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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 23)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 23 of 122

  1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6783

  2. Don't ape me.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6785

  3. This is great.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6787

  4. The pressures of my office are insane.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6789

  5. I just... you couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it so easy out here, you know? I used to sit right here.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6791

  6. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6793

  7. Ed Truck. Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, 'Oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work.' What a jerk. He's... You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6795

  8. You know who used to sit at that desk?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6797

  9. Mm-mm. Todd Packer.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6799

  10. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6801

  11. He was, but, uh... that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6803

  12. When I was in training, many years ago... not so long ago... I worked side-by-side with a fellow named Todd Packer, and together we rocked the office. Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off, and when people noticed, we convinced them that

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6805

  13. I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6806

  14. Oh, a customer, well, sound the alarm. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6808

  15. Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6809

  16. Charley horse!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6811

  17. Charley horse!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6813

  18. Oh, okay. Gah.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6815

  19. Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. It was hysterical.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6816

  20. Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6824

  21. Let's send up Accounting.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6826

  22. Old fashioned raid. Sales on Accounting. Yeah. Follow my lead.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6828

  23. Hey guys.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6829

  24. Ahem. What's up?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6831

  25. Yeah! Oh ho ho

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6835

  26. No, no, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do that.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6837

  27. Watch out, Pam. You're next!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6839

  28. Maybe!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6841

  29. Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6843

  30. You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6844

  31. Stop.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6846

  32. Stop it. Stop. It. Don't. Don't.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6848

  33. All right.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6850

  34. Hi, guys.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6860

  35. I'm just walking around.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6862

  36. Well, yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6864

  37. Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are workin' for the weekend, aren't you? I'm workin' for the week. Sales team, listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm gonna put a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6866

  38. Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three dollars. Still a lotta money and I'm going to ... ... I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today because he is not here and out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6868

  39. Oh, it is on, Phyllis, it is so on!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6870

  40. God, this is gonna be fun.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6872

  41. So you have 40 boxes going out, and I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. Very good, nice doing business with you. Thank you. Yes! Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Oh! Oh, look at that! Look at me, Phyllis! Oh, what is that? That's my sale!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6874

  42. Nothing.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6876

  43. No. Just ...

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6878

  44. You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so just...

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6880

  45. Yeah, paper business. Is this done?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6882

  46. Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6884

  47. This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6889

  48. You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're... we're not... we're not doin' this today.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6890

  49. You wanna talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just... I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6892

  50. I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6894

  51. Well I hated it! A lot! Okay, I... you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done . Very well. Then you are all punished.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6896

  52. You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly. No. NO!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6898

  53. Do you remember Ed Truck?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6915

  54. How would I know?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6917

  55. My biggest fear is turning into him.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6919

  56. I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6921

  57. Ed? Hi. Thanks for meeting me. Must be kinda neat comin' back.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6922

  58. Uh, well, honestly Ed, I really don't wanna be up there right now.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6924

  59. Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office, and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6926

  60. I didn't get a good look at... it, but it smells horrible.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6928

  61. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6930

  62. Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6932

  63. Well... s-sure I can.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6934

  64. Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6936

  65. Well, okay. Different management styles.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6938

  66. Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, 'Uh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.'

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6940

  67. Yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6944

  68. Who is this? How did you get this number?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6946

  69. Oh my God. Packer. Packster. Whacky Pack. How you doin'?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6948

  70. Uh... no. Did anybody see a package here today? No. How big was it?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6950

  71. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6952

  72. Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6954

  73. Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6956

  74. Are you kidding me? Oh!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6959

  75. That was Packer! Oh, you're... you are dead. You are dead, my friend! That is hilar... Oh, God! Of course it was you.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6961

  76. Oh. Yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6963

  77. It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's ah... God, these people are so... these are good people. We have fun. We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6964

  78. Okay, that quantity of cotton fiber will cost you... my screen disappeared. I know. I will click on the bottom and... Yes. I'm getting one of those little hourglass things. Used to have a price chart on the wall, now it's a little hourglass thing with an arrow next to it. Now it's just an hourglass thing. Uh-huh, yeah, well, or I can call you back. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6995

  79. What's going on? Anything here?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6999

  80. Yes, yes. What yes? A sale or a lead or...

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7001

  81. Ah. Small?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7003

  82. Huge?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7005

  83. Would you say the sale that I made earlier was huge or...

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7007

  84. What was that?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7010

  85. You call that a sales call? My God, what have they been teaching you?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7012

  86. Yeah, well, did I teach you to roll over like a submissive dog?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7014

  87. No, I did not.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7016

  88. Exactly, ask me, which you did, so, tell a joke.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7018

  89. Do you know a joke?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7020

  90. Call a client right now.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7022

  91. And tell him the joke.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7024

  92. Strike while the iron's hot. A joke always works.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7026

  93. Just sell it.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7028

  94. Give me the phone.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7030

  95. Give me the phone.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7032

  96. Tell him. Tell him that your supervisor is on the line.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7034

  97. The old one two. Let's do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7036

  98. Hey Howard. Michael Scott here. Yeah, sorry about that. Dwight is an idiot. I know. No, he's a little... Little dim. He's the janitor's brother, so...

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7038

  99. Uh-huh? Yeah. Well, you know, like in a fast food restaurant, just to be nice they hire somebody who can't even find their way to work? That is Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7040

  100. What can we do to help you out? You know what? I have a discount. Today and today only, on lightweight copier paper.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7042