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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 69)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 69 of 122

  1. I get a call from Jan and I meet her at the hospital.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23458

  2. I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23460

  3. I checked the route - there are no potholes. Come on, get in here and have the baby.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23462

  4. Andy, would you like to have my baby?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23464

  5. All right, OK. Sorry. Sorry. Here we go. Here we go!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23467

  6. Do it! Do it! Scream! Scream it out, scream it out, scream it out.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23469

  7. Aaaaaaaa!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23471

  8. Just keep pushing...

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23473

  9. I'm right here.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23475

  10. I'm right here, I'm right here.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23477

  11. All right. Dwight. Just push and breathe.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23479

  12. Shhh. No, you can't have it. It's too late.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23481

  13. No. You have to just push it out!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23483

  14. Keep simulating.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23485

  15. OK!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23487

  16. Keep simulating.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23489

  17. Yes, I do!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23491

  18. OK.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23493

  19. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23495

  20. Aaaaaaaa! It's coming! Here we go! Oh! God! Wow! What was on that?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23497

  21. Nice touch. Good. Let's try that again.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23499

  22. It is going to be the happiest day of my life.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23500

  23. Hello ladies, how's my shower going? Phyllis, did you get the live storks?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23501

  24. Damnit, Phyllis! I'm sorry. Damnit, Phyllis. It was hard enough to convince Jan to come. So are we set for refreshments?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23503

  25. She said it is the name of a Viking princess. So...

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23507

  26. I know. I know. It is beautiful. No. Thank you. Is this it? I mean, is this... Two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis, I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I'm not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower. Well you know what, where's my golden shower, Phyllis?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23509

  27. It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it. It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is... it's so bizarre and unnatural, but... it, it happens.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23510

  28. Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don't talk to them.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23517

  29. Make the party. Don't - make the party, please, Phyllis. Pump it!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23519

  30. Ahoy, matey.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23552

  31. Ahoy. So, how you doin'?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23554

  32. Um, listen. Jan Levinson is coming in today, and she is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy - the child of which I have a vested interest. It's all kind of weird. Anyway, she is incredibly... fat and enormous right now - extremely unattractive. And you are, on the other hand, one of the more attractive people in the office. So, while she's here I am going to be acting kind of cold to you. And I am doing this to pay respect to her bloated feelings. And I'm treating Ryan the same way.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23556

  33. So this is Astird.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23566

  34. Oh, OK. Why didn't you call me?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23568

  35. I could have helped.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23570

  36. Oh, man. Him? That guy? He had no sense of humor and I proved him wrong in so many ways.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23572

  37. No, I don't!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23574

  38. Can I hold her?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23576

  39. All right, OK.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23578

  40. I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me, and I think it's because they see me as one of them. But cooler, and with my life put together a little bit. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war. There would be no government, and things could get terrible. It actually, probably - it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23579

  41. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: Assst...

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23580

  42. ...trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You're going to know them for the rest of your life.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23582

  43. Well, he may not be here. Say hello! OK, here we go. Lion King!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23584

  44. OK, come on, let's get our shower on. Conference room, choppity chip chop.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23586

  45. I'm fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all the air out of there when you walk in.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23588

  46. Ready to play some games? Let's do it!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23589

  47. Uh, duh.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23591

  48. No, the baby doesn't ruin anything, Kevin, OK? The baby multiplies the fun. Let's just do what you were going to do.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23593

  49. All right, how about some presents? I want to see some presents. I got this so I can write down for thank-you notes.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23595

  50. Whatta we got?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23597

  51. Oh!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23599

  52. She already has a stroller.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23601

  53. OK, what else?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23605

  54. Hey! Hey, no no no no no no no no. No. No. This is the birth story. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And I should have been there. I should have been there to witness this.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23634

  55. I could have helped.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23635

  56. Uh, yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23637

  57. I usually love babies, but when I held Astrid I just felt... shortchanged.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23639

  58. Phyllis? Could you take-.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23640

  59. Hey guys.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23641

  60. Uh, I need some advice from one baby daddy to another.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23643

  61. Yeah, I a baby daddy. Um, when you first became a baby daddy, did you have an immediate connection with that baby? Like, the first time that you held it, did you find that with your baby baby?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23645

  62. I just saw this baby daddy-

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23647

  63. Why, Darryl, because I'm quote white quote unquote?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23649

  64. Well-

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23651

  65. It's- that's different.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23653

  66. That's not a baby.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23655

  67. Could I?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23657

  68. I was just going to... I was going to talk to Holly, about her hygiene. She smells like old tomatoes and dirt.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23680

  69. Sure you can't stay a little longer?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23683

  70. All right. All right, everybody, we're leaving. Jan and Astrid are leaving.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23685

  71. OK?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23690

  72. Wha - that's, I hate her. Wha - God! Why would you even ask me to - I, I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't, but wha - OK, all right, fine.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23692

  73. All right.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23694

  74. You wanna go out?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23697

  75. I didn't feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23699

  76. Oh! OK!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23719

  77. Seventeen. I say seventeen squares.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23725

  78. Do the boobs!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23727

  79. Hey! HR lady, stop whispering in the corner please. Very rude. You're ruining the party.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23731

  80. Paaam-o-laaaaaa...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23763

  81. Paaam-o-laaaaaa... Miss ya kiddo. Miss you... so much.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23766

  82. Hey.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23767

  83. That was really fun last night.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23769

  84. I'm actually thinking about getting my own set of putt-putt golf clubs.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23771

  85. Yeah?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23773

  86. Oh really?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23775

  87. Well...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23777

  88. I, uh... I let her win.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23779

  89. So, when, um, can I see you again?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23781

  90. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23783

  91. Okay. Oh, wait, oh, tonight's no good. Because I am busy taking you out.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23785

  92. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23787

  93. Wow... Oh, wait a second, I can't tonight...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23789

  94. Tonight's so...

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23791

  95. Too many times. It's all good, um, alright, so, good, so, have a nice day.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23793

  96. You're welcome.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23795

  97. In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23796

  98. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23809

  99. Some of what we order depends on whether we're having sex after. Oh, my. Wow, elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're going to have sex tonight?

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23811

  100. Okay, so, we do the restaurant thing and then... then... then we can do... We'll just do the restaurant thing first.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Quote 23813