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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 67)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 67 of 122

  1. No, I will ex-squeeze you.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22629

  2. OK everybody. Get used to this because we are going to be standing here briefly every Monday for the next seven Mondays.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22630

  3. Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22635

  4. Jimbo.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22651

  5. Did you see Holly's butt?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22653

  6. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22655

  7. I know.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22657

  8. I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read 'Lonesome Dove' three times.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22659

  9. And that her butt refuses to quit!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22661

  10. You have to agree with me. That's insane.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22663

  11. I thought you had to pee.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22665

  12. Hey, hey! Pam, Pam! Hey!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22702

  13. I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you just please wait till I go get it?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22704

  14. No. OK. Um, the last word is 'seagulls.'

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22706

  15. I took a lot from other poems.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22708

  16. All right, call--

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22712

  17. OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Same places as last week.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22715

  18. Yes, it does. No, this is about weight displacement. We have to have the same weight distribution. Right here. Here we go. Let's move that up. Here we go.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22717

  19. All right.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22719

  20. All right!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22721

  21. I'm MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She's DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22723

  22. Hi, Jan. Hello, baby. How are you? Good to see you. Who's your daddy? You don't know who your daddy is, do you? No, you don't. Come on. Let's go in.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22743

  23. No way. No way. Pam Beesley. Hello. Hey, everybody look, Pam. Pam, say hi. Say hi to Pam. Don't we all look skinny? Oh, oh, almost dropped you!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22777

  24. Pam, I'd like you to meet Ronnie. We call her Rice-a-Ronnie. She is hilarious. She is wonderful, a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22779

  25. Oh, calm down, weirdo. It's just a joke. She's such a weirdo! You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam? She can't find those little colored paper clips that I like so much. Will you help her find them, please?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22781

  26. Let's go. We are following Pam to the supply shelf. Let us go.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22783

  27. OK, everybody, let's suck in our guts.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22785

  28. Damn it. Come on.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22787

  29. Here we go. Everybody on.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22791

  30. How's it going?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22798

  31. Good.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22800

  32. Cake? Who suggested cake?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22802

  33. Are you kidding me? We only lost one pound, Phyllis.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22804

  34. What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went -- I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22805

  35. Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22806

  36. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22810

  37. Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22813

  38. Yes, all right. Who else? Can I put you down for 10 pounds?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22815

  39. If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22817

  40. This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22819

  41. Booty call.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22821

  42. Here.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22823

  43. Wait a second. I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22825

  44. You want more?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22827

  45. It's a pretty lame party.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22839

  46. You know what we should do? We should have a party and not invite them.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22849

  47. Let's go mini-golfing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22851

  48. Uh...

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22853

  49. Um, I think you'll have fun. Men from Scranton are handsome, and they know how to show a woman a good time.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22855

  50. You know what? We're pretty much done here today. Why don't you just take off early?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22857

  51. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22859

  52. Good luck.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22861

  53. Oh, Holly doesn't need luck. Everyone that meets her instantly loves her.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22862

  54. OK, everybody. Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22864

  55. And what is that?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22866

  56. You know, we're gonna have to try a little harder if we are going to win this thing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22868

  57. Ronnie was bleh. Things were at an all time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency and I told them I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard. Give him to me. I want him. I need him.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22877

  58. I did!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22879

  59. Yes. Gooooo-tee!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22881

  60. Hey, you know what? I can't do this by myself people! Kelly and I are the only ones who have either passed out or almost passed out.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22896

  61. [groans painfully]

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22903

  62. Mmm--- mmm... Um...

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22905

  63. Close the door. This is your fault.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22906

  64. Your stupid friend zone.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22908

  65. I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty! Wh--- You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22910

  66. Mmm-hmm. Saunas.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22932

  67. Gah, the dreadmill.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22934

  68. Ohhhh! Bang! Boom! Say Clump! Why hello everybody!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22953

  69. I say, I say, I say, I say down Holly! I'll take it from here. I am beautiful. They are beautiful. He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22956

  70. It's my sumo suit. I just didn't inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22957

  71. Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22958

  72. If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, 'Why are you dressed in a plus sized suit?'

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22960

  73. How do you know Michael Clump?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22962

  74. How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22964

  75. No, no, no, NO, no! You know what? Fat people are not monsters! Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject. Bang! Boom! Case in point! Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside... and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22967

  76. Hey! Why don't you just sit down, please?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22969

  77. We're doing this because of you. So why don't you just go stand somewhere else. Hey. Hey. You shaved?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22971

  78. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22973

  79. Dwight, I would like you to apologize to this beautiful, beautiful woman for forcing her to walk five miles, which for her is basically a death march.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22980

  80. Ok Phyllis, thank Dwight first.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22982

  81. You're right, you're right. Just, Dwight, do it. Just say it ok.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22984

  82. Finally. Right? Ok, Phyllis you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. Why don't you have a seat? Let's all clap at Phyllis. Ok! When Michael Clump wants to remind you that corporate... their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight, but more importantly what this whole thing is about, this contest is really about being healthy. And in order to be healthy, you have to eat, Kelly. Kelly. Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. Come on, stand up on your chair. Stand up, stand up, stand up. Somebody help her. Here we go. Ok, I want you to look at her. She's a beautiful Indian woman. Why? What makes her beautiful?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22986

  83. Ok, be more specific.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22989

  84. What about her looks?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22992

  85. Kelly, will you just agree to stop this mess and stop trying to kill yourself?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22996

  86. I want you to know. Kelly, look at me! I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are truly, truly beautiful. Give me a hug. Mmmmmm.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22998

  87. Hey Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. I am goateeless. We are the goateeless brothers.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23000

  88. Ahaha, Yep!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23002

  89. Oscar, enough with the girl talk please.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23006

  90. Hey!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23008

  91. Excellent! Good job.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23011

  92. Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23036

  93. No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23038

  94. Really?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23040

  95. Aach.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23042

  96. I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23044

  97. Ugh.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23046

  98. Wait, do we have until the end of the day?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23048

  99. Hey, is that healthy food?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23052

  100. We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23054