Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 37)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 37 of 76

1. Having trouble finding a vein?

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2. How about now?

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3. I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.

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4. You're right. OK everyone, back to work.

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5. A net? a giant net?

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6. What do you have in mind?

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7. Oh God, that's a terrible idea.

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8. No.

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9. Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? Ha, you're not allowing natural selection to do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.

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10. Hey. No movement.

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11. Eh, its not that early.

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12. I'm ok. Feel a little lopsided because of all the blood they took out of my right side.

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13. Oh. Meh.

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14. Eh.

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15. Hello.

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16. Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight.

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17. I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot, any knot. Go ahead.

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18. You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie. So where does a woman as charming as yourself find herself employed on a day such as today.

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19. You must use a lot of paper.

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20. ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?

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21. Is somebody after you?

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22. Hey, it just takes one!

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23. Oh, not likely. 3 billion woman on the planet, most of them live in Asia so the numbers just don't add up.

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24. So basically, the greater volume you decide to buy in, the greater discount we can give you.

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25. OK, what's up?

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26. Oh-oh-oh before you go, I'd just love to get a firm commitment on this. You know maybe sign--

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27. OK. Well, thanks for wasting my time tonight, idiot. God!

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28. Thanks, Michael.

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29. I got a knock-knock joke.

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30. OK, Michael, please, please, please, please, please let me.

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31. Knock, knock.

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32. KGB.

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33. We will ask the questions!

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34. What are you doing?

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35. Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!

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36. C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.

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37. I'm not answering it.

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38. No way, it's the KGB.

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39. I'm not answering that. You answer it.

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40. I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.

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41. It's true.

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42. That was your idea.

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43. You did. Several times. Over and over again.

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44. You were dressed as Willy Wonka so...

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45. Wasn't my idea. Loved - but I can't.

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46. You don't keep a diary.

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47. Hold that thought. March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers ten perfect off for one year.

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48. To keep secrets from my computer.

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49. Impossible.

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50. I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28035

51. Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies.

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52. With all my heart.

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53. OK, what am I thinking right now?

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54. No... How skin is the largest organ of the body.

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55. Oh, not gonna happen.

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56. I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28056

57. What about Shoe La La?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28058

58. I love working here and I do not want to leave.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28064

59. Well...

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60. We discussed the fact that I'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world.

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61. No plowing my own acres. Going around shirtless all day. You know experiencing freedom.

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62. Try me.

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63. I haven't made a decision yet.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28074

64. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28076

65. He said he would do the same for me.

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66. I'm gonna go back to work. After I write you up for insubordination.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28081

67. David... you're welcome.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28087

68. That's what she said!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28090

69. Inspiration.

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70. You never know when it's gonna strike. Just... boom.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28094

71. Apology rejected.

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72. Oh Pam.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28101

73. Thanks old man.

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74. Yeah.

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75. 'Cause I've got this idea...

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76. Alright.

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77. OK guys, listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy. Sweet sugary candy from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acids, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28117

78. So I love Willy Wonka. That golden ticket scene is so inspiring to me that that's where I cam up with that idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28120

79. Pam...

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80. That is my idea.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28125

81. It is my idea.

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82. It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28131

83. Horse Boat.

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84. A canoe built around your horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse Boat!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28135

85. Oh give me a break.

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86. That's because they're easy!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28139

87. Women's urinals... uh...

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28141

88. Yes, it's Michael's idea that he forced on me on threat of death.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28143

89. Oh I am. In my own words.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28151

90. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28153

91. No, Michael.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28155

92. No!

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28157

93. Ding dong.

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94. KGB.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28167

95. When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there?

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28169

96. We have more houses to visit.

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97. We will come back at... how is 4:45?

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98. How about 5:15?

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99. Very well, we will come back at 5:15.

    Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28177

100. Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause.

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