Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 30

Okay, put her through. Jan Levinson, I presume?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9223

Hey, Jan. How you doing?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9226

I am?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9228

Oh, okay.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9230

AIDS.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9232

Okay, sounds great.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9234

Bye Hello, Carol? Hi, sorry about that. I just...

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9236

Right.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9238

Yeah?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9240

What?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9242

Okay.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9244

Problem. Good.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9246

Good, All right. Sounds great.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9248

Bye.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9250

Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9252

Hey, hey.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9255

Hey, Carol.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9257

You look great.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9259

Oh, well... Kiss. That's how we do it in the paper biz. It's European and... Yes? Ah, Dwight

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9261

Can I get you a drink? The food is from Hooters.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9264

Okay.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9266

Billy, your nurse is hot.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9271

Your nurse became your girlfriend? Sweet.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9273

Chili's is great.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9275

Welkommen, Bienvenue, and welcome to Monte Carlo! Dwight. I am no longer your boss. Lady Fortune is your boss.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9276

Shut it, shut it, shut it. Will Lady Fortune be your mistress? Only time will tell, my friends. Leave all your preconceived notions about casinos at the door. Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all! Great, okay. Shuffle up and deal. Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9278

All-in.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9280

Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. Did you believe me?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9281

What are... That's insane.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9283

Well, Toby, I went all-in on the first hand, so doesn't that tell you that I might have good cards, too? So don't be stupid. Just take it back.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9285

Okay, all right, whatever.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9287

You really screwed that up.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9289

Yeah, whatever. Hey, you know what? If luck weren't involved, I would always be winning. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9296

Jan.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9298

Look, okay, I think we're all adults here, and it has always been my understanding that we have an open relationship.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9300

After you said you weren't coming, I invited Carol to come and I don't think that I did anything wrong.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9303

Um...

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9309

Hey. What...

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9311

All right!

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9348

Four! Blow. Blow for luck! Yeah! Also, you. Not playing favorites. All right, here we go!

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9351

Yeah!

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9353

So close. So close.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9355

Hey, okay.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9430

Thank you.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9432

Okay. Thanks for coming.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9434

Okay. Talk to you Monday.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9438

Good night. She's a good boss.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9441

Oh, she's great.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9443

Love triangle. Drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did. And Jan was really happy for me. So actually the hero got two girls. He got the girl that he works with and he got the girl that he buys real estate from. So, I've got my New York girl and my local flavor. Life is good.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9444

Everybody, in the conference room now, please. Thank you. Time is money.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9446

No.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9448

No.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9450

I want somebody to give me the name of one of our biggest competitors.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9453

Good. Yes, that will work. All right. Now I need a plural noun.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9455

How about a location?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9457

Where the hell is that?

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9459

Okay, all right.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9461

No, no, no. No, no, not until you give me an adjective.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9463

We already have that. So...

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9465

No, Toby, damn it, come on! We already have that. I need something fun. Something like fat or smelly. Or pukey. Pukey. Pukey's good. Okay. Pukey. Now I need a noun.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9467

Good. Thank you, Phyllis. That wasn't so hard. All right, here we go. 'Office Depot is an annoying store. One day Creed went there to buy paper. And he ran into irritating Cylons.'

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9469

One of them was named Michael Scott, and he was an...' Oh, damn it. Okay. Okay, okay, we're... Okay, we're starting over.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9471

Look, if anything goes missing, we will reimburse.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9475

Dang! Paper making paper, I.e. money.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9477

Paper money. Yeah. The company's doing fine.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9479

Hey. Okay. You know what? Don't even think. I command you to just go down and have fun tonight. All right? Don't think about it.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9481

Our numbers are down, yes, but we have a heck of a crew here in Scranton. Hardworking, motivated, dynamic. Every single last one of them. They follow my lead. I sort of set the tone. And it doesn't hurt that my ex works for corporate. Jan loves this branch, and I think that's really more than half the battle.

Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9482

No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody 'faggie'. Why would anybody find that offensive?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9496

That's what faggie means!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9498

It wasn't just an action movie, it was Die Hard!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9501

Exactly!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9503

Yeah, I know.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9505

OK, a little too far, crossed the line.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9507

I would have never called him that if I knew. You don't... You don't call retarded people 'retards'. It's bad taste. You call your friends 'retards' when they're acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9509

Listen man, I am so sorry. I had no idea.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9510

No. No it's not. I feel terrible about it. I have been calling people 'faggie' since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know? I'm just... I, I can't even imagine... the... thing. Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9512

Can you tell who's gay and who's not?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9528

What about Oscar?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9530

Well, he

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9532

There could be others... I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9534

Yeah, I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9536

Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9537

I don't know, I can imagine her with another woman, can't you?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9539

Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell by just looking at them.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9541

That's ridiculous.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9543

Let's call him and get the website.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9545

Well, they're sold out.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9548

I watch the L Word. I watch, Queer as F***, so...

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9564

What? What does that even...

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9567

Well, gay pride, right? Gay pride parade? It's not like gay... shame festival.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9569

I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9571

I don't kn--

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9573

Anything's possible.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9575

Well, I'm not gay Jan, and you should know that better than anybody!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9577

The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9579

Trick question! Cause you can't always tell, so... how would I know. Is that the right answer?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9581

Nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. This is fine. You know what. Gay porn, straight porn, it's all goooooood! I don't particularly get into this. But uh, you know what. I totally see the merit! And actually... it is quite beautiful.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9584

All right, everybody in the conference room! I don't care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9588

Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant lame. And now it means a man, who makes love... to other men.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9589

We're all homos! Homosapiens. Gays aren't necessarily who you think they are, people. I mean anybody could be gay. Business-men. Like antique dealers, or hairdressers, or... accountants. Oscar, why don't you take this opportunity to officially come out, to everybody here. However you want to do it. Go ahead. Stand up. I'm doing this for you.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9590

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 30)