Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 91

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31566

That was good! That was good! Okay, all right. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you, and that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. This--

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31594

My plan-- a man-- panama.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31597

Alright! Let me get this clear! Does everybody want a raise? Alright, everyone wants a raise, so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31603

What about a raise based on merit?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31606

Mm-hmm. Piece of cake. Ryan, obviously the best.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31608

Are you making a--

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31610

Toby.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31622

Just wanted to draw a picture of him.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31624

Alright! Who to pick? Who to pick?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31626

I... will skip a turn.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31628

I need more time.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31630

Hey, what are you guys doing in here?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31636

[leaving his office, hurrying to Jim's office]

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31654

How you doing?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31656

Oh, what are you usually?

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31658

Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31660

I know, I know.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31662

Yes, we did.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31664

Um, nothing. I just... I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31666

You're welcome.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31673

Gin.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31675

Just pretend we're not here.

Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31677

What do you think? I spent all morning on it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31696

It's just a really important day for me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31699

Thanks.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31701

Yes she does. Yes she does. We're all gonna go and we're gonna have a good time.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31716

No.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31718

And, hey, don't embarrass me when we go to Niagara.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31724

Don't. Don't. Don't. You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31726

Yes. I said that yesterday.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31728

Dwight...

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31730

No. No. No. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31733

This is what I'm talking about. When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. This is a very important wedding for the branch. The most important wedding until I get married. So, I want you all on your best behavior or so help me, God. So... I will see you up there in Viagra Falls!

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31735

Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pick up destination in the history of the universe.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31736

Get out of here.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31738

Oh, my God, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31740

There's... a name.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31742

Oh. Well, tell me about Jocelyn.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31744

Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31746

Is that all you have on her?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31748

You're an idiot.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31750

Oh! God! Wow! Oh. I was asleep.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31766

Those glasses are super dark.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31768

Alright. We need some tunes, I think.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31770

You did?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31772

That was nice of you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31774

Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. Delightful. Pop that in.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31776

Are you serious? You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31778

No. No. That's not how it works.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31780

Hello. Reservation for Michael Scott.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31793

Mmm-hmm.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31796

I don't have a reservation but I want a room in the Halpert-Beesly block of rooms.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31798

Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. I need to stay in your room.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31806

I'm staying in your-- Come on, Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31808

I would do the same for you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31810

Yes.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31812

Yes... just go--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31814

Oh. Thank God.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31816

Um... no. And you know what? I would say yes but you can't. And I'll tell you why.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31818

If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she's going to get turned off if she looks in he bathroom and sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31820

Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31822

I don't have a room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31824

Ok. 'Oooh. You must pass the dungeon wisdom test.'

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31826

Jerk.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31828

When Mary was denied a room at the inn... Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31829

Hey. Stanley? Can I stay in your room tonight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31831

Not in the same bed. In the other bed.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31833

You... are... kidding me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31835

I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying be careful. Hey, guys. Hey. Could I stay in your room tonight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31837

That's rude.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31840

You are going to be slepping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you just get used to it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31842

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's very conservative. So, mum's the word.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31847

How ya doin'?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31850

Nice to meet you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31852

Who's doing a toast? I would like to go third. Sort of bat clean up and--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31854

[talking quietly, trying not to move his lips]That is seriously going to impeed my ability to hook up with your female relatives.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31856

Didn't move my lips.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31858

Head table, where I belong.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31896

Well, who's that one?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31898

What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31900

They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me... up there. It should be me and Pete. Not Pete and Tom.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31907

That's not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn't gonna make a toast and I'm not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? 'I'm so smart. E=mc... squared. I drive a Smart Car.' That's not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31912

That's a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31914

That's not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31916

And... you... everybody can laugh. It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31918

Yeah. Go ahead.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31920

Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that... they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they're living together, they're having lots of consentual sex--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31928

Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it's just a different sensation.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31930

When you c-- well? Am I wrong? They say it's not different, but it's a different sensation.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31932

When you use something to block-- I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It's not necessarily different for the woman--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31934

...but it's different for the-- ok. Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31936

Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Meemaw, I hope you heard every word.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31938

Jim.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31940

That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31945

I know. I can't believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31947

I have not found that to be the case.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31949

Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31952

There's gonna be a free room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31955

Hi, Meemaw. It's Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31956

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 91)