Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 66)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 66 of 122

1. Um, no, no, no. This is very boring stuff. Why don't you take a tour? Have you seen the baler?

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2. Okay.

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3. Um... Alright, well then, I will proceed. I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um... Who do you think you are?

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4. Yeah. Correct. Um... What gives-what-what gives you the right?

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5. Sure. You know what? That sounds good. I'll take a little look-see.

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6. Thank you. What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?

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7. Well, no no no no no...

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8. No no no no no. I'm not asking it. I'm just reading it out loud.

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9. I'll kill you.

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10. Oh, no no no, no, no. No, this-hey, hey, hey, hey, this might not be what I think... that I don't even know is in there, because there are a lot of presents in my car, and I don't know which is which...

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11. What the hell is that?

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12. That's... What do you mean, 'Michael'? That's not even my handwriting. Hey! What the hell is going on here?! Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going-away gift?!

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13. No!

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14. Okay, you know what that is? You know what that is? That is... a psyche. Psyche. So, that is not my real gift to Toby.

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15. My gift is forthcoming, Pam.

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16. I am going to give Toby...

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17. ...Yes, I am. That was it. How did you know that?

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18. How did you know?

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19. Well... That's my watch.

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20. Hey, that's good.

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21. Oh my God. Ryan... Oh my God.

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22. I'm just worried about my friend.

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23. Just, I'm fine. I'm holding it together. I-I have a business to run.

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24. I'm cool.

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25. Holly is sweet and simple, like a lady baker. I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here. She has that kind of warmth. I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level.

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26. No antigravity machine, huh?

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27. Ferris wheel's pretty cool though.

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28. That's what she... a lot of places are like that.

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29. Thanks.

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30. I like, uh...

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31. Hey. What are you doing?

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32. What the hell is going on here?!

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33. There is a raccoon in the car, Dwight!

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34. Why did you do that?

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35. No. There is no such thing as playful hazing. Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now. Everybody, I want you to look at Holly right now, and maybe if you look at her deeply enough, you will see what I see in her. And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here. Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II. Fifty years, she is the best. Take care of that, all right?

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36. Shh...

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37. I'm really sorry.

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38. Yeah...

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39. Did you see that! Did you see it? Did you see what... wow-wee! Uh, well, Jan didn't believe in showing affection, so... sometimes I don't know how to react when a girl touches me. Oh... I like it!

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40. Alright! Let's hear it for Darryl and his band. You know what? Let's also give a shout-out to Phyllis for this awesome party, huh?

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41. Probably the best one that we have ever had, right? But the real reason that we are here, is to say goodbye to a guy who we will probably never ever see again. Now, a lot of you know that I am an accomplished songwriter.

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42. I have done things like um, 'Beers in Heaven.'

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43. Or, 'Total Eclipse of the Fart.'

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44. I love to sing them, but I am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for Toby. Do you know, um, 'Goodbye Stranger'? Supertramp?

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45. It was early morning yesterday... I was up before the dawn... and I really have enjoyed my stay... Toby must be movin' on.

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46. Goodbye Toby, it's been nice. Hope you find your paradise...

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47. Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby's goin' away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by!

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48. Oh, hey. Thanks.

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49. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, actu-too soon. It's uh, it's uh, very sexual. Sorry. Kevin. Kevin, where are you? You missed my song, buddy.

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50. Just pay for it and we'll reimburse you when you get back.

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51. What is it?

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52. Yeah. He's at the supermarket and he needs me.

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53. Yeah, that's true. Don't move a muscle. I will be back momentarily, all right? No, you can drink-you can finish your drink and then I'll-okay, I'll be back.

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54. O-kay. Hello Jan.

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55. Wow, Kevin, really? We're- Sorry. We're in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here?

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56. Oh, okay.

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57. Thanks, Kevin. Um...

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58. Wow. I can't believe it! Look at you! Are you nauseous?

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59. Do you-do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecea, or my Accutane, did you?

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60. Good. Good. Thank God.

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61. Cause that's...

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62. Wow, I am so happy. I am so deliriously happy...

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63. Because you're pregnant, and because it obviously happened when we were together. And, I am very...

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64. ... proud.

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65. Um...

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66. You cheated on me... when I specifically asked you not to?

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67. Well, okay...

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68. So it's mine, and it's not somebody else's, so... I know... the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so...

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69. You did?

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70. When we were going out?

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71. W-I don't understand. You always used to be very cautious... I'd wear two condoms.

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72. You'd rather have somebody else's sperm than my sperm?

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73. IHop.

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74. I'm glad you told me.

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75. Um, I'll... I have to think about it.

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76. My whole life, I have known two things: I love sex, and I want to have kids. And I always thought that those two things would go hand in hand, but now, I think it might be one or the other.

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77. Hey.

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78. Yeah?

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79. Oh, wow.

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80. Well, I can see Andy proposing to Angela. I can also see him proposing to Oscar. Oh...

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81. Oh, um, well, you know what? You should go to the Glider Diner. Ask Stanley about that. Practically lives there.

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82. Have a good night.

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83. Bye.

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84. Well this is it. I am here to see you off.

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85. Sorry. Corporate policy.

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86. You might take something.

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87. Okay, security guard.

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88. Okay.

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89. Hi, Jan, it's Michael. I just um, I just want to let you know that I am going to go to your Lamaze class tomorrow. Um, and if there's any details you need to fill me in on, like... what exactly Lamaze is, that would be great. And I... will see you tomorrow morning. I am going to be... kind of a daddy.

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90. Oh, my God.

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91. Toby Flenderson, come on up here.

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92. Come on, no, no, no.

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93. Toby!

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94. Toby has written a fantastic speech for you, he spent a year on it. It's very funny and charming and heartwarming. And it rhymes, and if it's not any good, he has instructed us all to storm the stage and beat him to a bloody pulp. No! So, take it away, Toby! Whoo!

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95. Ach, okay, okay, play the cutoff music.

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96. Blah, blah, blah, blah...

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97. ...blah, blah, overstaying your welcome! Let's keep it moving! Let's keep it moving! Toby, everybody!

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98. All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up.

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99. This summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest between the branches. Whichever branch loses the most weight gets three extra vacation days.

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100. Dwight, Dwight!

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