Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 92

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31958

I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma... and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she's better than everybody.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31959

Oh. Ok. Well... hook you up, there.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31961

You're welcome.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31963

Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? Here's the thing. Umm... Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. And women have sex before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have sex and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That's part of life.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31965

Exactly.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31967

I know.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31969

They're gonna name the baby after you, you know. They're gonna call it Meemaw.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31971

Yes, and if it's a boy they will call it Sylvio.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31973

What are you wearing?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31991

Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31993

Ok. That's not appropriate. Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. Ok. Ok. Come on. Let's go.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31995

Dwight, Dwight. Shut up about the farm. It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32000

Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I ball the entire time. I can not watch Pixar.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32004

Yes.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32006

Why?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32008

Oh, my God. Twins. I'm sorry. You understand. Nice to meet you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32010

They're men, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32012

Something is wrong with you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32014

Is that Pam? Hey, have her come out! Have her come out! It would be like Coyote Ugly.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32039

I love you!

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32046

Mmm! It's after midnight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32050

Oh my God. You're not going to be able to talk back.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32055

She'll be sitting home saying, 'Jim... take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bon-bons.' 'And... and clip my toenails.'

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32057

Now you sound like Kermit.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32059

Why don't you take a picture. It'll last longer. God. Can't I get a little privacy?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32071

Hey, good morning. It's about damn time. I haven't gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. Oh my God, Dwight. This room is a pit.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32098

How can you eat like that?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32100

Yeah, I'm hungry, but I'm not going to make a pig out of myself.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32102

She was cute. You know? She was hot. She was very hot. She made love like a tiger.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32104

She was from Europe.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32106

Uh-huh.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32108

No.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32110

Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32112

She's Pam's best friend. You guys could double date. Swap maybe?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32114

No... you're crazy.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32116

She's-- okay. Do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? You have to take x-rays. You have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth. You have to tell kids when to spit and make sure they're not scared when the dentist comes in. It-- it--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32118

I already have my European girlfriend.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32120

Oh, here we go. They asked for cash, but you know... I give them cash every week, so-- how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32139

Hey, hey... He's not sitting with me either. Where are you sitting? You need a seat buddy?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32163

Oh, I wish I was a bridesmaid. Where am I gonna go?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32165

Hey. Hi. Do you--would you have a snack in your purse? You're a mom. I just figured you might have--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32183

Oh! Eww... apricot. Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash or--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32185

Oh... okay. Were you saving it?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32187

I'm sorry. Ugh. Apricot. Made of real apes.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32189

my weekend was bad so far.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32192

I came here hoping to meet somebody. You know, as you do at weddings. End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32194

And... and the love of my life is dating somebody else.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32196

It is a terrible year for love.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32198

I'm thinking about having my sperm frozen.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32200

Um, yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32202

Oh, wow. That sounds hilarious. I do actually. There you go. Use it in good health.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32205

Yes! Yes! I have so much joy... in my heart... right now. How do I look?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32222

Hey Pam, did you see this? It was on You Tube.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 32235

The fundamentals of business. The funda-mentals of business. 'Mental' is part of the word, I have underlined it. Because you're mental, if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32239

Get out.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32241

Yes. So, it all starts with a handshake. But you can't just go right to the selling, you need 'small talk.' What topics can you use for small talk?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32243

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32245

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32247

Yes, what else?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32249

No.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32251

Yeah! That's good! Come on up! Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I have just started conversing and I will say, 'So Meredith, how was your weekend, what did you do?'

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32253

All right...

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32255

Okay, okay. God. What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32257

What?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32259

The fundamentals of business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible, I'm not surprised. Chapter one. The businessman...

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32261

Oh hi. I'm sorry, just a sec. Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper, do you have any idea how valuable my time is?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32263

Do you know how creative space works? Okay I just cancelled my afternoon.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32265

Push free play til tomorrow morning. Hi. Sorry. Crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32267

Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32269

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32271

Yep.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32273

Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32275

There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman, than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32276

Oh yup. Yeah, definitely. All that paper burning up.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32281

Mmhm, I hear you. The truck.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32283

Okay, well.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32285

Do your worst.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32287

Oh, great.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32288

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32290

Nothing, other than once again, I am just thankful that I am a paper salesman.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32292

No Dwight, not everything is a threat.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32294

There is no such things as monsters.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32296

Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? The guy was trying to sell me insurance.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32301

I think, he just seemed like he was just trying to sell me insurance.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32304

He did talk about a fire in the warehouse... and he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32307

Hey, hey hey, calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Ryan, you lived in New York, what do you think?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32311

Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32313

Um it is, Grotti.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32315

Okay too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32324

I'm not gonna lock my door.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32326

It's Grotti. He's following up.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32336

'I feel that you will regret missing this great opportunity to be in business.'

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32338

Yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32340

Yeah. What are my options here? Do I just ignore it, or?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32342

Okay, I'm calling the police.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32344

All right.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32347

Shh!

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32349

That's not gonna happen.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32351

What am I supposed to do here?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32354

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 92)