Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 92

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31958

I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma... and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she's better than everybody.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31959

Oh. Ok. Well... hook you up, there.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31961

You're welcome.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31963

Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? Here's the thing. Umm... Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. And women have sex before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have sex and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That's part of life.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31965

Exactly.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31967

I know.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31969

They're gonna name the baby after you, you know. They're gonna call it Meemaw.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31971

Yes, and if it's a boy they will call it Sylvio.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31973

What are you wearing?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31991

Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31993

Ok. That's not appropriate. Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. Ok. Ok. Come on. Let's go.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31995

Dwight, Dwight. Shut up about the farm. It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32000

Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I ball the entire time. I can not watch Pixar.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32004

Yes.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32006

Why?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32008

Oh, my God. Twins. I'm sorry. You understand. Nice to meet you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32010

They're men, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32012

Something is wrong with you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32014

Is that Pam? Hey, have her come out! Have her come out! It would be like Coyote Ugly.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32039

I love you!

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32046

Mmm! It's after midnight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32050

Oh my God. You're not going to be able to talk back.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32055

She'll be sitting home saying, 'Jim... take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bon-bons.' 'And... and clip my toenails.'

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32057

Now you sound like Kermit.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32059

Why don't you take a picture. It'll last longer. God. Can't I get a little privacy?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32071

Hey, good morning. It's about damn time. I haven't gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. Oh my God, Dwight. This room is a pit.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32098

How can you eat like that?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32100

Yeah, I'm hungry, but I'm not going to make a pig out of myself.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32102

She was cute. You know? She was hot. She was very hot. She made love like a tiger.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32104

She was from Europe.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32106

Uh-huh.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32108

No.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32110

Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32112

She's Pam's best friend. You guys could double date. Swap maybe?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32114

No... you're crazy.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32116

She's-- okay. Do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? You have to take x-rays. You have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth. You have to tell kids when to spit and make sure they're not scared when the dentist comes in. It-- it--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32118

I already have my European girlfriend.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32120

Oh, here we go. They asked for cash, but you know... I give them cash every week, so-- how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32139

Hey, hey... He's not sitting with me either. Where are you sitting? You need a seat buddy?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32163

Oh, I wish I was a bridesmaid. Where am I gonna go?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32165

Hey. Hi. Do you--would you have a snack in your purse? You're a mom. I just figured you might have--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32183

Oh! Eww... apricot. Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash or--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32185

Oh... okay. Were you saving it?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32187

I'm sorry. Ugh. Apricot. Made of real apes.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32189

my weekend was bad so far.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32192

I came here hoping to meet somebody. You know, as you do at weddings. End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32194

And... and the love of my life is dating somebody else.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32196

It is a terrible year for love.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32198

I'm thinking about having my sperm frozen.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32200

Um, yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32202

Oh, wow. That sounds hilarious. I do actually. There you go. Use it in good health.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32205

Yes! Yes! I have so much joy... in my heart... right now. How do I look?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32222

Hey Pam, did you see this? It was on You Tube.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 32235

The fundamentals of business. The funda-mentals of business. 'Mental' is part of the word, I have underlined it. Because you're mental, if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32239

Get out.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32241

Yes. So, it all starts with a handshake. But you can't just go right to the selling, you need 'small talk.' What topics can you use for small talk?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32243

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32245

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32247

Yes, what else?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32249

No.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32251

Yeah! That's good! Come on up! Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I have just started conversing and I will say, 'So Meredith, how was your weekend, what did you do?'

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32253

All right...

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32255

Okay, okay. God. What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32257

What?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32259

The fundamentals of business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible, I'm not surprised. Chapter one. The businessman...

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32261

Oh hi. I'm sorry, just a sec. Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper, do you have any idea how valuable my time is?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32263

Do you know how creative space works? Okay I just cancelled my afternoon.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32265

Push free play til tomorrow morning. Hi. Sorry. Crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32267

Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32269

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32271

Yep.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32273

Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32275

There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman, than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32276

Oh yup. Yeah, definitely. All that paper burning up.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32281

Mmhm, I hear you. The truck.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32283

Okay, well.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32285

Do your worst.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32287

Oh, great.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32288

Mmhm.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32290

Nothing, other than once again, I am just thankful that I am a paper salesman.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32292

No Dwight, not everything is a threat.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32294

There is no such things as monsters.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32296

Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? The guy was trying to sell me insurance.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32301

I think, he just seemed like he was just trying to sell me insurance.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32304

He did talk about a fire in the warehouse... and he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32307

Hey, hey hey, calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Ryan, you lived in New York, what do you think?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32311

Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32313

Um it is, Grotti.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32315

Okay too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32324

I'm not gonna lock my door.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32326

It's Grotti. He's following up.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32336

'I feel that you will regret missing this great opportunity to be in business.'

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32338

Yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32340

Yeah. What are my options here? Do I just ignore it, or?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32342

Okay, I'm calling the police.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32344

All right.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32347

Shh!

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32349

That's not gonna happen.

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32351

What am I supposed to do here?

Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32354

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 92)