Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 25)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 25 of 76

1. She's only a cat.

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2. Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat.

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3. No, I have not.

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4. I do not respect her, but I will go.

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5. As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical.

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6. Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.

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7. Are you a doctor, or a male nurse?

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8. Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one.

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9. Just doing my job.

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10. So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine.

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11. Mm-hmm.

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12. No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something.

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13. Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw.

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14. Oww!

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15. You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger.

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16. You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression.

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17. Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control.

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18. Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed.

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19. Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17301

20. Mm-hmm.

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21. On your marks, get set...

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22. You've got nothing to worry about, I put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17382

23. How ya feeling, better?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17396

24. Well you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17398

25. I am a farmer Angela.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17400

26. OK, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, that has no quality of life, that has no utility, a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17402

27. I... I sang her, her favorite songs.

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28. It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep.

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29. Well I'm not responsible for that!

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30. Hey, Oww! It's OK.

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31. It's nothing, I'm robbing her.

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32. It's fine. What?

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33. I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. I took care of that cat, the best way I knew how.

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34. I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. Well he's not great, but he's pretty good.

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35. Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. Huh, Angela?

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36. Question: Has anyone recently offended a Gypsy?

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37. Mmm.

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38. My cousin Mose's best friend was a dog. One day, he was foaming at the mouth, so I had to shoot him dead. Turns out, he had only eaten one of Mose's cream pies. Did I feel bad for killing him? No. That's how you deal with a thief.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17515

39. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17551

40. I don't see it. I think they both could do better.

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41. To give you this.

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42. It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17584

43. And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you Garbage?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17586

44. You haven't buried her yet?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17588

45. Garbage can be very helpful. OK, he's a youthful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. Look at him.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17590

46. What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17645

47. Got it.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17647

48. Hello.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17708

49. Really?

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50. I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.

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51. Oh, yeah. Yes!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17770

52. I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17781

53. Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?

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54. Dry. Delicious.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17809

55. Oh, that's funny.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17811

56. Are you enjoying your mineral water?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17813

57. Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here, it's an old sales trick.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17815

58. No, please don't do this, monkey.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17817

59. Dry rot?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17834

60. Excuse me, Angela. Michael asked me to turn in these reciepts for these gift basket items.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17839

61. You're welcome.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17841

62. Yes... I miss you.

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63. Fine. Then I just want to be friends.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17846

64. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17848

65. Michael, wait. Let me go.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17894

66. Please, let me go. I need to win those clients back. Please.

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67. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17900

68. Thank you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17902

69. Sweet ride, American made. What happened to the Sebring?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17906

70. Ah, that's a pain in the ass.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17908

71. Larry Myers. Left us six months ago for Office Depot.

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72. Why do you use that thing? Let's them know where you are at all times.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17912

73. The government, spy satellites, private detectives... exgirlfriends.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17914

74. Yes, yes we know but we just have not gotten over you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17936

75. And we are dedicated to providing you with the very best customer service, the very best personal business relationship we can if you ever decide to come back to us.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17938

76. Please, come back.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17941

77. Remember what we had Larry?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17943

78. I don't know. Sometimes people are just impossible and they make you miserable.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17950

79. Like Angela in accounting.

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80. Ugh... no, she's wonderful... at accounting. But she drives me crazy.

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81. You don't know?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17976

82. He's not coming back, it's over Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17981

83. Accept it, why would he come back?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17984

84. That's not gonna change his mind. He's moving on. We had our chance and we killed it.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17986

85. Well we're O for six. Last chance is the Elmhurst country club. Other side of the lake, on the southeast side.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17993

86. That's how it goes sometimes, you know? You lose everything and everything falls apart and eventually you die and no one remembers you.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17995

87. Wait wait wait! No no no! It means bear right, up there.

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88. No no no, look, it means go up to the right, bare right, over the bridge and hook up with 307.

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89. It can't mean that! There's a lake there!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18002

90. This is the lake!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18004

91. No, it's--- there's no road here!

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92. Remain calm! I have trained for this! Okay, exit the window! Here we go! Look out for leeches! Are you okay?! Swim for it! I got you! Michael! Michael!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18007

93. I got you, I got you!

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94. Fine.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18011

95. Did you get the rental insurance? Because that is pretty important too at a time like this.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18013

96. I'll call a cab.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18015

97. Look at that, still works. Old fashioned cell phone.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18017

98. Yes, we need a cab at Lake Scranton, at the end of East Mountain Road, in the lake.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18019

99. Yes!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18021

100. Take a stand!

     Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18023