on a date with a girl named Julie. But there was another Michael in the class that she apparently thought the date was with, so she went out with him, on my birthday. And, she got him a cake, at the restaurant. And it wasn't even his birthday, but I heard about it the next day in school. So...

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8342

  54. Kevin? Respect the birthday please.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8366

  55. Are you done? ...Good. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8368

  56. Uhhh... blow out the candle. Okay. Mmmm...

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8370

  57. ... I asked for trick candles.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8372

  58. Okay. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again. Hello, what about the birthday boy? Haven't had a hug all day.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8374

  59. ... Aww, that... sucks, great. ... Wow, that's good timing. That's... that's, sorry, that's terrible. Terrible news. That's terrible... terrible news for both of us.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8376

  60. There you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that 98% of people with skin cancer fully recover.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8389

  61. Yeah, but it's not brain cancer. And it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8391

  62. And laughter... also.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8393

  63. Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8395

  64. Nyeh, I work here. Alright, well, you know what, since Toby doesn't speak for everybody and I am your boss, I... think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8397

  65. Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8399

  66. Excuse me, everyone. Attention please. Kevin, we're going to take you to a very special place, a place that will make you happy, and a place that is far, far away from the evil sun.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8404

  67. How dare you sir. You are gross.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8406

  68. That should not be there.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8407

  69. No, it's alright. It's already up. Just leave it. Where's Kevin? Come on! Let's get our skate on!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8409

  70. Yeah, I've been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but, you're on the road so much. You got no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8418

  71. Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin... um, it's pretty scary. And I'm thinking that uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8420

  72. Kevin. You heard anything yet?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8423

  73. Okay. Well. Live strong.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8425

  74. Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8427

  75. Yeah. Carol? She sold me my condo! Hey! What, is this place on the market? Or...

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8429

  76. Oh, these... all your kids?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8431

  77. Oh, hey guys. Whats up? You wanna go for a ride? Is that okay?

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8433

  78. Cool. Alright. Grab on. Here we go. Ready? Hang on tight. Alright. We are moving. We are reaaallly mooovin' now!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8435

  79. Push. Good! That's great. You got it. Excuse me.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8436

  80. Oh... God... God! We're gonna beat this, okay? We're gonna... come here.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8438

  81. Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would... be... chaos.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8439

  82. Okay, who's this from? Wowwwee, look at that! Jersey!

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8441

  83. Cool. Ohh. Great. From Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8443

  84. Thank you... Dwight. That's great. Thanks.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8445

  85. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8447

  86. Oh! You didn't need to do that. ...Nightswept. This is... really amazing. Thank you. I love it.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8449

  87. That's not how I taught you, right? My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lump Check it out

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8453

  88. Okay, here's the thing about bosses and employees. A good boss will say, 'Hey, it's my birthday. Celebrate me.' A great boss will say, 'Hey, it's my birthday. Celebrate yourselves, because you are the ones who made me great, and I will acknowledge your contributions with donuts.'

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8455

  89. Good. You know, Ryan, you didn't have to get me a present.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8456

  90. Good. Great.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8458

  91. No, I think you're gonna stay.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8460

  92. On my 20th birthday, my supposed best friend, Sam Ambrose, ditched me for his twin sister's Sweet Sixteen party. And that was my worst birthday. Until today.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8461

  93. Mmm-hmm.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8464

  94. Oh, good. Okay. Don't tell me, tell them.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8466

  95. Oh, my God. That's a piece of cake. That's a piece of cake. Oh, 2%. Jeez, that's good.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8468

  96. Out of, like, 18 billion Americans, so, no worry.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8470

  97. Those were probably misdiagnosed. I mean, anybody with a zit goes in and says, 'I have cancer.'

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8472

  98. Untrue. The heart is bigger than the skin. If you stretched the heart out, it would cover more than the entire body.

    Season 2 · Episode 19 · Line 8474

  99. Ry, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot. You know, you're totally harshing the office mellow.

    Season 2 · Episode 20 · Line 8496

  100. Narc!

    Season 2 · Episode 20 · Line 8504