Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 39)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 39 of 76

1. No.

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2. No.

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3. It is possible that I could be talking about us.

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4. It is the situation that we are in now.

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5. I'm not a barbarian.

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6. I will.

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7. Yes?

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8. I've said too much.

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9. I'm sorry, Michael

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10. I did, Michael. I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it.

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11. Dwight Schrute.

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12. I think you have the wrong number, Michael.

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13. Mr. Schofield, please?

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14. Dammit!

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15. I have a long term relationship with Harper Collins publishers and Mr. Schofield. I'm not worried.

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16. And you have bad skin. Oh, look everyone, we're all making observations!

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17. And no, I cannot lower my current prices. Hold on. Hello? Mr. Schofield, thank you so much for taking the time to talk. I wanted to discuss your contract with us- oh, you're considering him. I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown.

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18. Michael has been talking to my biggest client. Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like 'Highlander,' but still...

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19. I would like to arrange a truce.

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20. Meet me in our spot in four minutes.

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21. Michael.

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22. In which direction?

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23. At what time?

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24. That-

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25. Michael. Sorry.

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26. Michael.

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27. You were making me do things that were not all right.

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28. And not come through for you?

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29. I want a truce.

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30. Let me take you and your whole company out for lunch at Alfredo's.

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31. I had fish yesterday.

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32. Oh, hi, Michael. I'm so sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic.

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33. I hit a bear.

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34. He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo. Hey, listen, will you do me a favor and order the meatball parm for me, with extra cheese?

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35. Ok, I will see you very soon, alright?

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36. Did you enjoy your lunch?

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37. No, Michael, you were sabotaged.

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38. Me.

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39. I broke it.

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40. Yes.

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41. You think this is some kind of game? No, this is a war, and I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf!

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42. And I knew that you would do that. The meatball parm is their worst sandwich!

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43. Hi there. Dwight Schrute here. I was just calling to see if Michael Scott Paper was meeting all of your paper needs, and how is Brenda, age four, ponytail, and Simon, age 7? Oh, you don't say.

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44. Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, 'great salesman, better friend.' 'Tall' and 'beets.'

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45. And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife. I see you're begging for mercy, huh? Well, you will find none here.

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46. Sure. That'd be fine.

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47. This is war and that is what happens.

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48. Oh, no. No. No. No. No.

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49. Michael! Michael!

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50. Don't let him in! He's a traitor! Michael!

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51. Are you saying you invented paper?

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52. It's not the soil! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil! Aah!

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53. Spin move.

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54. Ha ha! April 13th, 2002.

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55. I barge because I care. April 13th, 2002, that is the date when you tried to switch paper providers for an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased.

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56. La la la! Continuing. Notice my persistence and recall. Continuing! You called Dunder Mifflin, and your order was filled within an hour!

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57. Come on.

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58. What he's not telling you is that he will abandon you.

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59. Thank you, Mr. Schofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh, and tell me, um, how's your gay son?

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60. How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore?

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61. Shame, Jim. I expected more.

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62. It's not your fault. Some people just don't want to be inspired.

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63. Been there, done that.

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64. David Wallace! Hello, we've been expecting you, David Wallace. Charles and I were waiting for you.

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65. Come along, afterthought.

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66. Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.

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67. I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.

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68. No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist.

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69. Five minutes exactly.

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70. Sure thing.

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71. Idiot, we're starting back up. This is Dwight, by the way.

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72. Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something?

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73. There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.

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74. Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.

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75. You know what? Why don't I do it, okay? Michael adores me. I'm the man for this job. Charles, you got my back on this?

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76. Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. Charles.

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77. May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke.

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78. They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.

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79. Quiet you.

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80. You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.

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81. I'm gonna answer Charles first.

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82. Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.

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83. Done.

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84. I'm not-- I'm not following you.

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85. Wh--

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86. Wh--what are you doing?

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87. Wait, what?

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88. Yeah , aren't we getting those clients back?

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89. You were bought out. So the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.

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90. Fresh hot ink.

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91. Trust me, Stanley, you're going to want to read this memo very carefully.

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92. No, no. This goes for all of you. Believe me, you are going to want to heat my words.

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93. When held over heat the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. Urine. It was urine.

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94. Okay, what are you still doing at your desk?

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95. Did you even read the memo?

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96. No, you idiot. There is a code embedded in the memo. Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen, except for Ryan and Pam, and get them down to the warehouse pronto.

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97. Stop doing rhyming poetry. Just tell them, please. God, the simplest thing.

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98. We're in crisis mode here, do you understand? The two unqualified so-called salespeople are being favored because they all failed together. And frankly, I'm not convinced that Michael and Pam didn't have a thing going while they were gone.

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99. No, you're too close.

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100. Stanley, how do you feel about those two taking your clients?

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