Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 36)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 36 of 76

1. No.

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26763

2. PETA.

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26765

3. Well... I guess we papered over that pretty nicely. It always amuses me when corporate thinks they can make some big change with a twenty minute meeting in some fancy high-rise. What's the matter? You hungry?

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26772

4. Don't you worry about that. I got it covered. Okay?

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26774

5. I am planning a bomb scare that should really get the blood pumping.

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26776

6. What? You?

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26778

7. Come on.

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26780

8. That's preposterous.

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26782

9. This is a farce. I should be teaching this course.

   Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26802

10. Absolutely I would not.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26809

11. Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26850

12. Anyone else?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26852

13. Wrong. Ehh. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one, we only have minutes to harvest.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26854

14. He is.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26857

15. Get me some ice and a styrofoam bucket. Here we go.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26859

16. We search for the organs. Where's the heart? The precious heart.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26863

17. Clarice?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26871

18. I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie and it turns out, it's pretty realistic.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26874

19. Wow.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26877

20. I have.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26900

21. 'I state my regret.'

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26902

22. I could not, because I do not feel it. Okay, everyone. I am going to need you to sign this statement of regret as an acknowledgement that you heard it. Okay? Everyone come on up here. It's not a big deal.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26904

23. Yeah, right. I filled him full of butter and sugar for 50 years and forced him not to exercise. Now, take a lesson from Stanley and jog on up here and sign this, okay? Make a line. Just form a line right here. Sign it! Sign it now!

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26906

24. Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26967

25. Speaking of which...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26969

26. May I have your attention please? Sign in, sign in on the sign in sheet, the clipboard. This meeting is mandatory, if you do not sign in your name will not be counted. Thank you.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26981

27. That was the last signature I needed.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26983

28. How dare you all attack him like this.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27007

29. Michael is your superior.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27009

30. Okay, you should be bowing down in front of him.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27011

31. Ok, no, they don't understand who they have...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27013

32. You're interrupting me. I'm trying to get your back.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27015

33. Are you calling me an idiot?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27017

34. Don't you ever talk to me that way. You pathetic, short little man. You don't have any friends, or any family, or any land.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27019

35. It's very unusual for Michael not to show up to work. My guess? He's either deeply depressed, or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them and staring up at them. And I always say Michael, take two steps back, and stare at the icicle from the side. And he's like no, I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27039

36. Attention everyone I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27044

37. Oh, that's quite a leap Pam.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27047

38. Got it.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27056

39. Hey. Why are you wearing a turtleneck?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27068

40. Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27112

41. Go ahead, you do it.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27117

42. I insist.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27119

43. What he said was...

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27121

44. ...there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful, so he appointed two heads.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27123

45. I am a paper salesman, this is humiliating. That's on my side.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27125

46. If you say screw you one more time...

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27150

47. Hey, HEY.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27152

48. Oh God.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27155

49. What kind of cake do you want imbecile.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27158

50. Well, I'm not done yet.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27178

51. They match the carpet

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27180

52. It's a statement of fact.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27182

53. This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27184

54. Are you trying to hurt my feeling? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27186

55. Have you collected the money from everyone?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27188

56. How much do you have?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27190

57. That's how much you and I contributed! I... Damn it Jim!

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27192

58. [sighs]

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27194

59. Damn it! Dwight Schrute.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27289

60. Who is this?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27291

61. Mose doesn't know how to use a phone. So joke's on you.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27293

62. Uh, 24. 37.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27295

63. I'll call you back.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27297

64. I have here Kelly Kapoor's personal and confidental file. Allow me to share. 'Kelly Kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at Berks County Youth Center.' Juvie. 'According to past employers, it in no way affects her job perfor...' Blah, Blah, Blah.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27298

65. What did you do?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27347

66. What did you do?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27349

67. What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27351

68. Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27353

69. In juvie.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27355

70. Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27357

71. For reha-

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27359

72. What did you do? Huh?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27361

73. Yeah, if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27363

74. I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27365

75. Frosting.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27376

76. Nice job on the cake, Bozo!

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27379

77. Busy!

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27426

78. Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27428

79. You know what? I'm a little busy.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27430

80. It's not effeminate. It's festive.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27432

81. You have to write my suggestions down, too.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27499

82. It's in the name.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27501

83. You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27503

84. Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27505

85. Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. What about you?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27507

86. That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27509

87. Hey, it's not a surprise.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27522

88. Told you.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27527

89. Our theme, if you will.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27531

90. That's our theme.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27533

91. Oh, yes! Okay, good. So what's it gonna be, Kapoor?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27537

92. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27539

93. Okay, nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're gonna be eating cake at our desks. Let's go.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27549

94. Move it! Let's go, go, go, go, go. I got this.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27551

95. Okay, you've got one hour.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27554

96. Mm, great cake.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27556

97. Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. Many happy returns.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27558

98. Ayyyy!

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27591

99. So sexy it becomes hostile.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27618

100. Yeah, deal with it Pam!

     Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27628