Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 91

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31566

That was good! That was good! Okay, all right. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you, and that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. This--

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31594

My plan-- a man-- panama.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31597

Alright! Let me get this clear! Does everybody want a raise? Alright, everyone wants a raise, so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31603

What about a raise based on merit?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31606

Mm-hmm. Piece of cake. Ryan, obviously the best.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31608

Are you making a--

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31610

Toby.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31622

Just wanted to draw a picture of him.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31624

Alright! Who to pick? Who to pick?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31626

I... will skip a turn.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31628

I need more time.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31630

Hey, what are you guys doing in here?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31636

[leaving his office, hurrying to Jim's office]

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31654

How you doing?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31656

Oh, what are you usually?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31658

Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31660

I know, I know.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31662

Yes, we did.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31664

Um, nothing. I just... I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31666

You're welcome.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31673

Gin.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31675

Just pretend we're not here.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31677

What do you think? I spent all morning on it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31696

It's just a really important day for me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31699

Thanks.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31701

Yes she does. Yes she does. We're all gonna go and we're gonna have a good time.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31716

No.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31718

And, hey, don't embarrass me when we go to Niagara.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31724

Don't. Don't. Don't. You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31726

Yes. I said that yesterday.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31728

Dwight...

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31730

No. No. No. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31733

This is what I'm talking about. When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. This is a very important wedding for the branch. The most important wedding until I get married. So, I want you all on your best behavior or so help me, God. So... I will see you up there in Viagra Falls!

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31735

Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pick up destination in the history of the universe.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31736

Get out of here.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31738

Oh, my God, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31740

There's... a name.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31742

Oh. Well, tell me about Jocelyn.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31744

Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31746

Is that all you have on her?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31748

You're an idiot.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31750

Oh! God! Wow! Oh. I was asleep.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31766

Those glasses are super dark.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31768

Alright. We need some tunes, I think.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31770

You did?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31772

That was nice of you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31774

Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. Delightful. Pop that in.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31776

Are you serious? You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31778

No. No. That's not how it works.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31780

Hello. Reservation for Michael Scott.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31793

Mmm-hmm.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31796

I don't have a reservation but I want a room in the Halpert-Beesly block of rooms.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31798

Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. I need to stay in your room.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31806

I'm staying in your-- Come on, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31808

I would do the same for you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31810

Yes.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31812

Yes... just go--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31814

Oh. Thank God.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31816

Um... no. And you know what? I would say yes but you can't. And I'll tell you why.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31818

If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she's going to get turned off if she looks in he bathroom and sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31820

Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31822

I don't have a room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31824

Ok. 'Oooh. You must pass the dungeon wisdom test.'

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31826

Jerk.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31828

When Mary was denied a room at the inn... Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31829

Hey. Stanley? Can I stay in your room tonight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31831

Not in the same bed. In the other bed.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31833

You... are... kidding me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31835

I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying be careful. Hey, guys. Hey. Could I stay in your room tonight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31837

That's rude.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31840

You are going to be slepping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you just get used to it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31842

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's very conservative. So, mum's the word.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31847

How ya doin'?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31850

Nice to meet you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31852

Who's doing a toast? I would like to go third. Sort of bat clean up and--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31854

[talking quietly, trying not to move his lips]That is seriously going to impeed my ability to hook up with your female relatives.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31856

Didn't move my lips.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31858

Head table, where I belong.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31896

Well, who's that one?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31898

What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31900

They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me... up there. It should be me and Pete. Not Pete and Tom.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31907

That's not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn't gonna make a toast and I'm not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? 'I'm so smart. E=mc... squared. I drive a Smart Car.' That's not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31912

That's a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31914

That's not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31916

And... you... everybody can laugh. It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31918

Yeah. Go ahead.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31920

Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that... they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they're living together, they're having lots of consentual sex--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31928

Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it's just a different sensation.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31930

When you c-- well? Am I wrong? They say it's not different, but it's a different sensation.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31932

When you use something to block-- I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It's not necessarily different for the woman--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31934

...but it's different for the-- ok. Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31936

Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Meemaw, I hope you heard every word.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31938

Jim.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31940

That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31945

I know. I can't believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31947

I have not found that to be the case.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31949

Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31952

There's gonna be a free room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31955

Hi, Meemaw. It's Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31956

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 91)