Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 26)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 26 of 76

1. It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18049

2. Can you call us a cab please, I'm gonna Oops, sorry!

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18052

3. Nice leather, oh my shoes are so muddy!

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18054

4. Excuse me I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with peacons, and we will not be leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The. Turtles. Now!

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5. We'll bill you.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18063

6. Yes, I did, but I do not intend to use it. It is pointless technology.

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7. Printing press. Tractor. Mechanical thresher. Telephone. Airplane. The only inventions that matter.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18125

8. They fall under the category of airplanes.

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9. Correct.

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10. That's an excellent analogy.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18131

11. Vaccines are for chumps!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18134

12. My mom didn't believe in vaccines. I got my smallpox the old-fashioned way. And I survived. So... joke's on you hospitals.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18135

13. That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18185

14. Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18187

15. I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18191

16. You believe a computer can beat me?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18195

17. Well I will prove you wrong.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18197

18. We'll see.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18199

19. Hmm. Very nice. Very nice.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18208

20. Just ignore him.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18212

21. I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18216

22. Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18219

23. Got it. Carb up.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18236

24. Hey, you wanna win? You gotta fuel like a winner.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18238

25. Uhyeaahhh! Hello, Susan? Dwight Schrute.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18240

26. Today I'm prepared to give you 15% off our normal prices.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18242

27. Three reams! Yoohoo... in your face, machines.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18247

28. What if I told you I could offer free shipping? Sure. I'll hold.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18249

29. You tell me.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18251

30. How do I know this isn't Jim?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18254

31. It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18256

32. Ohhhhhh!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18286

33. No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I'm suggesti... you did what? Ah no! That's exactly what you're not supposed to do, damnit! Why would you reorder from a computer when you can have the personal touch of a salesman? Ahhhhh.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18306

34. Fine. Good.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18308

35. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18310

36. I do not look worried.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18312

37. Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read...

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18314

38. What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18328

39. Damnit Kelly! It knows! It knows what you did!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18330

40. Return it! Return it now!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18332

41. Y... You don't understand. If... okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18334

42. I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18341

43. Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you're paying right now? It's not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18342

44. Perfect. So let me just get some basic information from you. Mmmhmm.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18350

45. I'm sorry. Am, so sorry. I... yes. Uh, could you repeat that?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18352

46. Yesss! Ten reams for the US District Court! Did I happen to mention the forty reams for the battered women's shelter?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18353

47. Huh?!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18355

48. Did you see the board?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18357

49. Yes!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18393

50. Woo!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18395

51. Reams. Wait. Say it. Say it again. Announce it again.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18397

52. No no no the first part.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18399

53. Hey. So. What do you think? I did it for you.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18401

54. You didn't have to.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18403

55. I think she's efficient.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18445

56. I hadn't noticed.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18447

57. [impatient sigh]

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18449

58. I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18451

59. No. I think you should date Kelly.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18453

60. Uh, she works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18455

61. I've seen this kid before. He's one the kids who sneaks on my farm and steals my hemp.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18519

62. We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18525

63. What did you just call him?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18532

64. What did you say?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18534

65. I can make him talk, Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18537

66. Listen up kid. I don't like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18557

67. Hey!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18560

68. It's just ice, it'll melt all over the floor.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18570

69. [smiles]

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18606

70. If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18608

71. Ahh-chaa!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18611

72. I'm just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you're going to do something to him.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18613

73. Shut up, or I'm going to punch you in the throat!

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18615

74. You had to, what other choice did you have?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18617

75. Well, yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18619

76. What will you do?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18626

77. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18628

78. So, I'm paying full price?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18630

79. Here we go, sixty-five. You know what? There's two more.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18632

80. Now what?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18635

81. Alright. Oh, I assume I'm going to be reimbursed for the pizzas.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18637

82. Blah.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18650

83. Uhh.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18652

84. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18654

85. Coopers has calamari.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18656

86. Tokyo?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18658

87. Yes.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18660

88. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18662

89. Nice.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18663

90. Woo-hoo.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18665

91. Yum.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18667

92. Later on.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18677

93. And I spent so much time in Scranton and I never sold any paper.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18679

94. I started a fire with my cheese pita.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18681

95. I date Indian girls.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18683

96. Now I've got a beard, and I can do whatever I want, and I'm your boss.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18685

97. I don't get that, I don't understand that.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18687

98. Yeah, let's go.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18690

99. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18692

100. It's called being a man. You should try it sometime.

     Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18694