Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 30)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 30 of 76

1. Have you been introduced to Kevin?

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2. He's here on a special work program. He's slow, you know, in his brain.

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3. Yeah.

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4. Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.

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5. Accounting department, listen up. Holly, Human Resources. Angela, Oscar, and Kevin.

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6. You did.

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7. You made me wrap it. I thought it was over the line. I just-

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8. Oh my gosh.

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9. Yes.

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10. You have it?

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11. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Put it in.

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12. Mose!

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13. N-nothing you need to know the details of.

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14. N-no there's not.

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15. It was playful hazing.

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16. It's not rabid.

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17. Get it out. Come on, get it out. Get it out.

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18. Well... it's my own fault.

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19. What?

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20. Stop! Don't look at me. On the counter you will find bread, peanut butter, and jelly. Pretend to make yourself a sandwich.

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21. Really make one.

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22. Will you please? Make a sandwich. Now, according to my sources, you have an issue with the new H.R. woman. Well, so do I. And so does our secret benefactor. That's too much peanut butter. What I propose is a good old-fashioned hazing, and I need your help. If you choose to accept this mission...Wipe the knife off before you stick it in the jelly. Have you ever made a sandwich before? Dammit, Meredith!

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23. The website is hiding, forming alliances with other sites, preparing an attack for which we will have no defense.

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24. Yes, I do.

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25. Troy! What are you doing here?

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26. Where is Ryan?

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27. Welcome to our land.

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28. Can I get you a tankard of mead?

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29. Looks serious.

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30. Troy, do you know anything about this?

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31. Maybe I do. Enough of your magical riddles!

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32. From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more.

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33. No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.

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34. There. Take those home to your wife.

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35. Michael, it's time.

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36. Hit the scales, everybody. Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up.

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37. Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.

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38. Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.

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39. Family only.

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40. [forces candy out of vending machine and forces fruit into racks]

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41. Fax this for me.

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42. It's not gonna take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. If I don't see you again, goodbye. Well, actually, I'll see you when you give me the fax confirmation, so never mind.

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43. Ahh. We done good in there, half pint.

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44. Monkey.

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45. Let's do this thing.

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46. OK, can you turn the girl off please? I'm trying to get some work done.

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47. Come on, Bernard.

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48. All right, we're set.

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49. Shotgun weddings.

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50. Obesity-caused illnesses.

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51. Michael, we have a situation.

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52. They should not be in that room.

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53. Yeah!

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54. Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also Kevin.

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55. Party's over. You are so busted!

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56. Happy Birthday, Stanley!

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57. Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left. And most of you are just as fat as the day we began.

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58. I am hardly the problem, Jim.

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59. This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. Uhhhhh Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.

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60. Hello Phyllis. Do you have a minute? Listen. I'm really sorry... about what I said before. Ok? I was way out of line.

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61. But you know what, I want to make it up to you. There is a sure fire sale, but it's a two man job. Interested?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22927

62. Sixty - forty. Hm? I'll drive.

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63. Hey, hey!

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64. And you burned over a thousand calories walking home. And this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen!

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65. Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? You look great. I can definitely see the difference.

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66. No, no, no, it goes, it goes... look, 'I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!'

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67. Vamping.

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68. Eh, I've been sitting all day.

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69. She should thank me.

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70. I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise.

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71. We better.

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72. Yes, you do.

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73. I do not! I do not say 'Hi' Pam!

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74. What are you writing about me?

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75. I'm gonna write you both up for not working.

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76. Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working.

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77. [sprays the inside of the vending machine with bug spray]

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78. God. Where is Jim?

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79. What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late.

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80. Dripping on me.

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81. Look what just arrived from the Nashua branch. 'Here's something to enjoy on your three non-vacation days. Nashua branch.' Can I send them a dead deer?

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82. Classy.

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83. My dream vacation? I sleep in, putter around the farm, go fishing for a few hours, take a long run in the forest, check the traps. Then the sun comes up and I head into work, which is empty, because everyone else is out of town on vacation.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23128

84. Oh, you wish. Hellboy's a hero.

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85. All right!

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86. Can you not? No sitting devices, Michael's rules.

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87. Gah!

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88. Will you be able to milk with those implants?

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89. Yeah. Easy there, old girl.

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90. Okay.

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91. Careful. Hmm. She was a keeper.

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92. Done.

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93. She's not a virgin, you know.

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94. I got it, I got it.

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95. Yes.

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96. Michael.

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97. What should we be working on while you guys are talking?

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98. It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.

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99. Time thief. Time thief! Fire him!

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100. Never!

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