Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 89

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30877

Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30879

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30880

I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30882

That and that are the same letter.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30883

No... no. He's holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven't you guessed?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30885

T! Yes! Yes! That is a 'T', and there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30887

Hey, Stanley! Where you goin', big guy? Up to no good?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30888

No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30890

Pays five million dollars. Nudity required.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30892

Did you hear Stanley's having an affair?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30894

Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser...

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30896

[stares at Jim silently, then walks away]

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30898

Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. Stanley, are you having an affair?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30899

So It's not true. Okay, well... ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just... racial profiling gossip.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30901

So stupid!

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30903

I know, I know.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30905

Oh, I bet.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30907

Wait, hold, hold, hold... so it IS true?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30909

Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30911

I'm not saying... a damn thing.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30913

You can count on me.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30915

Oh, that smells good.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30917

Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30919

Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30921

Uh huh. Alright?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30923

How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including 'Stanley is having an affair.' It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30924

Yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30926

Anorexia. She's an anorexatic.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30928

Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30930

I'm worried about Erin, because she's not a very good worker. I don't know how long she's gonna last here.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30931

Yeah. So... and Andy is gay.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30933

Mm hmm.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30935

Did you hear Pam is pregnant?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30936

Yeah!

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30938

Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just... there's no stalking it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30969

Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff... who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30970

Yeah, yeah... you know what? Let's discredit these rumors.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31019

That's not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31021

[quietly leaves room]

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31027

Nowhere.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31030

[reluctantly exits elevator]

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31039

Okay, I made it all up.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31040

Yes.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31043

But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31045

Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31047

Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31049

Okay, okay... here's the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31052

The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that...

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31056

Alright, alright... you know, this is not the truth, and you can't fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31070

Yes. Jim...

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31072

Look at that! That is the inside of your vagina!

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31080

How long have you known about the pregnancy?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31082

A week? A month? A year?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31084

Did you pee on a stick?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31086

You should've told me.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31088

[phone rings, hits speaker button]

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31090

[gasps]

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31092

Oh, oh... yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... oh God.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31094

No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31096

No, no, I can do this.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31098

Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31100

Hey, what up, Cynthia?

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31103

Hold on a second, Cynthia.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31105

Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So... you can't stop love, I guess and quite frankly, I don't think you should ever try.

Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 31107

Yeah?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31116

Yes, Oscar come on in. Close the door if you would. Thank you, thanks so much for talking to me.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31118

I'm going in for a procedure today.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31120

Yeah, it's routine. I'm just a little bit scared.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31122

It is a colonoscopy.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31124

In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation or emotions? Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shaundry?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31126

My main concern, should I have a safe word?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31128

Abso... you know what? I'll do you one better, Sunday, Sunday night.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31131

Ho, Hol, hold on big guy, I'm gonna put it in the mail Sunday night and you'll get it Weds.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31133

Oh right, this thing. I remember now. What's this about?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31137

It's okay with me but he's gonna want me in there.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31139

Really?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31141

Alright, do you mind if it sit this out? I have so much work to do, I feel like I'm gonna blow my brains out.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31143

Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? No, because we are the Three Amigos. And once in awhile one of the Amigos will go off... to the bathroom... while the other two have a secret meeting.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31145

Hey let me escort you to your desk.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31146

You and Jim are close, huh?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31148

Hey, what do you think he and David are talking about? What do you...

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31150

Well, you said good luck to Jim as he walked in.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31152

If you are lying to me right now Pam, your baby is gonna come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31154

I just don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31156

I just don't want you to.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31158

Uh huh, well if he doesn't like it you can tell that SOB that he is fired. Sorry, I'm going into a meeting right now. I will... I love you too. Bye.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31181

Sorry about that. What'd I miss?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31183

Do not mind! Yes, I do! No, I don't. Yes, I do! No, I don't mind. Catch you guys on the flippity flop. Oh this... call waiting. Yeah, uh huh, well you tell the Mayor he just lost six votes.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31185

Yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31187

Nope.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31189

No, I think they're talking about me.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31191

What is Jim telling him? That I can't handle this job? That 's bull crap. That is bull crap. Although, it has been chaotic lately. Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you there has been work everyday. Had to come in on a Saturday. To retrieve... I left my cell phone here.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31193

How are your sales doin'?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31202

Shhh, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in that room, okay?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31206

Wallace had to show up on the one four month period that I'm completely overwhelmed.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31207

You know when they say it's so crazy it just might work? Well, I don't believe that. I say go for the air-tight plan and that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a makeshift cheese cart. It is just elegant.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31208

Be my eyes.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31209

Hey, hey, you must have walked right past me. How you doin'?

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31222

Yes, definitely.

Season 6 · Episode 2 · Line 31224

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 89)