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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 75)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 75 of 122

  1. Mm, no...

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25824

  2. $645.00

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25828

  3. Right.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25830

  4. Because that is how my mind works.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25832

  5. Let's see...

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25837

  6. I don't need $645; I already have $645, more or less.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25839

  7. This is so stupid.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25841

  8. This is so, so stupid. And, God... that's my phone.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25843

  9. To be continued!

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25845

  10. No, I don't-this doesn't change anything. I have a very important decision to make. We need a new copier. We need new chairs. And I need to figure out a way to keep this money without having everybody hate me.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25846

  11. You think it's easy?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25854

  12. Okay, you know what? Why don't you guys deal with it? I am going to get up, and I am going to be out in the common area. But you need to decide; otherwise I'm taking the bonus. All right?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25856

  13. It is a classic management tactic. You have two sides, a deadline, you know that neither of them are gonna concede. What you do is you put 'em in a room, and you just- Hey.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25857

  14. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25860

  15. Good work. I'm proud of you. Mother-

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25863

  16. What did we learn this week? Well, one, thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number two, never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And three, you should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25864

  17. Hey, Phyllis, do I need this invite to get in to the party?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25879

  18. Awesome. I think this is going to be the best Christmas party ever.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25881

  19. Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25896

  20. Cool. My horn can pierce the sky.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25898

  21. This is equal parts scotch, absinthe, rum, gin, vermouth, triple sec, and two packs of Splenda. Call it a one of everything.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25899

  22. Alright... One more time around the block.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25901

  23. Jim, Jim....

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25908

  24. That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25910

  25. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25912

  26. I know.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25914

  27. Oh, so this is what every day would be like if you hadn't left India.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25925

  28. Can not do it then. Monthly dental appointment, soft teeth

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25931

  29. No, no. I celebrate privately.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25934

  30. Why don't we just do it now? We'll do it quickly.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25936

  31. We'll do it quickly.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25938

  32. What if we can't do it quickly? What if we cant do it--

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25940

  33. Hey, shut up. Here we go. Everybody gather up.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25942

  34. An intervention. It's sort of hard to describe, but really its-- it's a coming together... it's a surprise party for people who are-- who have addictions. And you get in their face and you scream at them and you make them feel really badly about themselves. And then they stop.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25943

  35. Okay, how do you feel?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25947

  36. Uck... T.M.I.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25949

  37. Okay, you know what I thought we should do is have a quick intervention and then get back to the party.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25952

  38. I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25954

  39. Yeah, obviously you are. Okay, everybody who thinks that Meredith is an alcoholic please raise your hand.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25956

  40. The aye's have it.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25958

  41. Alright, well, let's look at this a little bit closer then shall we?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25960

  42. Meredith, have you ever used alcohol to alter your mood or deliberately change your state of mind?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25962

  43. Do you sometimes have a drink to celebrate a special occasion or mark a holiday?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25964

  44. Have you ever under the influence of alcohol questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25966

  45. I got it on a website, that's not important.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25968

  46. Okay, you know what Toby? One of my employees is undergoing a crisis and I wish for just once you would take my side on this. I'm doing your job man. Hey, are you texting?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25970

  47. Alcohol is a drag. Yes. Here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to go around the room and have us each express to Meredith how her alcoholism has affected us. I'll begin. This Christmas party is perhaps the best Christmas party I have ever been to, but then you got so drunk that we had to stop and do this. That's how your drinking affected me. Anybody else? Another time when Meredith's drinking affected you? Come on people. If we don't say anything she's not going to get any better. Yes, Kevin.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25972

  48. That's-- you didn't-- you weren't hurt by that.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25974

  49. Okay, no, that's not what we're going for. Who has a problem with Meredith's drinking? It has to bother you. It bothers me. Right? How does it bother you? Dwight, don't you have anything?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25977

  50. Who is going to tell us the latest dirty joke? Who is going to tell us what you watched on television last night?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25980

  51. Was John Belushi fine? Was Bob Hope fine? Hey-- come here. If anything ever happened to you, I would be very angry at myself for not doing all that I could do.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25982

  52. I want you to say I'm an alcoholic.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25984

  53. You can say it as loudly as you want, but we're not going to believe you.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25986

  54. Alright, no, no, no. No. That is the image, I think we can all agree is very disgusting. But you know what, Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow.? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25995

  55. Everyone in this room loves you, but mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire we are not going to help put you out.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25998

  56. Dwight--

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26000

  57. [sighs]...okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26002

  58. Enabler! Enabler, enabler, enabler, enabler, enabler. It's Christmas and we are turning our back on somebody who is asking for help.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26011

  59. You know what the only thing I want for Christmas? I want Meredith to get better. That's my only wish. But you know what? My wishes never come true, so I'm not going to wish that on her. I-- a watch would be nice.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26012

  60. I'll be down in a minute. Could you write down the number of that rehabilitation center that you mentioned?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26022

  61. We did?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26025

  62. Oh, shoot. Oh well, we'll have to go someplace else then I guess.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26027

  63. We could go there, sure.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26029

  64. Yes, yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26031

  65. I have a new place.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26033

  66. It-- yep, recently.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26035

  67. All right.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26037

  68. Yeah, oh there you go.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26039

  69. That's good.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26041

  70. We're party girls.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26043

  71. It's okay. It's all right.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26066

  72. Meredith, we are doing this for your own good. Okay. Come on--

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26068

  73. Here we go. This is gonna be good.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26070

  74. Yes you are.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26072

  75. Shhh... just calm down.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26075

  76. Come on. Shh...

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26077

  77. Here's the door. Here's the door.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26079

  78. Let's start meeting-- Hello. How are you?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26081

  79. I have a deposit. Alcoholic.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26084

  80. So do I sign?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26086

  81. As it turns out you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um... I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26104

  82. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, okay! Twelve miles an hour. Eat that, Carl Lewis!

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26109

  83. No. No, no. There was wind.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26114

  84. Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26116

  85. I want another try. Here we go! Thirty-one! Thirty-one!

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26118

  86. I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26120

  87. Go, Oscar. Thirty-one's my number.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26122

  88. Beat it!

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26124

  89. Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by Chief Financial Officer, David Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And, I'll be honest, I have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26125

  90. Wait, you still don't know...

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26134

  91. You still don't know.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26138

  92. What are you doing?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26140

  93. Andy.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26142

  94. No, what I'm saying is...

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26145

  95. No, that's not it.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26147

  96. How can he still not know?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26150

  97. I can't take it anymore.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26152

  98. I am telling Andy.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26154

  99. Who should it come from, then?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26156

  100. Are you still having intercourse with her?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26158