Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.
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Works in accounting. This is uh, concierge Marie...
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25065
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...who works at our hotel. You look, how do you say, radiant tonight.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25067
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And it is, how do you say, a beautiful night---
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25069
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She's foreign. I am--
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25071
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Oh, thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25073
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Thank you, Andy.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25075
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Everyone is going to end up dying someday. And I think it's better to die with people you like... like Oscar, and Andy, and concierge Marie... than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25078
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How about this one? It's Christmas eve---
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25096
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---and everything's closed and you need to get some dry cleaning done. 12:00 midnight. Where do you go? What do you do? What do you do? Come on! What do you do?
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25098
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Unbelievable! Unbelievable.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25100
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Do you want to get some breakfast or something?
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25141
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Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25143
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Slept like a baby.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25176
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Look, people continue to come back to us time and time again because they feel cared for here. They feel respected and they feel that their needs matter. They are treated like human beings.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25193
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Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25195
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Yeah, we locked him up for two years.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25209
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No. Actually the trip sucked.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25211
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The trip sucked, David. It blew chunks. It was terrible. It was a bad trip.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25213
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I did not like the trip. Well, starting with her airport shuttle which was basically just a van.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25215
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And business class which was basically just coach. And the hotel which sucked big time.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25217
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It was not, it sucked.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25219
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Oh and thanks for the tip on the concerige. That was great. That was great. That was--- that was a---
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25221
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That was a really good choice.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25223
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No, David. You listen to me. Why did you send her away? That--- God. You knew I liked her and you just sent her away. And that--- that was a sucky thing to do man.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25225
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That was a really sucky thing to do.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25227
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Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck. 'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you, even though you just tell him off... right to his face... over the hone. That's respect.
Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25229
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Oh brownies! I'm taking two so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on, much healthier.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25252
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Yeah why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25255
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Heh, okay, weirdo.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25257
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She said she was going to give it to him right now.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25259
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Yeah, they used to.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25261
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Oh, can you imagine?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25263
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Uhhgh.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25265
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I don't know. What?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25267
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Hmmm, dare I? You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. Great practical joke Jim, you got me to go to the annex.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25269
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NOOOO! GOD! No, God, please no! No! No! NOOO!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25271
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Look at him. With his stupid face. Stupid... tan. No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25272
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No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25274
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He looks worse.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25276
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Uh, well I'm afraid not. Toby Flenderson, of H.R., has made a sudden reappearance.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25278
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Not on the surface, no, but I can tell people are disturbed, David.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25280
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Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25282
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I learned a while back that if I don't text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25284
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I did not want to go back to the annex because that is where Holly worked whom I loved.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25286
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That's true. People say it's icky.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25288
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David, wait.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25290
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Is there no way we can get rid of him?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25292
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I have cause. It is be-cause I hate him.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25294
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No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25296
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I don't.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25298
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Don't do that.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25300
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You want to see some really high caliber acting? Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. Hey Toby, great to have you back, man. Seriously, just a, just a real pleasure to see you again.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25330
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You're welcome. Missed you. Missed you as part of our family.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25332
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So Costa Rica that was - did you have fun? That must have been fun.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25334
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Nice beaches, pristine beaches?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25336
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Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25338
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I bet, for you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25340
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Shhh hot, why didn't you get an air-condition--- should have gotten an air-conditioner for yourself.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25342
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Yeah, I am. I am.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25344
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I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil... snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Sream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then, the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25345
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Okay, just summarize.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25346
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That's it, that's it, perfect. We will get him to hit on somebody, and then we will catch him in the act.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25348
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Mm. Me too. Okay, let's get this started.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25350
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What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25352
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For what?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25354
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No, no, no.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25356
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You're the bait for Toby?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25358
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No, for one thing, he's not gay. And if somebody were to be bait it would be Jim. Or Ryan. Or me.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25360
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Yes, sure they do, Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25362
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Pamtown lady sing this song, doo-dah doo-dah. Hello, Pam. Jim may I have a moment with Pam please.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25371
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Oh, oooh his mistress. No. I'm kidding. No one would ever cheat on you; you are the complete package, Pam.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25373
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Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note, and deliver it to Toby Flenderson? I just want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. Do not read it beforehand. Can you do that for me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25375
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Good. N-no no no, don't.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25376
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Pam. Pam, you gave me your word.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25378
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Um, I got some photos from Costa Rica if you want to see them?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25384
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Toby can I see those? Ooh. What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25386
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You mad? You mad at me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25388
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Do you want to do that? You want to hit me, you want to punch me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25390
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Huh? He might do it...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25392
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I dare you to. Come on.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25394
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What's the matter... haaaww!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25396
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Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25399
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No do it, do it. I dare you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25401
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Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25403
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Son of a bitch.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25407
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Just stop it. You haven't done anything helpful all day.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25410
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What's that?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25412
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Frame him?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25414
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I've never framed a man before, have you?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25416
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Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes the ends justify the mean.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25418
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Hello. I've seen you guys around. I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. How you doing? Uhghh, so I guess you know why I'm here? I need to purchase something.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25419
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No. Uh, I wanted--- I wanted to buy some weed? Some...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25421
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Grass, weed?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25423
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I heard you drug--- I heard you dealt.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25425
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I'm not wearing a wire, so...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25427
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How much? How many pounds is it?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25430
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Hey, hey, hey. Hey. I forgot... I forgot...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25446
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Those are real cops, real guns. I wonder what's going on.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25454
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Uh, you know what? I think that this... uh, this is probably a misunderstanding.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25464
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Yeah, let's just cancel this, okay?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25470