Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 67)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 67 of 122

1. No, I will ex-squeeze you.

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22629

2. OK everybody. Get used to this because we are going to be standing here briefly every Monday for the next seven Mondays.

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22630

3. Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22635

4. Jimbo.

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22651

5. Did you see Holly's butt?

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22653

6. Why?

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22655

7. I know.

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22657

8. I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read 'Lonesome Dove' three times.

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22659

9. And that her butt refuses to quit!

   Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22661

10. You have to agree with me. That's insane.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22663

11. I thought you had to pee.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22665

12. Hey, hey! Pam, Pam! Hey!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22702

13. I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you just please wait till I go get it?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22704

14. No. OK. Um, the last word is 'seagulls.'

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22706

15. I took a lot from other poems.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22708

16. All right, call--

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22712

17. OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Same places as last week.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22715

18. Yes, it does. No, this is about weight displacement. We have to have the same weight distribution. Right here. Here we go. Let's move that up. Here we go.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22717

19. All right.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22719

20. All right!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22721

21. I'm MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She's DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22723

22. Hi, Jan. Hello, baby. How are you? Good to see you. Who's your daddy? You don't know who your daddy is, do you? No, you don't. Come on. Let's go in.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22743

23. No way. No way. Pam Beesley. Hello. Hey, everybody look, Pam. Pam, say hi. Say hi to Pam. Don't we all look skinny? Oh, oh, almost dropped you!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22777

24. Pam, I'd like you to meet Ronnie. We call her Rice-a-Ronnie. She is hilarious. She is wonderful, a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22779

25. Oh, calm down, weirdo. It's just a joke. She's such a weirdo! You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam? She can't find those little colored paper clips that I like so much. Will you help her find them, please?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22781

26. Let's go. We are following Pam to the supply shelf. Let us go.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22783

27. OK, everybody, let's suck in our guts.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22785

28. Damn it. Come on.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22787

29. Here we go. Everybody on.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22791

30. How's it going?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22798

31. Good.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22800

32. Cake? Who suggested cake?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22802

33. Are you kidding me? We only lost one pound, Phyllis.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22804

34. What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went -- I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22805

35. Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22806

36. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22810

37. Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22813

38. Yes, all right. Who else? Can I put you down for 10 pounds?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22815

39. If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22817

40. This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22819

41. Booty call.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22821

42. Here.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22823

43. Wait a second. I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22825

44. You want more?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22827

45. It's a pretty lame party.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22839

46. You know what we should do? We should have a party and not invite them.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22849

47. Let's go mini-golfing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22851

48. Uh...

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22853

49. Um, I think you'll have fun. Men from Scranton are handsome, and they know how to show a woman a good time.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22855

50. You know what? We're pretty much done here today. Why don't you just take off early?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22857

51. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22859

52. Good luck.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22861

53. Oh, Holly doesn't need luck. Everyone that meets her instantly loves her.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22862

54. OK, everybody. Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22864

55. And what is that?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22866

56. You know, we're gonna have to try a little harder if we are going to win this thing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22868

57. Ronnie was bleh. Things were at an all time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency and I told them I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard. Give him to me. I want him. I need him.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22877

58. I did!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22879

59. Yes. Gooooo-tee!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22881

60. Hey, you know what? I can't do this by myself people! Kelly and I are the only ones who have either passed out or almost passed out.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22896

61. [groans painfully]

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22903

62. Mmm--- mmm... Um...

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22905

63. Close the door. This is your fault.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22906

64. Your stupid friend zone.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22908

65. I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty! Wh--- You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22910

66. Mmm-hmm. Saunas.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22932

67. Gah, the dreadmill.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22934

68. Ohhhh! Bang! Boom! Say Clump! Why hello everybody!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22953

69. I say, I say, I say, I say down Holly! I'll take it from here. I am beautiful. They are beautiful. He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22956

70. It's my sumo suit. I just didn't inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22957

71. Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22958

72. If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, 'Why are you dressed in a plus sized suit?'

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22960

73. How do you know Michael Clump?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22962

74. How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22964

75. No, no, no, NO, no! You know what? Fat people are not monsters! Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject. Bang! Boom! Case in point! Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside... and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22967

76. Hey! Why don't you just sit down, please?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22969

77. We're doing this because of you. So why don't you just go stand somewhere else. Hey. Hey. You shaved?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22971

78. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22973

79. Dwight, I would like you to apologize to this beautiful, beautiful woman for forcing her to walk five miles, which for her is basically a death march.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22980

80. Ok Phyllis, thank Dwight first.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22982

81. You're right, you're right. Just, Dwight, do it. Just say it ok.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22984

82. Finally. Right? Ok, Phyllis you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. Why don't you have a seat? Let's all clap at Phyllis. Ok! When Michael Clump wants to remind you that corporate... their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight, but more importantly what this whole thing is about, this contest is really about being healthy. And in order to be healthy, you have to eat, Kelly. Kelly. Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. Come on, stand up on your chair. Stand up, stand up, stand up. Somebody help her. Here we go. Ok, I want you to look at her. She's a beautiful Indian woman. Why? What makes her beautiful?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22986

83. Ok, be more specific.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22989

84. What about her looks?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22992

85. Kelly, will you just agree to stop this mess and stop trying to kill yourself?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22996

86. I want you to know. Kelly, look at me! I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are truly, truly beautiful. Give me a hug. Mmmmmm.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22998

87. Hey Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. I am goateeless. We are the goateeless brothers.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23000

88. Ahaha, Yep!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23002

89. Oscar, enough with the girl talk please.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23006

90. Hey!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23008

91. Excellent! Good job.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23011

92. Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23036

93. No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23038

94. Really?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23040

95. Aach.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23042

96. I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23044

97. Ugh.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23046

98. Wait, do we have until the end of the day?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23048

99. Hey, is that healthy food?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23052

100. We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please?

     Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23054