thedundies.com

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 64)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 64 of 122

  1. Other than me.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21572

  2. I never said you could do that.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21574

  3. I...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21576

  4. Okay, I will think about it.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21578

  5. No.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21580

  6. Hey.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21594

  7. Darryl, have you ever been in a gang?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21596

  8. It's an advice question, and if you don't wanna talk about it, I completely understand. It's, um...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21598

  9. I know, it's very, very personal...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21600

  10. I knew it. Okay, who we talking about here? Crips? Bloods?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21602

  11. God.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21604

  12. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21606

  13. Okay, so dig this: you're on the street, and one of your gang disses you.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21608

  14. Yeah, right, so what do you do to get them to make it right?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21610

  15. What is that?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21612

  16. Really?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21614

  17. I would've never thought that gangs would be tickling each other.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21616

  18. Okay, everybody, shh! So, earlier today, Stanley sassed me, and Toby gave me some suggestions on how to discipline him. They did not work, obviously, because they were stupid, so I am now going to fake fire him.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21640

  19. It's like a mock execution.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21642

  20. Yes it is a good idea. It's the only possible solution I have left.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21644

  21. No, okay... I've had enough of you.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21646

  22. Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21648

  23. I'm not firing him. I'm not, I need you to act like I am firing him. Just, what I'm going to do, is I'm going to pretend that I am firing him, and I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. He needs to learn humility, alright? That's all I'm, okay, here he comes. Let's just... play act. Stanley, may I talk to you for a second?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21650

  24. Stanley Hudson, you are fired.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21651

  25. I am serious, we are all serious. You are fired like a heart attack.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21653

  26. Hmm.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21655

  27. Alright alright, okay, you know what? Now you know how I feel. This was a fake firing. Lesson learned. Good work, everybody. Very nice.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21657

  28. That's it. And uh... do you have anything to say to me?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21659

  29. Okay...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21661

  30. Yes.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21663

  31. That's not-

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21665

  32. All right, all right...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21667

  33. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21669

  34. Hey, STOP IT! Okay, everybody out.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21671

  35. Everybody, except Stanley.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21673

  36. I don't understand why you keep picking on me.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21679

  37. You just, do, and I don't know why, so... please help me understand.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21681

  38. Well Stanley, maybe you're feeling that you don't respect me because you don't know me very well.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21683

  39. All right, you don't respect me. I accept that. But listen to me, you can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. I am your boss. Can't allow it.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21685

  40. I am good person, and sometimes, good people don't get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got not respect. My wife likes to talk after sex, so she called me from a hotel room, and said, 'I don't respect you!' Ahh, thoughtless. Aw, you know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? My wife don't get no respect, some--take her, please, for example. If you don't get no respect, you might be redneck. Respect is niiice. Borat. What's the deal with Grapenuts? No grapes, no nuts. I don't get no respect!

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21687

  41. So I'm thinking, as a reward for our loyal clients, that we contact their assistants, and we find out where they live. And then, we go to their houses, in the middle of the summer, and go caroling. It is a summer Christmas sale-abration. And we call it, a summer sales-a-lot. Feedback? Anybody? Stanley?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21688

  42. Dammit, Phyllis. Alright, everybody out except Phyllis.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21691

  43. You know, I don't care what he did to me. He's mean to other people, that's what gets me. He's just...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21692

  44. Everybody. He just, he's always, he's always talking about people behind their backs to me.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21694

  45. Like that people are stupid, and that they're idiots, and that they're sluts.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21696

  46. Because he's mean. He's, he's like a really mean-spirited guy. He talks about how gay Oscar is...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21698

  47. And that Angela's a midget, and that your chin is too big.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21700

  48. I know, I know. I think it's tiny. I think it's too small if anything. And that your glasses make you look ugly.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21702

  49. Well, he's just mean.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21704

  50. It's complicated, Pam. I mean, the world looks a lot easier from behind your reception desk.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21706

  51. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21709

  52. I put Stanley on a pedestal, for a long time. But sometimes he can just be a big, fat jerk. I... jerks don't deserve to be on pedestals. Jerks should be placed up somewhere where everybody can see how jerky they are. Big marble... jerk stand.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21710

  53. Pam, stand up.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21711

  54. Pretty disgusting.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21714

  55. Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21745

  56. Yeah, I'm pretty excited too.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21747

  57. Today I'm heading over to the job fair at Valley View High School, to find some new interns. Want to get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21748

  58. Yup.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21750

  59. Why are you dressed like that?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21752

  60. Like you're applying for a loan.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21754

  61. Okay, here's what we're going to do: I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales. Oscar will be in charge of accounting. Pam will be eye candy. No... uh, also, because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them, because they definitely ain't going to college.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21759

  62. Let's go!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21761

  63. A little over the top, don't you think?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21776

  64. This is all we need.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21779

  65. Yes we will see Oscar, we will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities! Conceptual! All right! We. Are. Open for business! Hello!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21781

  66. Hello. Hi. Can I talk to you for a sec? Excuse me.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21795

  67. Hey, uh, remember what we talked about, in the car on the way up, 'only the best and the brightest.'

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21797

  68. He's totally wrong, Pam. Hey.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21799

  69. How you doing? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you, should limit himself. You could do whatever you want to do. You could be a classy janitor, or a cashier with dignity, or a... migraine worker. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21801

  70. Oh, no problem. And he signed! He put his name on the piece of - okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams. And he just, made it into a stupid piece of paper. We need another one, immediately.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21803

  71. Are you mental?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21806

  72. I... don't.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21808

  73. And that. Is why. I need a smart intern.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21810

  74. Hello there.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21817

  75. Well it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company...

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21819

  76. Dammit, Oscar!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21822

  77. Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth, but uh, kids are very wary about being 'lured' these days. Thank you Dateline!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21823

  78. What do you want?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21831

  79. Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21833

  80. Thank you! What, what is this?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21835

  81. This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper. Some sort of Pendleton crap.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21837

  82. Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-PamPamPamPam! We're dying here. I want you to go back to the office and I want you to get the real stuff. I want you to get ultra white card stock.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21839

  83. Yes. And don't call me Shirley.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21841

  84. All of these jobs? Suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21862

  85. Hey! Game over.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21863

  86. Just-in time.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21864

  87. Just-in case. What's your last name?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21866

  88. This... just in. Justin Polznik! Huh?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21868

  89. Justin is the ugly girl in the movie, who takes off her glasses and she's hot! And you realize she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses. And that you were the blind one. He's the most... important thing in my life right now.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21869

  90. I want you to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez. Accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21870

  91. This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will 'do' you. No, no. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so, this could be number three, you never know?

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21873

  92. Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21875

  93. So, what do you think? Think these guys are nice? The guys I didn't bring are even better. Justin, I'm willing to commit right now. Would you do me the honor, of spending the summer with us, at Dunder Mifflin? I think, I think you are very special.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21877

  94. No, I didn't. You misconstrued me.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21879

  95. I, uh, hmm.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21881

  96. Why don't... hey.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21883

  97. Hold down the fort, I have to do something. Excuse me. If you can hear me, I'd like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on, I mean I don't even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league! You know, that's not what you want. Dunder- they, well, okay I see security is coming so I just want to say, come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn... it. Okay, I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you for your time, and drive safe.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21900

  98. Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself. And I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert and I think, that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could do anything, and he chooses to work here, selling paper. Just like me.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21910

  99. Yeah, kiss her. Kiss her good.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21911

  100. Well, kids today have a very short attention span. They are into texting and video games and sex, and they just, they get distracted easily. And today they're being distracted by the other booths.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21933