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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 69)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 69 of 122

  1. I get a call from Jan and I meet her at the hospital.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23458

  2. I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23460

  3. I checked the route - there are no potholes. Come on, get in here and have the baby.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23462

  4. Andy, would you like to have my baby?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23464

  5. All right, OK. Sorry. Sorry. Here we go. Here we go!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23467

  6. Do it! Do it! Scream! Scream it out, scream it out, scream it out.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23469

  7. Aaaaaaaa!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23471

  8. Just keep pushing...

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23473

  9. I'm right here.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23475

  10. I'm right here, I'm right here.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23477

  11. All right. Dwight. Just push and breathe.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23479

  12. Shhh. No, you can't have it. It's too late.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23481

  13. No. You have to just push it out!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23483

  14. Keep simulating.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23485

  15. OK!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23487

  16. Keep simulating.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23489

  17. Yes, I do!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23491

  18. OK.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23493

  19. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23495

  20. Aaaaaaaa! It's coming! Here we go! Oh! God! Wow! What was on that?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23497

  21. Nice touch. Good. Let's try that again.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23499

  22. It is going to be the happiest day of my life.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23500

  23. Hello ladies, how's my shower going? Phyllis, did you get the live storks?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23501

  24. Damnit, Phyllis! I'm sorry. Damnit, Phyllis. It was hard enough to convince Jan to come. So are we set for refreshments?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23503

  25. She said it is the name of a Viking princess. So...

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23507

  26. I know. I know. It is beautiful. No. Thank you. Is this it? I mean, is this... Two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis, I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I'm not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower. Well you know what, where's my golden shower, Phyllis?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23509

  27. It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it. It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is... it's so bizarre and unnatural, but... it, it happens.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23510

  28. Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don't talk to them.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23517

  29. Make the party. Don't - make the party, please, Phyllis. Pump it!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23519

  30. Ahoy, matey.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23552

  31. Ahoy. So, how you doin'?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23554

  32. Um, listen. Jan Levinson is coming in today, and she is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy - the child of which I have a vested interest. It's all kind of weird. Anyway, she is incredibly... fat and enormous right now - extremely unattractive. And you are, on the other hand, one of the more attractive people in the office. So, while she's here I am going to be acting kind of cold to you. And I am doing this to pay respect to her bloated feelings. And I'm treating Ryan the same way.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23556

  33. So this is Astird.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23566

  34. Oh, OK. Why didn't you call me?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23568

  35. I could have helped.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23570

  36. Oh, man. Him? That guy? He had no sense of humor and I proved him wrong in so many ways.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23572

  37. No, I don't!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23574

  38. Can I hold her?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23576

  39. All right, OK.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23578

  40. I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me, and I think it's because they see me as one of them. But cooler, and with my life put together a little bit. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war. There would be no government, and things could get terrible. It actually, probably - it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23579

  41. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: Assst...

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23580

  42. ...trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You're going to know them for the rest of your life.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23582

  43. Well, he may not be here. Say hello! OK, here we go. Lion King!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23584

  44. OK, come on, let's get our shower on. Conference room, choppity chip chop.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23586

  45. I'm fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all the air out of there when you walk in.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23588

  46. Ready to play some games? Let's do it!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23589

  47. Uh, duh.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23591

  48. No, the baby doesn't ruin anything, Kevin, OK? The baby multiplies the fun. Let's just do what you were going to do.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23593

  49. All right, how about some presents? I want to see some presents. I got this so I can write down for thank-you notes.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23595

  50. Whatta we got?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23597

  51. Oh!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23599

  52. She already has a stroller.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23601

  53. OK, what else?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23605

  54. Hey! Hey, no no no no no no no no. No. No. This is the birth story. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And I should have been there. I should have been there to witness this.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23634

  55. I could have helped.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23635

  56. Uh, yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23637

  57. I usually love babies, but when I held Astrid I just felt... shortchanged.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23639

  58. Phyllis? Could you take-.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23640

  59. Hey guys.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23641

  60. Uh, I need some advice from one baby daddy to another.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23643

  61. Yeah, I a baby daddy. Um, when you first became a baby daddy, did you have an immediate connection with that baby? Like, the first time that you held it, did you find that with your baby baby?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23645

  62. I just saw this baby daddy-

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23647

  63. Why, Darryl, because I'm quote white quote unquote?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23649

  64. Well-

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23651

  65. It's- that's different.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23653

  66. That's not a baby.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23655

  67. Could I?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23657

  68. I was just going to... I was going to talk to Holly, about her hygiene. She smells like old tomatoes and dirt.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23680

  69. Sure you can't stay a little longer?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23683

  70. All right. All right, everybody, we're leaving. Jan and Astrid are leaving.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23685

  71. OK?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23690

  72. Wha - that's, I hate her. Wha - God! Why would you even ask me to - I, I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't, but wha - OK, all right, fine.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23692

  73. All right.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23694

  74. You wanna go out?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23697

  75. I didn't feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23699

  76. Oh! OK!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23719

  77. Seventeen. I say seventeen squares.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23725

  78. Do the boobs!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23727

  79. Hey! HR lady, stop whispering in the corner please. Very rude. You're ruining the party.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23731

  80. Paaam-o-laaaaaa...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23763

  81. Paaam-o-laaaaaa... Miss ya kiddo. Miss you... so much.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23766

  82. Hey.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23767

  83. That was really fun last night.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23769

  84. I'm actually thinking about getting my own set of putt-putt golf clubs.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23771

  85. Yeah?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23773

  86. Oh really?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23775

  87. Well...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23777

  88. I, uh... I let her win.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23779

  89. So, when, um, can I see you again?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23781

  90. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23783

  91. Okay. Oh, wait, oh, tonight's no good. Because I am busy taking you out.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23785

  92. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23787

  93. Wow... Oh, wait a second, I can't tonight...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23789

  94. Tonight's so...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23791

  95. Too many times. It's all good, um, alright, so, good, so, have a nice day.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23793

  96. You're welcome.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23795

  97. In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23796

  98. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23809

  99. Some of what we order depends on whether we're having sex after. Oh, my. Wow, elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're going to have sex tonight?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23811

  100. Okay, so, we do the restaurant thing and then... then... then we can do... We'll just do the restaurant thing first.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23813