Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 30)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 30 of 76

1. Have you been introduced to Kevin?

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22119

2. He's here on a special work program. He's slow, you know, in his brain.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22121

3. Yeah.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22123

4. Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22124

5. Accounting department, listen up. Holly, Human Resources. Angela, Oscar, and Kevin.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22125

6. You did.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22291

7. You made me wrap it. I thought it was over the line. I just-

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22293

8. Oh my gosh.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22308

9. Yes.

   Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22311

10. You have it?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22341

11. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Put it in.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22343

12. Mose!

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22347

13. N-nothing you need to know the details of.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22349

14. N-no there's not.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22351

15. It was playful hazing.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22353

16. It's not rabid.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22355

17. Get it out. Come on, get it out. Get it out.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22358

18. Well... it's my own fault.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22466

19. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22512

20. Stop! Don't look at me. On the counter you will find bread, peanut butter, and jelly. Pretend to make yourself a sandwich.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22529

21. Really make one.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22531

22. Will you please? Make a sandwich. Now, according to my sources, you have an issue with the new H.R. woman. Well, so do I. And so does our secret benefactor. That's too much peanut butter. What I propose is a good old-fashioned hazing, and I need your help. If you choose to accept this mission...Wipe the knife off before you stick it in the jelly. Have you ever made a sandwich before? Dammit, Meredith!

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22533

23. The website is hiding, forming alliances with other sites, preparing an attack for which we will have no defense.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22553

24. Yes, I do.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22555

25. Troy! What are you doing here?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22563

26. Where is Ryan?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22565

27. Welcome to our land.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22567

28. Can I get you a tankard of mead?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22569

29. Looks serious.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22575

30. Troy, do you know anything about this?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22578

31. Maybe I do. Enough of your magical riddles!

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22580

32. From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22615

33. No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22619

34. There. Take those home to your wife.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22622

35. Michael, it's time.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22624

36. Hit the scales, everybody. Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22625

37. Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22631

38. Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22634

39. Family only.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22636

40. [forces candy out of vending machine and forces fruit into racks]

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22666

41. Fax this for me.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22687

42. It's not gonna take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. If I don't see you again, goodbye. Well, actually, I'll see you when you give me the fax confirmation, so never mind.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22689

43. Ahh. We done good in there, half pint.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22698

44. Monkey.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22700

45. Let's do this thing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22765

46. OK, can you turn the girl off please? I'm trying to get some work done.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22776

47. Come on, Bernard.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22790

48. All right, we're set.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22792

49. Shotgun weddings.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22807

50. Obesity-caused illnesses.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22812

51. Michael, we have a situation.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22846

52. They should not be in that room.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22847

53. Yeah!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22850

54. Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also Kevin.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22856

55. Party's over. You are so busted!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22863

56. Happy Birthday, Stanley!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22869

57. Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left. And most of you are just as fat as the day we began.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22911

58. I am hardly the problem, Jim.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22913

59. This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. Uhhhhh Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22915

60. Hello Phyllis. Do you have a minute? Listen. I'm really sorry... about what I said before. Ok? I was way out of line.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22925

61. But you know what, I want to make it up to you. There is a sure fire sale, but it's a two man job. Interested?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22927

62. Sixty - forty. Hm? I'll drive.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22929

63. Hey, hey!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22945

64. And you burned over a thousand calories walking home. And this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22948

65. Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? You look great. I can definitely see the difference.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22950

66. No, no, no, it goes, it goes... look, 'I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!'

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22966

67. Vamping.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22968

68. Eh, I've been sitting all day.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22970

69. She should thank me.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22981

70. I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22985

71. We better.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23010

72. Yes, you do.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23015

73. I do not! I do not say 'Hi' Pam!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23017

74. What are you writing about me?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23026

75. I'm gonna write you both up for not working.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23029

76. Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23031

77. [sprays the inside of the vending machine with bug spray]

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23058

78. God. Where is Jim?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23086

79. What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23109

80. Dripping on me.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23115

81. Look what just arrived from the Nashua branch. 'Here's something to enjoy on your three non-vacation days. Nashua branch.' Can I send them a dead deer?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23125

82. Classy.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23127

83. My dream vacation? I sleep in, putter around the farm, go fishing for a few hours, take a long run in the forest, check the traps. Then the sun comes up and I head into work, which is empty, because everyone else is out of town on vacation.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23128

84. Oh, you wish. Hellboy's a hero.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23137

85. All right!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23147

86. Can you not? No sitting devices, Michael's rules.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23152

87. Gah!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23154

88. Will you be able to milk with those implants?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23173

89. Yeah. Easy there, old girl.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23175

90. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23177

91. Careful. Hmm. She was a keeper.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23180

92. Done.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23182

93. She's not a virgin, you know.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23202

94. I got it, I got it.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23212

95. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23231

96. Michael.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23237

97. What should we be working on while you guys are talking?

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23239

98. It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23252

99. Time thief. Time thief! Fire him!

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23265

100. Never!

     Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23267