Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 28)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 28 of 76

1. I'm losing control of my bladder.

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19790

2. Did you say Karen?

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19792

3. Do not tell Karen about the industrial copier.

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19804

4. Listen lady, you can expect these kind of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people.

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19808

5. Then we will burn Utica to the ground.

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19810

6. Wait! I wanted to sit next to you.

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19868

7. Okay, that is so mean! You know what, I'm not going.

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19870

8. Woohoo!

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19872

9. Scranton rules!

   Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19887

10. Pam is down for anything.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19890

11. Yeah. We shoulda brought Andy. I cut a chunk out of my penis for nothing.

    Season 4 · Episode 6 · Quote 19893

12. I'm on it.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19936

13. Let's see if any of these will work.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19938

14. I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, 'Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place.' Well I say, 'It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose.'

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19940

15. Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no, I do not.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19955

16. No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19957

17. I would make sure that you were dead.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19959

18. First, I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19961

19. And they would call me the Overkill Killer.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19963

20. What are you doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19965

21. It would be better if you were unconscious.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19967

22. Do you want to do this right or not?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19969

23. We're here.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19995

24. Here we go. Just the two of us

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19997

25. Here we go, into the wild. Mighty forest. Can you smell the trees and the nature?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19998

26. Keep going, you're fine. Just some bushes and some thickets Keep going. You wanted wilderness, you got it.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19999

27. Good a spot as any.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20007

28. I'm just --

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20009

29. Spin. I'm trying to confuse your sense of direction. Behold.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20011

30. Here's your knife. Here's your duct tape.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20013

31. Good luck, Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20015

32. I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support, but I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20040

33. Michael is a man of great depth and passion. I don't know what he's searching for out here. I hope he finds it. Lunch.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20059

34. About two more minutes.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20061

35. Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is... on.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20075

36. Stop! No, no Michael! Nooo! Nooo! Nooo! Arghh. Get, get them out.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20104

37. You wanted to see me?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20146

38. I'm on it.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20148

39. Jim, Michael's office.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20151

40. Now, Jim!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20153

41. And this... is a Hassenfass. Case-hardened steel. One side, as sharp as you'd ever want something to be. The other side serrated for maximum damage.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20154

42. Look at that. Perfectly balanced. This is a fine precision instrument.

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20156

43. Don't you want a sheath for that?

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20158

44. Anything else? Flint...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20160

45. Parka...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20162

46. Tent, rainfly, gorp...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20164

47. Mmmnnnnmmm...

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 20166

48. All right! What is going on here?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20316

49. I told you.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20319

50. All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, J'rg Ro'kopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20320

51. Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20363

52. Wait a minute, Darryl is the client? ...No, no, no. He works here, dumbass.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20368

53. Thank you Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20473

54. Michael, what time should I be arriving?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20480

55. Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20483

56. Hello.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20658

57. We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20660

58. So can we come in?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20674

59. Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20675

60. Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20677

61. Hey hey hey hey. I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20680

62. Purely carnal and that's all you need to know.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20694

63. Fine. Get outta here.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20718

64. Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK.Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers?

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20722

65. Michael can come home with me.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20734

66. You people. Come on. You're sleeping with me.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20739

67. I'm gonna take you home Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20741

68. Alright.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20743

69. I'll tell you about my ideal dinner party. John Wilkes Booth. Lee Harvey Oswald. Osama Bin Laden. John Wayne Gacy. Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer. 'Oh hey guys, welcome to my home. Oh, here comes the waiter with the soup, hope you guys are hungry.' Meanwhile, the waiter suddenly nods at me. But I don't acknowledge him. But I know he's an assassin because I trained him. Boom. Two minutes later, five dead psychopaths at my dining room table. All that's left to do is dispose of the bodies and collect the reward. Ugh, it's almost too easy.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20751

70. Michael's dinner party is for couples only, which is why I wasn't initially invited. But that was then. I very recently entered into a serious, monogamous relationship. If that idiot ever gets here.

    Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20775

71. Write legibly people.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20860

72. OK, I have collected the rest of the ladies.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20895

73. I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn't have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her and I will bring her to you and as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20897

74. That is fantastic. Thank you, thank you very much. This is just what I needed.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20899

75. The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Wilkes-Barre modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20900

76. She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20902

77. Why don't you sit down? Michael... come on. Here we go. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20904

78. Jim, how dare you.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20907

79. You know what you need? Closure.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20983

80. There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20985

81. Come on. I'll drive.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20987

82. I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20997

83. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 20999

84. She was stoned apparently.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21001

85. You wait until next year's chair catalog comes out and you find someone who's still alive.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21003

86. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21005

87. Rhythm and blues...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21017

88. Okay, so look that over, make sure it's accurate.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21020

89. Your bill, minus the ten percent Dunder Mifflin corporate discount.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21022

90. You occupied the America room for six weeks. That's our most popular room.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21024

91. Right. Because you were in the America room. In an election year.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21026

92. We don't take debit cards, anyway.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21029

93. You've got a ton of dandruff.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21079

94. Taste good too.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21091

95. Wow! Lot of calories.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21093

96. Hey Michael, how was your date last night?

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21095

97. Question.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21116

98. Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow and pretend that a website made sales that I made?

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21118

99. I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21127

100. Yeah!

     Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21164