Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 72)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 72 of 122

1. You're not.

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2. Jimbo, let's do this thang.

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3. Oh, come on.

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4. You too?

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5. Jim, they are a poopy.

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6. No. Yes, I am sure, Jim. It --

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7. I agree.

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8. So let's see what we can find out from reading. Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant.

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9. Arrogance.

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10. And there's our smudgeness.

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11. Here's what's going to happen. I am going to have to fix you, manage you two on a more personal scale, a more micro form of management. Jim, what is that called?

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12. Boom! Yes. Now, Jim is going to be the client. Dwight, you're going to have to sell to him without being aggressive, hostile or difficult. Let's go.

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13. Ask him his name.

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14. Be respectful, Dwight.

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15. It's up to you to change his mind.

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16. Boundaries, Dwight. Come on!

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17. He's hard of -- he's an old man. Let's go.

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18. Stop it! Stop it!

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19. That is totally inappropriate. You never yell at the client. You never yell at the client.

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20. Here we go.

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21. Give me the phone.

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22. Give me the phone.

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23. Give me the phone. Give me the phone.

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24. Hello, this is Michael Scott, regional manager.

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25. Hello, Mr. Buttlicker. How may we help you?

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26. See how it's done? Thank you very much, sir. I don't think you'll regret it. See what I did?

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27. Yes.

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28. ... It's a million-dollar sale.

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29. Why don't you tell us?

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30. Dwight. I was informed by these gentlemen that the reports that you filed may not entirely be accurate.

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31. What's going on?

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32. Kelly.

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33. You cannot say 'I was raped' and expect all of your problems to go away, Kelly. Not again. Don't keep doing that. I'll give you one last chance to come clean. Just tell me what happened.

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34. Don't. Don't. Get away from that, Dwight, please. You know what? She's got a point about you two. You do have a problem dealing with people.

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35. You were lying.

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36. Yes. Jim, Dwight, please excuse us.

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37. I will call you when it is time.

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38. I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. And I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities. Here's what we're gonna do. We are going to sit here for a while, make it look good. And maybe you should cry. Can you make yourself cry?

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39. I think you should do that.

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40. How did I propose, let me see... well, I drove her up to Nashua, and I had the ring, a big 10-carat diamond; it was beautiful. And I got down on my hands and knees, and a shooting star crossed overhead, and it just lit up the diamond like a shooting star. And we were in a restaurant, and I put the diamond into a cheeseburger.

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41. And she took a bite, started to choke. So what do I do? I have CPR training. Go around, start doing the Heimlich.

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42. The ring, 10-carat diamond, pops out of her mouth, hits her shrimp cocktail, right onto her finger. Million-to-one shot. All of the Greek people in the restaurant start screaming 'Opa!' Which means 'congratulations,' so...

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43. I'm pretty much devastated.

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44. Maybe go to Sandals, Jamaica. Or the other Sandals, Jamaica. I just don't want to go by myself.

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45. Why are surveys important? Okay, hypothetical: A man wants to buy 500 reams of....carrots. And, so he's like 'What do I do? Where do I go? Do I go to the insensitive carrot supplier, the insensitive carrot salesman? Or do I go to the nice carrot salesman, who will maybe charge a few cents more per ream of carrot, but guarantee next-day delivery on your carrots? Most companies need their carrots the next day. Now, substitute paper for carrots, and that is why surveys are important.'

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46. Great marks, Phyllis.

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47. I taught Jim and Dwight everything I know about sales. But there are certain things that cannot be taught, and it is these things that I now must teach them.

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48. Attention, all problem sales persons. Jim Halpert... Dwight Schrute...

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49. Intensive one-on-one retraining will begin after lunch. That is all.

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50. Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite.

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51. I am jetting off on an international business trip.

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52. To Can-A-da.

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53. Canada.

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54. My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client and I have always been intrigued by all things international. The women, the pancakes, the man of mystery...

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55. Meredith, I would like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi.

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56. I am ashamed at your naked face. I must cover it with my jacket. You are now sexy in your culture.

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57. I have my passport.

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58. I have my per diem. I already know what I am going to spend this on. I am going to buy a sweater.

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59. Well I'll just... I'll use different money for that.

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60. And business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothing but the best. Actually better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people and to eat, whatever the mind can imagine. I think I am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce.

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61. Well that is all in the past.

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62. They have one of those?

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63. Lets do this!

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64. Two are for souvenirs.

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65. I do. It's right here.

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66. No, I don't want to wear a bra.

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67. Stop it! Stop it!

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68. Okay. Where is my translator?

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69. There he is.

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70. Yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about. That could be you if you hadn't forgotten French. Where is my numbers man?

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71. There we go. Our town car awaits.

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72. Its not just a van.

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73. Dwight, can you get those please?

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74. Welcome to Cribs-the business class edition. Check this out. Mimosa.

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75. Handed to me as I sat down. This was my hot towel. It is still wet.

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76. Take a sip of that.

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77. That good?

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78. Don't drink all of it. Give some to Oscar.

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79. You want one of your own? I can hook you up.

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80. Yes, this is Beth. This is my personal valet/flight attendant and she will be helping me this morning.

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81. Yes...

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82. Get back, get back. Come on, get back to the slums.

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83. Hey... guys, check it out. My own personal DVD player and 20 movies.

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84. Shhhh! Keep it down.

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85. Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? My God, Oscar. Really? Do you have a bag of baby poop in there too, to share with everybody? No, I will be ordering my own food, thank you very much.

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86. Hi.

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87. Um. I'd like to see a menu please.

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88. Oh... okay. Doesn't matter, because I am going to take a nap. I think I am going to use my complimentary blindfold. I will don it... and oh! Look at that. I can't see because I am in a-- GAH!

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89. This is nice. This is nice. Move in here. Very sweet... ah.

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90. Alright.

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91. Very cool.

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92. Okay.

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93. Yes! Wallace said there would be one of those.

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94. Wow!

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95. Wow! Wow, I am blown away by this. I, um... I--ah! This is great, thank you!

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96. A concierge is like the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one, it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered.

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97. Guys, she's in there.

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98. Let's do this.

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99. Excuse me, hello. Concierge Marie. Michael Scott. Good to see you again.

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100. Um, this is my associate uh, from Dunder Mifflin, uh, Oscar Martinez.

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