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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 25)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 25 of 122

  1. Well here we go. On our way to New York. New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7387

  2. The meeting isn't 'til three, but I always like to come to New York little bit early and hit some of my favorite hunts, like right here, is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7394

  3. Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it. Most people when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building, that's pretty touristy. I come here. Great places to eat. We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there. Ya know. This is, this is the heart of civilization, right here.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7409

  4. Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time. It's a way to Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7414

  5. This is the world famous Rockefeller Center. Founded, of course by Theodore Rockefeller. This is a skating rink and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes and it's, that's Tina Fey. That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. Hello? Hello, hi? OH, I'm sorry, I thought you were, OK, I thought that was. She, she looked a lot like Tina Fey. Hello, hello, I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't. So... Are you serious? He was here? When, when I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on! And are you, argh.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7415

  6. I would love to live in New York someday. It's a big dream of mine. Work for corporate, with Jan. It'd be awesome. Go to Broadway shows, eat hot dogs. Scranton is great, but New York, is like Scranton on acid, no on speed, no on steroids. OK, umm, I think, that's either the Hudson or the East, so we're back, should be back this way. There's a lotta pressure on me right now. It's like Michael Jordan, in the NBA finals. Or, like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf, and this presentation is desert storm and as soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore. Let's do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7422

  7. There they are. What's up? Hey hey.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7431

  8. Josh Porter, high five. Bam.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7434

  9. Yeah, how ya doing? Nobody needs to introduce this guy. Craiggers.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7436

  10. You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany, is that true?

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7438

  11. So what's going on? What I miss?

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7440

  12. Cool. Good, good, good. Give us some time to catch up, and...

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7442

  13. Ay, Kay. Come on, you know, that's not. Cool it.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7462

  14. Maybe because she's my girlfriend. Was, or not my girlfriend. She's... we hooked up and...

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7464

  15. You know, months ago, just once, It's, just stupid. Just forget it,

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7466

  16. Yeah, yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7468

  17. Ditto. How are you Jan?

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7483

  18. What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7491

  19. Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it. Because at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, we're not just in the paper business, we're in the people business. Let's meet some of the folks that make the Scranton branch so special. This is Stanley Hudson, one of our talented salesman. An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmark's of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our bases on.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7492

  20. Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. I was thinking of entering it into some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7493

  21. And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants. Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know, that you're home.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7494

  22. Questions?

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7495

  23. Yes, thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7497

  24. Yes, absolutely David. Get that for you. I umm...

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7499

  25. Oh, ok. Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7523

  26. No you're not.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7525

  27. Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So...

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7527

  28. Yes. I'm sorry. I will fix this. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to David.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7529

  29. I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. Airplane.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7531

  30. No no no no no, yes I, OK, well, alright, here's the deal. It's my fault. This is, this is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys. We were all chatting and I made a joke, a really dumb joke and Craig the idiot took it seriously.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7543

  31. I did, it was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7545

  32. I know. It was borderline at best and... And Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world and um, I'm really sorry. It will never happen again.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7547

  33. Oh, no big deal. Really. Sorry again.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7556

  34. Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7558

  35. Oy vey... schmear.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7560

  36. Everybody, hello, can I have your attention, please? Since it's Valentine's Day, there's something that I wanted to say. I love the women of this office. Pam, I love you.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7561

  37. I love you, Angela. Yes, even you. I love you, Kelly. I love you, Meredith. This is all platonically, of course.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7563

  38. I love ladies, always have. And you know what I think is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The brains. Because I don't think a woman is beautiful unless she is smart. And also, the brains are where the ladies get their best nasty ideas for bedroom stuff.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7564

  39. That's a lot of noodles. How much sodium do you think is in that cup? This place used to be full of hookers and porn shops and it's not that way anymore. There's an old building. That one hasn't been torn down yet, but they will. They'll get to it.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7570

  40. This is where it's all happening. We got TGI Fridays. I'm in the picture! Sometimes I just jump into people's pictures. Lot of people have their picture taken. It's kind of a New Yorker thing. You jump in on a tourist's picture and kind of ruin it. There's an energy to New York that you just feel. Um, everybody... Don't get hit. Everybody is kind of together and everybody hates each other, but loves each other at the same time. Screw off! People just yell at each other in New York, and it's great.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7577

  41. Great. Thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7589

  42. Okay, here's the thing about Jan. She talks such a big game about, 'Oh there's nothing between us and stop talking about it.' And 'Border-line harassment when you call me at home.' But let me ask you this, is it just a coincidence that this meeting is taking place on Valentine's Day? Answer, maybe, but maybe not. We shall see.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7591

  43. You know what? It was nice to see Devon again. To sort of get closure on that whole thing.

    Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7612

  44. Let's think this through. If we ask Corporate for that then...

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7613

  45. Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7615

  46. Have to think it through. Because if they say no...

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7617

  47. No! Yes, we have to! You know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office! In that box! All day long. Heisman! Because I need to think. Okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin, oh! Nice catch. Mmmm, mmm, mmm,mmm. Os-car! Intercepted.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7619

  48. Give it to me. Phyllis, give me the ball. Ok, give me the ball. Give me, you guys... Creed give me the ball! Right now give it to me.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7621

  49. Hey, Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7624

  50. You all right Ryan?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7626

  51. Pam!

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7629

  52. That's what she said!

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7644

  53. Grapes. Seductive. So you ready for the big speech this afternoon?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7646

  54. Oh! Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time. Um... And yes, it is a big speech. Biggest of your life.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7648

  55. Speaker at the Sales Convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just... I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because someone gives you proof of it. Sir, you're awesome! Here's a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? Here's a certificate. They stopped making plaques that year.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7649

  56. That would look terrible. These are mostly salesmen and salesmen expect to be entertained and you are the main act.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7651

  57. That's because you're incapable of doing it because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7654

  58. But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7656

  59. Well, if you have a question, you should ask me.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7658

  60. Don't. Don't try and think of a question to humor me. Just... try not to be such an idiot.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7660

  61. Insult.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7662

  62. But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7668

  63. It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a Sex Ed class.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7670

  64. Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs!

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7672

  65. I do. Both of them.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7674

  66. No, no! They would remember them. Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? All right? Here we go. Watch this.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7676

  67. Attention everybody! Attention please! I have some very great news from Corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for 1000 dollars!

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7677

  68. Congratulations.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7679

  69. You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7681

  70. No, no! It's not true. I was just talking so just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7683

  71. He's kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7697

  72. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7699

  73. All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7701

  74. As your leader and your friend, I sort of demand that you can all speak in public as I can... and did... twice. You saw the plaque, right? All right. We're all going to go around the room and we're going to make toasts. And that way, we will overcome our fear of public speaking.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7703

  75. Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7705

  76. Yes. Good. Jim taking the initiative.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7708

  77. Oh ho hokay. You know what? That's not a toast. You're not standing up.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7715

  78. Okay, Dwight. Show us what you have learned today.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7725

  79. Well, it's mostly made up. So...

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7731

  80. Dwight is not going to do a job. It's sad. And they're expecting excellence because I did do such a good job. Two years in a row. I killed. It was amazing.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7732

  81. Confidence, Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7733

  82. It's time, Dwight. The grim reaper is here.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7748

  83. All right. You ready? Here we go! Wow. It's a little bit bigger than I remember. Come on. We're down here. Right.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7755

  84. Dwight, they called your name.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7762

  85. All right. You know what? Okay. No. No problem. You are lucky you have me here. I'm going to cover for you. All right!

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7765

  86. Gooood morning, Vietnaaaam! I am not Dwight Schrute. Not at all. I am Michael Scott, his mentor and boss. And until Dwight comes up, if he ever does, I wanted to say a few words about excellence. What makes a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that nature. And one would be humor. What is the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7767

  87. I'm very sorry. I did not know you were wearing a hearing aid and I just thought you were speaking abnormally. ...And now the black guy from the 'Police Academy' movies. A robot. Michael Winslow, anyone?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7775

  88. Car starting. All right, Dwight Schrute everyone.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7776

  89. Good luck. That is a tough crowd.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7778

  90. I got thirsty. How'd it go?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7809

  91. You would not believe what happened here.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7811

  92. Oh! This woman came in, sat down, ordered a drink. The bartender asked for her ID which I thought was odd because I pegged her at like 35.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7813

  93. Yeah, it was weird. So, she was like 'I don't have my ID, please give me one.' And he was like 'I can't do that. I can't serve you.'

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7815

  94. She might have been. So she says 'Fine. I will go to my room. I will get my purse. I will come back. I'll show you my ID.' She hasn't come back yet. She's probably in her room drinking from the mini-bar! Right?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7817

  95. Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar stories. So, I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7818

  96. That's it? You're going to end with 'etcetera'? Okay, what's this big organizational system that...

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7823

  97. That would be suicide. Never, never talk specifics. Not in a speech. But the fact that you have no idea what to say is, believe it or not, the least of our worries.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7825

  98. It's your delivery...

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7827

  99. Our biggest worry.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7829

  100. My God, Dwight. The best way to learn is by watching. That's why porn is a multi-trillion-dollar industry. Listen. Okay. Sit down, let me wow you.

    Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7831