Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 25)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 25 of 76

1. She's only a cat.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17155

2. Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17157

3. No, I have not.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17160

4. I do not respect her, but I will go.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17162

5. As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17186

6. Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17187

7. Are you a doctor, or a male nurse?

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17192

8. Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17194

9. Just doing my job.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17197

10. So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17205

11. Mm-hmm.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17207

12. No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17209

13. Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17211

14. Oww!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17276

15. You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17278

16. You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17280

17. Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17289

18. Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17291

19. Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17301

20. Mm-hmm.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17355

21. On your marks, get set...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17358

22. You've got nothing to worry about, I put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17382

23. How ya feeling, better?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17396

24. Well you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17398

25. I am a farmer Angela.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17400

26. OK, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, that has no quality of life, that has no utility, a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17402

27. I... I sang her, her favorite songs.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17404

28. It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17406

29. Well I'm not responsible for that!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17408

30. Hey, Oww! It's OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17410

31. It's nothing, I'm robbing her.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17412

32. It's fine. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17414

33. I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. I took care of that cat, the best way I knew how.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17416

34. I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. Well he's not great, but he's pretty good.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17418

35. Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. Huh, Angela?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17421

36. Question: Has anyone recently offended a Gypsy?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17503

37. Mmm.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17507

38. My cousin Mose's best friend was a dog. One day, he was foaming at the mouth, so I had to shoot him dead. Turns out, he had only eaten one of Mose's cream pies. Did I feel bad for killing him? No. That's how you deal with a thief.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17515

39. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17551

40. I don't see it. I think they both could do better.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17567

41. To give you this.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17582

42. It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17584

43. And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you Garbage?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17586

44. You haven't buried her yet?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17588

45. Garbage can be very helpful. OK, he's a youthful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. Look at him.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17590

46. What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17645

47. Got it.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17647

48. Hello.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17708

49. Really?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17710

50. I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17712

51. Oh, yeah. Yes!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17770

52. I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17781

53. Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17807

54. Dry. Delicious.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17809

55. Oh, that's funny.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17811

56. Are you enjoying your mineral water?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17813

57. Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here, it's an old sales trick.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17815

58. No, please don't do this, monkey.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17817

59. Dry rot?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17834

60. Excuse me, Angela. Michael asked me to turn in these reciepts for these gift basket items.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17839

61. You're welcome.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17841

62. Yes... I miss you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17843

63. Fine. Then I just want to be friends.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17846

64. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17848

65. Michael, wait. Let me go.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17894

66. Please, let me go. I need to win those clients back. Please.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17896

67. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17900

68. Thank you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17902

69. Sweet ride, American made. What happened to the Sebring?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17906

70. Ah, that's a pain in the ass.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17908

71. Larry Myers. Left us six months ago for Office Depot.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17910

72. Why do you use that thing? Let's them know where you are at all times.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17912

73. The government, spy satellites, private detectives... exgirlfriends.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17914

74. Yes, yes we know but we just have not gotten over you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17936

75. And we are dedicated to providing you with the very best customer service, the very best personal business relationship we can if you ever decide to come back to us.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17938

76. Please, come back.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17941

77. Remember what we had Larry?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17943

78. I don't know. Sometimes people are just impossible and they make you miserable.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17950

79. Like Angela in accounting.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17952

80. Ugh... no, she's wonderful... at accounting. But she drives me crazy.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17954

81. You don't know?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17976

82. He's not coming back, it's over Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17981

83. Accept it, why would he come back?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17984

84. That's not gonna change his mind. He's moving on. We had our chance and we killed it.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17986

85. Well we're O for six. Last chance is the Elmhurst country club. Other side of the lake, on the southeast side.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17993

86. That's how it goes sometimes, you know? You lose everything and everything falls apart and eventually you die and no one remembers you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17995

87. Wait wait wait! No no no! It means bear right, up there.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17998

88. No no no, look, it means go up to the right, bare right, over the bridge and hook up with 307.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18000

89. It can't mean that! There's a lake there!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18002

90. This is the lake!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18004

91. No, it's--- there's no road here!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18006

92. Remain calm! I have trained for this! Okay, exit the window! Here we go! Look out for leeches! Are you okay?! Swim for it! I got you! Michael! Michael!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18007

93. I got you, I got you!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18009

94. Fine.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18011

95. Did you get the rental insurance? Because that is pretty important too at a time like this.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18013

96. I'll call a cab.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18015

97. Look at that, still works. Old fashioned cell phone.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18017

98. Yes, we need a cab at Lake Scranton, at the end of East Mountain Road, in the lake.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18019

99. Yes!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18021

100. Take a stand!

     Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18023