Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 32)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 32 of 76

1. Hmm, interviewing skills, sub-par.

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2. On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell. By evaluating their interviewers.

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3. Well, when they get my evaluation we'll see if they're interested.

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4. Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process.'

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5. Interviewer has suspect motives.'

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6. Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth.' Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need.

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7. And you will be hearing from the -

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8. -Cornell Application Department,

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9. And you will not be pleased with the result.

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10. And your affiliation with Cornell -

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11. Will end completely!

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12. That is all sir, you may go.

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13. Where did you get those?

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14. I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this.

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15. Cornell.

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16. You once told me that Andy and I had different strengths. Well, he can't do what I can do. I can get into Cornell, but he doesn't know how to make food and shelter from a golden retriever.

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17. No, but it'll make you respect him less.

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18. I heard someone got engaged, you dog, huh?

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19. Oh, nothing can hurt you now. You're a man in love!

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20. Bring it on.

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21. Sorry.

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22. What does it say?

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23. That's impossible.

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24. I sell more paper than anyone.

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25. Wait, is this a joke? I'm getting that queasy feeling that sometimes accompanies jokes.

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26. No, but that's sometimes part of it.

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27. Impossible to say. I can't see myself.

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28. What are you mumbling about?

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29. None of your business.

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30. Those can't be my scores, Jim. For your information --

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31. I'm being sabotaged.

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32. And I'm going to find that person and punish them.

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33. You're an idiot.

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34. No way.

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35. I didn't say anything

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36. What do you think I am saying to you?!

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37. I've caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. Get a friend, loser.

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38. All right, fine. Brrring.

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39. Hello, this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.

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40. Excellent, then you are in luck, because we are having a limited-time offer only on everything.

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41. What is your name, sir?

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42. Really, that's your real name?

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43. Yes, Michael.

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44. What? No, but I --

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45. Oh, no. What's wrong?

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46. Sorry, Mr. Buttlicker. As I was saying, we're having a limited--

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47. OK, as I was saying, right now we are having --

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48. OK, our prices have never been lower.

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49. ...never been lower!

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50. Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!

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51. He --

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52. Please, Mr. Buttlicker --

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53. Please give me another chance. Mr. Buttlicker.

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54. I have to put you on with my boss.

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55. Yeah!

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56. You are the master.

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57. Don't do it, Michael.

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58. Get in!

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59. Get in!

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60. Shh. They might be listening to us.

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61. They might be listening to us

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62. Customer service might be monitoring this conversation.

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63. You never know. Better safe than sorry.

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64. Who stands to benefit from our downfall?

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65. Could be the mob. But then Dunder-Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering, and there's little evidence of that.

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66. I don't know. Two, maybe three if one wears out. How many shoes do you need?

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67. Who are you talking to?

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68. She's not here, Jim.

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69. Wait, shut up.

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70. Shh. Do you hear that?

    Season 5 · Episode 6 · Line 24732

71. Breathing. Is that you?

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72. Well, stop. Hold your breath. I still hear it. Who's there? Kelly, is that you? Hold on.

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73. Ha!

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74. Hear anything interesting?

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75. I think you know.

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76. What are you up to, girl? Huh? Phyllis put you up to this? Stanley? Are they paying you?

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77. Of course I am. I know you're the mastermind, but you're too stupid to do it by yourself.

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78. Ah!

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79. OK.

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80. The reason that I got bad customer reviews is because I didn't! There is a massive conspiracy going on here, and I know you're involved.

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81. No.

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82. No. Why? No.

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83. Oh, man, I knew it. Who are her co-conspirators?

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84. Obviously. I knew it.

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85. Yeah. What?

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86. I was -- I was right.

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87. I was right.

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88. I knew it.

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89. I knew it the whole time, buddy!

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90. Yeah! Woo-hoo!

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91. I knew it! Yeah! Ha-ha! Woo! Boom! Kelly the whole time. Let's get her.

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92. Let me paint you a picture of a little girl from southern India, who despite being welcomed into this country will now spend the rest of her life in prison for a crime she did commit.

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93. Oh, come on. You juked the stats, cupcake.

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94. We have our confession. I'm calling security.

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95. I want to be here when you fire her ass.

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96. Is that the Matsuhashi B-400? The world's tiniest Bluetooth? May I?

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97. Congratulations on choosing Schrute Farms for your wedding.

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98. Well, then. Why don't you look over some of our materials?

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99. While I describe to you the Excalibur package. In addition to the breathtaking natural beauty and smell of Schrute Farms, I can promise you that our grounds can be catered to fit your exact specifications. I will work tirelessly for you over the coming months and be at your constant disposal. Please feel free to call or stop by, any time of the day or night.

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100. While you, my good friend, have nothing more to worry about. This wedding is officially out of your hands.

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