Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 37)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 37 of 76

1. Having trouble finding a vein?

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27630

2. How about now?

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27632

3. I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27633

4. You're right. OK everyone, back to work.

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27742

5. A net? a giant net?

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27744

6. What do you have in mind?

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27746

7. Oh God, that's a terrible idea.

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27748

8. No.

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27750

9. Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? Ha, you're not allowing natural selection to do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.

   Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27752

10. Hey. No movement.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27755

11. Eh, its not that early.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27757

12. I'm ok. Feel a little lopsided because of all the blood they took out of my right side.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27759

13. Oh. Meh.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27761

14. Eh.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27763

15. Hello.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27765

16. Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27767

17. I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot, any knot. Go ahead.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27777

18. You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie. So where does a woman as charming as yourself find herself employed on a day such as today.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27779

19. You must use a lot of paper.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27781

20. ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27797

21. Is somebody after you?

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27799

22. Hey, it just takes one!

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27801

23. Oh, not likely. 3 billion woman on the planet, most of them live in Asia so the numbers just don't add up.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27807

24. So basically, the greater volume you decide to buy in, the greater discount we can give you.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27847

25. OK, what's up?

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27849

26. Oh-oh-oh before you go, I'd just love to get a firm commitment on this. You know maybe sign--

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27851

27. OK. Well, thanks for wasting my time tonight, idiot. God!

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27853

28. Thanks, Michael.

    Season 5 · Episode 16 · Quote 27855

29. I got a knock-knock joke.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27886

30. OK, Michael, please, please, please, please, please let me.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27888

31. Knock, knock.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27890

32. KGB.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27892

33. We will ask the questions!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27894

34. What are you doing?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27896

35. Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27898

36. C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27900

37. I'm not answering it.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27906

38. No way, it's the KGB.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27909

39. I'm not answering that. You answer it.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27911

40. I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27913

41. It's true.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 27915

42. That was your idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28019

43. You did. Several times. Over and over again.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28021

44. You were dressed as Willy Wonka so...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28023

45. Wasn't my idea. Loved - but I can't.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28025

46. You don't keep a diary.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28027

47. Hold that thought. March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers ten perfect off for one year.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28029

48. To keep secrets from my computer.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28031

49. Impossible.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28033

50. I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28035

51. Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28037

52. With all my heart.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28039

53. OK, what am I thinking right now?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28051

54. No... How skin is the largest organ of the body.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28053

55. Oh, not gonna happen.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28055

56. I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28056

57. What about Shoe La La?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28058

58. I love working here and I do not want to leave.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28064

59. Well...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28066

60. We discussed the fact that I'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28068

61. No plowing my own acres. Going around shirtless all day. You know experiencing freedom.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28070

62. Try me.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28072

63. I haven't made a decision yet.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28074

64. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28076

65. He said he would do the same for me.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28079

66. I'm gonna go back to work. After I write you up for insubordination.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28081

67. David... you're welcome.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28087

68. That's what she said!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28090

69. Inspiration.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28092

70. You never know when it's gonna strike. Just... boom.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28094

71. Apology rejected.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28099

72. Oh Pam.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28101

73. Thanks old man.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28103

74. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28105

75. 'Cause I've got this idea...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28109

76. Alright.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28115

77. OK guys, listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy. Sweet sugary candy from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acids, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28117

78. So I love Willy Wonka. That golden ticket scene is so inspiring to me that that's where I cam up with that idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28120

79. Pam...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28123

80. That is my idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28125

81. It is my idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28129

82. It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28131

83. Horse Boat.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28133

84. A canoe built around your horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse Boat!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28135

85. Oh give me a break.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28137

86. That's because they're easy!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28139

87. Women's urinals... uh...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28141

88. Yes, it's Michael's idea that he forced on me on threat of death.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28143

89. Oh I am. In my own words.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28151

90. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28153

91. No, Michael.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28155

92. No!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28157

93. Ding dong.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28165

94. KGB.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28167

95. When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28169

96. We have more houses to visit.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28171

97. We will come back at... how is 4:45?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28173

98. How about 5:15?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28175

99. Very well, we will come back at 5:15.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Quote 28177

100. Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause.

     Season 5 · Episode 18 · Quote 28179