Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 35)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 35 of 76

1. You'll fall in love with her.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26451

2. Okay, let's go over the plan again.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26453

3. Your fictitious name?

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26455

4. I am a paper salesman looking for a new job. I find out everything about their expenses and salaries.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26457

5. Then we meet at the Denny's...

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26459

6. ...and then we compare notes.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26461

7. No!

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26463

8. You know how I feel about IHOP.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26464

9. Are you socialist?

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26466

10. I'll have a cup of a coffee.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26468

11. Store only has three employees.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26470

12. It means they are not expanding.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26472

13. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26474

14. No because their sign is centered perfectly above their store. No sign of the sign being moved.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26476

15. Its lunch time, and no sign of anyone coming in or out. Which means they are not taking new customers out to lunch.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26478

16. Which Means they're not acquiring new business. So once again no growth.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26480

17. Oh, it would if they were all cumulous and not cirrostratus.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26482

18. Get your clouds right.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26484

19. So you go in now, I am going to go in exactly ten minutes. We have never met each other. We are complete strangers. Also, we are going to need a signal to bolt out of there if there is danger. Lick ur lips, try it. No, no like this. Good.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26486

20. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26488

21. Hello, I would like to apply for a job.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26518

22. Why don't you just get rid of this guy?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26520

23. I'm your son now; you can visit him on holidays. Dwight Schrute, I'm a paper salesman at a second tier paper company called Dunder Mifflin. I'm the top salesman there and I'm looking for a new challenge. I would say you guys have what, 40 high full volume clients?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26522

24. Pshaw, that's nothing. I've 90 clients myself. You had better look out, someone might run you out of business.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26524

25. Me too.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26526

26. My boss, his insensitivity might border on cruel. This is a man who does not listen to the needs his underlings.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26537

27. It's going very well.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26539

28. Excuse me sir, I took the bus here and was wondering if I could catch a ride home with you in your car.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26558

29. Thank you very much.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26560

30. Thank you for your time I look forward to getting your calls.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26562

31. Cmon.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26566

32. All their top clients I can't believe it.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26568

33. Someone's looking out the window. Go go, Peel out, go.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26570

34. You drove over that. Go back

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26572

35. That's not good.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26574

36. Oh my God.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26576

37. Oh man,

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26578

38. Not good.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26580

39. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26583

40. You've done more then you can possibly know.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26585

41. He drove over the divider and then backed over it and caused the..

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26589

42. How much longer is this going to take?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26594

43. This is disgusting, what is it this, instant?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26598

44. I look forward to hearing from you about that job application.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26603

45. Goodbye prince family, should be called the Sucker family. Here you go shark, let me fix your fin for you and sharpen your teeth while I'm at it. Bye bye.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26605

46. [punches Michael on the arm, beckons to Michael for high five, does not get it, high fives himself, smiles contently]

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26606

47. Its simple, David would use that information to destroy them.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26610

48. They could do better.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26612

49. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26614

50. I'm not familiar with that expression,

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26616

51. It doesn't make sense, of course I'm alive.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26618

52. Michael, you have to. Have you ever seen a lioness devour its cub? Have you ever seen a baboon devour its mate? Have you ever seen a raccoon devour a squirrel?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26620

53. Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael. But it has made some terrible decisions.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26622

54. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26624

55. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26626

56. Yeah, save your heart for love, and use your brain for business, right? If we don't do this to prince paper, someone else will. Worse yet, someone else will do it to us.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26628

57. There was a terrible war, ugh, so many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn't destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26630

58. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26632

59. Good, so, where are you going?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26634

60. Where are you taking the client list?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26636

61. Michael, Michael, no. Michael, give that. Michael, don't do this. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26638

62. Freeze, give me the list!

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26640

63. No no no, I can't let you do this!

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26641

64. Its business, not personal.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26643

65. Its over, Michael, its over.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26645

66. Guess whose stock just went up, golden boy?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26656

67. Last week I gave a fire safety talk. And nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in a lot of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. Today, smoking is gonna save lives.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26661

68. Does anyone smell anything smoky?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26662

69. [clears throat]

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26664

70. Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26668

71. Oh, how did that happen?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26670

72. No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26672

73. What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26674

74. Wait, wait, wait.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26676

75. No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26678

76. Not a viable option.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26681

77. Okay, what's next?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26683

78. Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26685

79. Well, uh, another option.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26687

80. Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching!

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26689

81. Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26693

82. Okay, let's go.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26697

83. Calm, please

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26699

84. Have you ever seen a burn victim?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26701

85. Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26703

86. A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26705

87. What's next?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26707

88. How about 911? Anyone? 911.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26713

89. Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26715

90. Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26725

91. Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. So, what have we learned? Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26727

92. A lot of ideas were not appreciated in their time.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26738

93. Shampoo.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26740

94. I just want to say for the record, I did not kill anyone. Stanley was attacked by his own heart. And he should be released from the hospital and back in the office in a couple days.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26742

95. Yes I shouted 'fire!'. I shouted many things! I also shouted instructions on how to get out of the building, so you can imagine my frustration as safety officer when nobody would heed of what-- heeded--

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26744

96. When no one hedded--

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26746

97. N-no one would take hedded of my instructions.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26748

98. So, you--

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26750

99. And, well, I don't see my co-workers--

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26752

100. Hee-heeding this right now.

     Season 5 · Episode 13 · Line 26754